Non-traditional Brides

We are both designers, and completely crafted our wedding day to be a total reflection of us. He proposed over breakfast— it's how we begin each day— one of us makes breakfast for the other, depending on who has a morning meeting.

We quickly found an inspiration image that emulated beauty and effortlessness, and decided that's how we wanted our day to feel. From the guests point of view, eliminating everything we disliked about weddings; traditions and etiquette, multiple spaces for the events, cocktail hour, the stuffiness, the awkwardness, all the waiting, waiting for the next thing, being hungry, and the bar closing at inopportune times.

So our wedding was guest-ccentric, but also we wanted to enjoy our own wedding as well. People often say that their wedding went to quick, they weren't able to spend time with people, that they didn't eat, and barely remember the details. We wanted to keep a few traditions, but really stayed true to our vision. Early on, we primed all our guests, letting them know it was a casual adults-only boozy brunch wedding dance party.

We wanted to slow things down where we could, which meant simplifying a lot. We only had two people to stand up with us— just my best lady and his best man. We had them wear navy, and invited our immediate family and grandparents also wear navy to be a part of our entourage.

wedding party

As a bride, I still wore a white dress, my jewelry and accessories were not bridal but skewed more boho— brass jewelry and shoes— all which I have worn since.

all couple/wedding photos were done before the wedding itself

entrance with our welcome sign

food and beverages available upon arrival

The overall timeline was flipped around— starting at 11:30am, brunch and beverages as soon as you walked in the door, upbeat music (of the 40s-70s), everyone was able to get toasty and have food to soak up all the drinks. Before you knew it, 1:30pm rolled around and our ceremony began, right in the same space our guests were eating and mingling. They simply had to turn their attention (drinks were still available) to us while the DJ cued up our epic entrance song (Also Sprach Zarathustra, from the 2001: Space Odyssey). Our officiant let everyone know cheering and clapping were encouraged, as we wanted to keep the vibe super relaxed and fun. We walked out, high fiving, and came together on a stage under a floral installation and a disco ball. Our officiant introduced us, spoke some words, then we incorporated toasts of the best man and best lady in place of any readings. I said my vows, and my husband said his.

We wrapped up quickly and the beat dropped as soon as we kissed.

We took 5 mins to collect ourselves, give hugs, then something my husband and I created something began; we started with abbreviated parent dances— his mother and him, my father and me, then our shortened first dance.

We created something we call the Roll Call Dance, in which we grouped circles of friends together, and hand-selected songs for each group. We had college friends, people we met through different stages of our lives, relatives, and ultimately everybody. This truly made it possible for the dance floor to be completely filled at 2pm.

We had desserts available still on the brunch theme (muffins, cookies, croissants). We also incorporated desserts of our heritage— his grandmother made Italian cookies, my mother made Filipino cassava cake, and bought a Chinese sponge roll cake.

desserts

homemade italian cookies

The dance floor was completely packed until 6:30pm when we had to clear out the venue.

so much dancing

We bought pricier favors ($5 mugs) that we knew and designed to not be throwaway items. Vased florals were also encouraged to be taken home in addition to favors. We also did without the expected signage, tried to steer away from trends, didn't have any other activities.

Our florals and greenery were pretty astounding, my florist totally took hold of everything I spewed at her and it came out beautifully.

Looking back and replaying our wedding, we truly loved every minute of it, and we’re so ecstatic to have faced all our challenges in a way that made all the details, florals, timeline, and overall celebration a memorable one. Our guests have been raving about how much they thoroughly enjoyed our wedding and wished others were similar.

View Quoted Comment Wow I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a wedding like that and I really enjoy the originality. You totally made it your own day and made it interesting for the guests as well.

View Quoted Comment

It's funny how much work it is to break from tradition and how you've got to prime people/vendors before so they know what they're walking into! (Also added pics cause I couldn't help myself from reflecting!) Can't wait to see how your wedding will all come together!

View Quoted Comment I love those photos, your wedding looked beautiful. We’ve only been engaged a month as of tomorrow, and I’m trying to hold back on the details until I get my venue settled but I’m so excited to break away from tradition.

View Quoted Comment That sounds beautiful! What time of year? And I’m using some really cool dark pearls and dark crystals! Never seen that done before and excited and anxious I ordered a whole bunch of these really cool crystals from China and my mom actually said they just came in ! Don’t know if you’re doing any of the glitz and glam but it might be really pretty with the black and red ! That kind of romantic and sensual Gothic feel comes to mind! My FH will actually be having a red boutonniere which I think is cool because the other boutonnieres are going to have a dark (almost black calla Lilly !!! which those are really cool if you’re into dark florals. I think tradition is totally subjective! And love this forum discussion!!

Funny story is when my grandmother found out my cousin was being our officiant she called me drunk on Thanksgiving crying asking me to send her our rings so that her priest could bless them haha and “we wouldn’t end up getting divorced for not having priest at wedding” and I’m not even catholic....I am spiritual and my faith is important but that’s besides the point and just an example of how overrated “tradition” can become...... especially if you don’t connect the why behind it..... or the you and who you are...... It’s funny how even if people are not character-wise traditional, they still sometimes can’t see past what they think is tradition. Traditionally, tradition came from what was “trendy” at the time and some people can’t get over it.....and being non traditional is now I think the new and amazing trend and eventuak tradition! good luck to you and happy hunting!

View Quoted Comment

Thanks!

We're both actors, and we have both trained in stage combat (me more than him), and he is also an Italian-school fencer.

Our running joke is that every time we are on stage together, I beat the ever loving snot out of him (his characters usually deserve it), so we want to flip that script and defend each other during our reception instead.

Good thing we're in NYC. The venues in NYC are all like, "..huh. That's a new one, but ok!" The one place I've contacted OUTSIDE of NYC so far? "OMG NO WAIT WHAT NOT METAL SWORDS?"

So.

View Quoted Comment Oh wow that sounds incredible. The crystal incorporation is so unique and I bet it’ll look gorgeous. Did you have a picture of how you were using them? I’m excited to use my black and red, rather than some of the other colors. So many people think the Gothic Christmas theme won’t work together, but I’m excited to piece my ideas once we decide on a venue officially. I’ve never been one for tradition so it’ll be fun.

I love that! And it’s funny you say that yesterday I was looking through some of the photos I have saved and was looking at photos that Pinterest found relating to them and I was about to save one thinking it was beautiful and I noticed a giant nutcracker in the middle of the table and then realized it was a Christmas party but it was dark themed and it was beautiful so I say go for it!! Reminds me of a TIM BURTON LOVESTORY!! Not about them and all about you and no matter what you did it wouldn’t satisfy everybody and everyone could find something that they would’ve done differently..... and on THIER wedding day, they can lol my mom and I usually like a lot of the same styles of things and it’s funny because when I’ve tried to describe what I want and show her pictures that kind of depicted she has no idea what I’m trying to show her and was really really hesitant about something’s working and all coming together, now with more of it coming together she still is surprised by my choices but couldn’t envision what I wanted and is excited about somethings she originally tried to talk me out of .....

And I haven’t used them yet the only thing I have are inspiration pictures of what I want to do with my choices and colors...... I have all the materials just not them all together or how the finish project will look. I get married next month across the country so my planner has a lot of them and my mother has the finer and smaller things... since I have been ordering and getting them together since June... and she is closer to location of wedding and helping planner the week of

View Quoted Comment You must be so anxious. The date is coming up for sure. What does your dress look like? Are you incorporating the crystals into a head piece?

View Quoted Comment I hope my mom can get past the fact that my wedding isn’t princess themed lol. She wants me in a blush ball gown with calla lilies and peonies with rose gold and ivory colors. Absolutely not me at all. I joke around and say she has two other daughters to corrupt.

This is my headpiece! Actually purchased this one! So i didn’t make itmyself but as you can see does have crystals! And you’re not gonna believe it but the one thing about my wedding that is white is my dress and it was one I didn’t even pick out but my mother picked out..... and I tried on to appease her .... bc I was dead set on having a blush dress with lace and new mesh as well as detachable skirt , or cream... but I fell in love with this ivory and classically basic one ha I love it ! and I think mainly because when I put it on I knew Marcus, my FH would like it..... he isn’t traditional at all...but definitely is a minimalist ....while, I’m a ”maximist” (running joke between us and our families) but it works! And he is the only person that I care about looking good for or impressing that day... so I bent a little in that arena! I have actually lost about 20 pounds since trying it on.... but 20 pounds ago it was the only dress I tried on where I felt comfortable and it actually was flattering in areas I was self conscious about..... it just fit me and I felt like I looked like HIS dream bride in it..... if that makes sense..... I mean I didn’t completely abandon my style but it’s definitely not what I planned on liking or anything like my my crazy and out there style that usually is mix of a little everything..... and way more on the provocative side....a

View Quoted Comment You look freakin beautiful!!! Regardless of the weight, that dress looks fabulous on you. I love it so much and the jewelry goes with it perfectly. I love the bearing throughout as well. So gorgeous.
I totally understand. When I told my FH I didn’t want a white dress, he was actually relieved. He didn’t want me bending to meet society or my mom’s expectations and wearing white just because. He knows white isn’t me and it wouldn’t be something I’m happy with. I get wanting to be his dream bride. He better cry lol

View Quoted Comment Hahaha that is hilarious!! And ballgown?!!! When you are wearing a black one?! Does she know you? Haha JUST KIDDING!! my mom would freak if I wore a black gown but my mom hates Halloween if that says anything haha Oh our poor mothers at times.....my dress is mommy approved, shockingly so.... And wait!! I’m using some awesome black calls lilies in my arrangement and for the men’s boutonnières ! Dude they are beautiful and actually might be a compromise that works in your favor

View Quoted Comment Those are GORGEOUS. I love those. My mom loved calla lilies and could potentially like that
Nightshade and baccara roses are my favorites as well. I tried on a poufy one for her and she was obsessed. The lady that worked there said I looked absolutely miserable, which I totally did.
Mt sister, who is 15 and has plenty of time before she even thinks about marriage, will definitely be the princess ballgown bride with lots of pink. She will get her time, but she needs to relax when it comes to me. The first dress made me miserable. The fitted one was way more my style and would have been perfect if it was made in black.

These are some of the crystals I ordered ! I couldn’t find the pictures of them recurved and out of box but will send when I do!

I told Marcus the same thing!!! When I do I was really stressed and I was joking to him but serious and said after all this I better see you cry “cry or it didn’t happen” hahha

View Quoted Comment The pendulum shaped crystals are my favorite. Those are gorgeous. I love that.
Your wedding is going to be breathtaking.
I just want to book my damn venue so I can really visualize what I want to do for decor.

When and where are you getting married ?

Oh my goodness I just saw your pictures that first dress ......... “bless your heart” hahaha The second one actually is pretty! But if it’s not you it’s not you I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone with a half sleeve wearing a blush puffy ball down... not that that’s ever not happened and not that that ever shouldn’t happen.....just interesting ! But you have the perfect figure to wear anything and definitely could go with a much more fitted gown are you doing a black veil that would be neat or even those netted veils.... I love those on the right people! You could rock one! I actually am going to be getting tatted up with Marcus after were married it’s kind of like our gift to each other ... not matching tattoos or marriage tattoos but that’s when we’re going to take the plunge and splurge $$ on getting some good ink and designs !