Not Getting a Thank You Card (**rant**)

When is the wedding in comparison to her shower date?

Once I hit a certain point, I waited until after the wedding itself to do thank you cards for gifts that showered up during the "in between time."

Granted, I was more motivated to get them done ASAP as to not have a crap ton to do after the wedding. Glad I did it that way.

My Thank You notes for the wedding went out within 2 months of our wedding (aka. before the NEXT family wedding).

Did you mother send a gift and/or get a thank you card? Maybe she included a "And thank ___ for the panini maker!" Or maybe she's a procrastinator. Or maybe she's just a jerk. Lol. You never know!

But you were very generous with a gift. That's a lot of money for an old friend! You deserved a thank you note.

Wedding is on September 13th.

Had the gift not gotten there just a few days after the shower AND had I not just talked to my mom who sent hers in the beginning of July (knowing she would be out of town on that weekend) and she hasn't gotten one either.

I'm HUGE on thank you cards, and this just irritates the hell out of me that a person appears to be able to busy to bother writing a single sentence on a card, throwing a stamp on the envelope and dropping it into a mail box

ETA: My mom bought her an overpriced ($200) comforter set and she probably hasn't seen her in about 5-10 years

I'd still give her a little more time to send you a thank you card

ETA: Yes you were VERY generous with your gift, I deff wouldn't have spent that much on someone I never talk too. LOL I am big on TY cards too....its really not that hard in the grand scheme of things. But usually it takes people a couple months to get them sent out. So until then I wouldn't be too ticked off until the 2 month mark, because after that its just rude.

I'm sending my thank you cards when I come back from the honeymoon. I didn't have a shower, but a lot of people sent gifts to our house two months before the wedding. I just wrote them nice emails...they will get a card later.

My guess is that because the wedding is coming up, the bride is busy. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

@Ashley, I just mentioned something to my mom and I think she was going to fish around to the brides mom and see what she comes back, but I think I may do the FB message thing.

I have a hard time believing that, no matter how close it is (and we are talking a two month span), that a person is too busy to thank people for spending money on them, and in some cases taking time to attend...to me this basically says that her time is more valuable than mine and that I didnt have to wander around BB&B to get the stupid thing....I'm not asking for a huge paragraph to be written just a couple words.

IF I change my mind about going to the wedding, which I probably wont because I have been looking for way out of going, then I would give more time for the arrival of a thank you card.

I'm surprised your mom didn't get one even though she sent hers in July. That's strange. But, since the wedding is soon, I wouldn't be expecting one now. Maybe she's one of the people who wait until after the wedding to send the shower thank you notes? Who knows.

@Kathleen, the thought just popped into my head and I sent the quick email to my mom asking if she had gotten one and maybe the fact that mine showed up two days later at the bride's house had something to do with it. Thats when I found out that my mom had done the same thing, but instead of waiting till the end of July to order it, she sent hers at the beginning and still nothing.

Even waiting until after the wedding, that just looks awful...FH AND I would attend the wedding together and I would sign the card/check as such for her gift. The shower gift was just from me so how is she planning on working that one out...."Thanks guys for attending our wedding and the gift of cash...Oh yeah, and thank you Maggie for that totally awesome pannini maker that you sent me for my shower gift back in July." Thats just retarded

ETA: I'm not expecting a shower thank you at this point and now I wouldn't be surprised if one wasn't received for the wedding gift either.

I have only been invited to showers where the invites came a couple weeks later. And you're right, they can't really include that in the wedding thank you since your FH didn't actually get the shower gift. Very odd. Just another story that reminds me I need to get my shower thank yous sent very quickly after so I don't look bad!

I would be annoyed! I can't stand when people don't send thank you cards for things they receive. I scheduled my bridal shower plenty in advance of the wedding so I wouldn't be pressed for time to get thank you cards out before the wedding. That is how I decided on the date for my shower- by time needed to get gifts settled & send thank you notes!

from what I understand she's not out of line. assuming that shower thank yous follow the same guidelines as wedding gifts.

thought it always sounded long, I actually thought the people had a year, but apparently that's a myth according to Emily Post.

here's what I found on the subject:

"All thank you notes should be written within three months of the receipt of the gift."

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

looks like there's a lot of different opinions on the subject, but that's what Emily Post states on it.

That's so rude. I went to a wedding at the very beginning of June, where the bride/groom had to do NOTHING bc their parents did everything and I have yet to get a thank you card. They cashed my check within 3 days lol but have been too busy doing - nothing remarkable that I know of - to send thank yous... normal.

Yeah, that's definitely annoying, but I wouldn't lose hope yet! It's not how I would have done it, or how I did it, but I'm guessing this girl doesn't read WW.

@Stitching, my mom had thought the same thing, so I did a Google search for her and sent her a link from Modern Bride which says that they should be written within two weeks...for shower gifts (and I'm guessing her shower had around 75 invites sent out, judging from what I've heard from mom). Thats not THAT many cards to write 1 or 2 sentences on...even just doing 5 thank you's a day could have had them all done and received within two weeks.

I ditched a cousin's wedding last year because his fiancee couldn't be bothered to look at all the cards for the gifts given and send me a thank you...she just had all her guests in attendance (I had an exam to study for and couldn't go) fill out envelopes for their own thank you cards...my mom took my gift and didn't realize thats what they were doing and thus I received no thank you. I WAS LIVID...I didn't go the wedding but still sent $50 and wrote in the card to "please let me know that this card was received, as I have not yet received ANY thank you for your shower gift and don't even know that it was received."

@rustic...LMFAO! I hadn't thought about that...but to be honest, its not like I would care if she does since we aren't friends and haven't seen or spoken in 10 years I don't have anything to lose! I'm just a walking check/pannini maker to her at this point until her wedding is done and there wont be another thought about me!

I was going to wait till the wedding to send out thank you gifts for my shower. I thought it would make things easier to do it all at once. And then my FH explained that might not be the best idea. Maybe she's waiting to send them? Maybe she's not planning on sending them, at which point it doesn't sound like you were friends to begin with so you're in no worse of a boat than before.

All these posts of "I didn't get a thank you card!!!" just rub me the wrong way. It seems we send gifts for the purpose of getting a card sent back to us in the mail, not because we actually wanted to do something nice for someone. If they are a friend, and we know they are grateful and will enjoy the gift, why does a card matter? If they are not a friend, why is a gift sent anyway, and how does a card make us feel better about the amount of money we threw at someone we never talk to? None of this stuff makes any sense to me.

I saw the same thing that you mentioned. sounds like a lot of the sources don't agree.

your post is a good example of bad feelings because there's so many 'rules' out there.

if some are following one rule book and others another, lots of bad feelings would come out of it.

according to Emily post, she's still within the time frame of allowed time.

edit for typo

I was invited to a shower and wedding last year...I gave her a $50 frame off her registry for the shower (but did not attend) and I gave them $100 check at the wedding...no thank you card for either. She also didn't attend my shower and sent me a frame off my registry a week after my shower. Some people are just bitches. I'm not sour about it though because I don't like the girl anyways, she is my cousin's wife and they are both kind of rude and I only speak to them because of relation.

On another note, Thank you notes are going out of style. NO ONE in my family sends them except for me. I have never received one from my FH's side of the family either. Maybe they're becoming antiquated...

ETA: I believe in sending a thank you note as soon as the day after the gift is received. Just what I was taught growing up.

The way I am looking at it is that I gave a gift because at one point, many moons ago, we WERE good friends...though there was a falling out I wish her all the happiness in the world. But IMO, it is not only rude but extremely arrogant and self centered to not give thanks to a person who spend their time and money to get you a gift.

Had I had been there to give it to her in person, I would have received the automatic "Thanks" response so why should not being there affect that respect in any aspect whatsoever? Why would a person NOT want to show their appreciation and gratitude towards another person as soon as possible? It makes no sense to wait, ifd that is what this girl is doing, other than the simple fact that it is for her own convenience....it wasn't at my convenience to buy her a gift at that time. So I think the argument people give about waiting is completely silly and rude even though it happens all the time

Heidi - I understand where you are coming from, but there is also the side that people (including me) do not like to continually help others and give gifts to those that are unappreciative. Although I give someone a gift because I want to (most of the time), I still want the appreciation. If you do not show appreciation and treat me poorly, I will stop giving you gifts. I actually have stopped giving money to two charities because every time I show up with bags of donations or a check worth a couple hundred, etc., and I just get shoved off with "Put it there." and no thank you, no smile, no hello or goodbye, it really irks me. So I find a new charity who DOES say thank you. So I think that is what is going on with the gifts and thank you thing. Would you continue to give gifts to someone who was rude and unappreciative? But yes, you do make a good point. I am just coming at it from the perspective I see it from.