Not counting an RSVP until we see a hotel reservation.

I'm not sure how you can word that without sounding harsh. I feel like anything would come across as you not trusting their RSVP. How many people are coming that you'd need to contact?

We are inviting about 140 but only expecting around 60. We live in orlando which is only a 4 hour drive so we are concerned about people thinking they will make it, say yes, and then decide its too far, they can't afford the trip, etc. We may just have to call guests to confirm but thinking someone else may have the same dilemma and have a suggestion!

I read on some wedding websites "Please contact us after you book a hotel, so we can be sure where to send your welcome bag." But that will mean you will have to do welcome bags. You can find maps and brochures of things to do for free to include.

@Melissa, I so know what you mean. I would love to put on my RSVP card the following

"No shows will be invoiced for the total cost of their meal"

Obviously I'm not going to but it sure is tempting.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up with some no shows (cousins) ugh!!!

Honestly, this is how all weddings really are. Most people pay per head for their guests. I do like the idea of letting us know so we can give you a goody bag. You don't even have to do the goody bag it can be anything.

But in theory, someone can in fact drive up to the wedding and leave after the wedding if they choose -- they don't HAVE to book a hotel.

Have an RSVP date as close as possible to when you need your final numbers (usually due 2 weeks before, so have an RSVP date 3 weeks before) so that when folks answer, they are more sure they can actually make it.

Like others have said, to ask for "proof" they've book a hotel will likely come off a little rude. Plus, I can reserve a hotel and then cancel it.

You know your guests better than we do, so as you get RSVPs, you can better gauge who is dependable about making it and who isn't, and if needed, you can follow up with anyone you have concerns about. That may be a better way to handle this.

I went to a wedding this weekend and most people were from OOT. Some guests stayed with family locally, some drove home the night of the wedding (several hours), some drove part way home, some booked hotels that weren't in the block. One guy didn't book one, I guess he slept on a cot in someone else's room. Just a thought about the reservations.

Tiffany's got a good idea. Honestly, I would let people RSVP. When you get closer to the wedding date, you can check on your block with the hotel. If you're suspicious about someone, maybe just give them a call and tell them you're excited about seeing them at the wedding....through your conversation, you can ask where they are staying.

We will likely end up calling the guests who are suspect:-) Its a minimum 4 hour drive each way for everyone so I doubt anyone will drive up just for that, they will want their free dinner and drinks! FH is way more paranoid about this than I, he would seriously want to send a bill to someone to RSVP'd yes and then no showed!!

Im so glad you asked! Im from Daytona Beach and were having our wedding in Savannah. We were going to provide a trolly for our guests but we cant get a good feel for who will really come. I think in the end you just have to call the flakey ones

Don't aggravate people by asking if they're sure they're coming. Sometimes people are no-shows and there's not anything that you can do about it short of never speaking to them again. We had a handful of no-shows and their empty seats probably cost us several hundred dollars. Whatever. It happens. Also, all of our no shows were local people who lived within 20 minutes of the church and the winery where we held the reception. Most of our guests were from OOT and they all came even if they had to get hotels or drive four hours round-trip on the day.

Did you book a room block? If so they should be able to let you know who has booked rooms.

If you havent printed your invitations yet, you could put it on the RSVP card, write, "Your reservation at Blank Blank Hotel will serve as your RSVP. Please send this card back once you have reserved your hotel room." Then make a spot on it for them to put their names, # of people and the room number they have reserved.

An RSVP should be sufficient. That is their sole purpose - to let you know who's attending.

If they know someone they could plan on staying there, or they made other arrangements....

I would just use their RSVP. We are paying for the wedding too so I understand where you are coming from, but if they can RSVP to you that should be good enough.... not saying send us your RSVP and then tell us you booked a room because that will be the only one that counts.

Can your hotel provide you access to your room block? I have a login so that I can see everyone who has booked their rooms. But some people did not book in the block for one reason or another. Besides that I feel like you just have to trust the ones who say they are coming, that is what the RSVP is for. Why would they say they are coming and not?

With my room block, I can see online who has booked and who hasn't. Why bother having them send an RSVP back if they also have to send you their hotel proof of reservation? I think it will come off rude and pushy. A no-show or 2 will probably happen as sometimes things come up that are out of our control. Even if Someone books a room for your wedding 6 months prior they can cancel it the day before without being charged......so if they are going to change their mind last minute and not tell you they will do just that. Can you do a buffet style dinner and have them package leftovers for a midnight snack for your and FH? That way if those couple people don't show you still get the food?

Thank you for the feedback. I guess we will have to just call those we suspect may not show and make sure we have access to the room block. Its not like I would call our guests and demand that they give me their hotel info. We just want to be as close as possible with our final guest count.

Yes - this is how we did it - see attached photo.

On our reply cards we asked for hotel details. It worked out really well!

@bad wolf, thank you! Great idea.

Did you do a room block? My hotel gave me access to the page as an administrator so I can view all the resos and edit them if I have too.