No Future In Laws attending

That is so hurtful. I'm sorry you are going through that.

At the end of the day if they really want to be there they will make it. I know it's hard, you've done what you could.

Remember it is your day. No matter what they are your family now. If they miss out then they miss out unfortunately.

Not sure if you'd had a conversation with them and your FH, but if you haven't then do.

Good luck! Wish you the best!!!

My friend was in a similar situation. She also wanted a DW in Mexico. Her mom threw a fit and threatened to not come, so my friend booked a different venue and stressed herself out trying to please her mom, to the point where planning was no longer fun. She and her FH have since cancelled their venue and are now in the process of planning a Mexico wedding again. Even though she really wants both sides of the family to be there, what she wants more is to enjoy her wedding and to get married on her own terms. Her mom is still invited. Whether or not she chooses to come is on her.

Everything that Paulsons said. While I understand that it may be hurtful that they are not willing to come, that is the inherent risk that comes with destination weddings. If it were my kid, I would suck it up but everyone doesn't feel that way.

I would encourage my FH to talk to his parents. Have him explain that it is hurtful they won't be in attendance. Perhaps hearing it from their child will get them on board.

If not, you just let it go. Choosing to have a destination wedding while the idea is beautiful to us brides, it can be a huge burden financially and inconveniencing to others.

Cost and location where the biggest reasons we chose to NOT have a DW. We knew that our siblings and some friends would have a hard time paying to attend. Location, my mum is snooty and won't do Mexico or anything cost effective. It would be a high end luxury island which further impedes our nearest and dearest.

Ugh... That sucks. Especially since it's not about the money or having to travel. I would definitely have FH talk with her and find out what it really is about.

I don't care how affordable it is, a DW is still not going to be cheap. Your FIL's would have to pay for flights, lodging, meals, etc. Correct me if I'm wrong because I don't want to make assumptions, but if they're going home to Jamaica, that most likely means all they would really only have to pay for are flights. It's likely much more affordable to do that. This is the risk you take when having a DW. My mom's best friend's son had a DW and his mother was unable to attend due to finances. I imagine they were upset she couldn't attend, but she was also incredibly upset that she couldn't afford it and therefore didn't get to see her son married. I'm sorry you're feeling hurt, but you have to realize the financial aspect that comes along with a DW for your guests.

While I am sorry that you're going through, this is a cautionary tale about destination weddings. Why on earth did you not get your FIL's blessing before booking in Mexico? The number rule of DW is to ask your VIPs (in-laws and siblings) if they are okay spending money to go to that destination. Your FMIL said she'd pay to go to Jamaica because that is home to her. That's totally fair and she gets to make that decision with her own money. It may still be a strain for Jamaica, but she's willing to do it because it's home. Mexico sounds totally random and you can't expect people to pay loads of money to go to random places because you chose to have a destination wedding.

At this point, I'd ask you is everything paid off? If not, I'd strongly reconsider your choice of destination/location. You can always honeymoon in Mexico if you're so inclined, but I would find a compromise with the in-laws (and let your FH handle that, not you). Personally, I could never get married without my parents being there.

I think you did everything you could. You let them know a year in advance and she stated that she would be willing to save for a DW in Jamaica but not Mexico. That right there shows that it isn't necessarily a money thing she just wants you to get married where she's from but it isn't about her. If you want to get married in Mexico then that's what you do. Don't let her dictate when and where you get married. Maybe you guys can have a celebration when you get back to states where you can invite those that weren't able to make it. This is about you and your future husband. So you guys make the decision best for you

In addition to everything everyone else pointed out, it is extremely difficult to get legally wed in Mexico. You need to start looking at what you need to get done to get married there. I would scrap the DW and start over. In addition to cost, many people would have to use precious vacation time to attend and that may also be a deciding factor. Please think about your guests.

Wait, it's okay for FMIL to save up to go "home", but refuse to save up to attend her son's wedding? How does that make sense? And why does she need their blessing to have a DW? Based on the limited information we have from OP we could just as easily assume that FMIL is just throwing a fit because it's not where she wants the wedding to be.

Yes it is ok for her to refuse because it is her money. That rule applies to anyone. Just because something hurts your feelings does not mean it isn't ok.

It is common practice to check in with your VIPs regarding wedding details such as date and location. You want to make sure it works for the people you absolutely must have attend especially when it is on an odd day or let's say another country.

Sorry you are going through this. One of the reasons we choose not to have a DW was because of the financial strain it would put on our guests. We knew we would get a lot of declines and some may have been from close family members. Our other main reason was that DHs grandmother won't fly or go on a cruise ship. We couldn't imagine our wedding without her, so that quashed any serious thoughts of a DW outside of the country.

If FILs said no to Mexico, personally I would've discussed it more with them before booking anything. If it's putting a strain on your relationship, it sounds like your FH is disappointed his family can't make it. It sounds like their reasoning could be financial and they just don't want to say it. I would have your FH talk to them and find out if it really is a financial issue. If it is, I would consider changing the destination if you are able to.

Wow! That's hurtful. I would ask my fiance to try and reach out to them. If they truly want to be there, they will make the effort.

We are having a DW, and we ran the location by all parents before we booked. We did that because having our families there was more important to us than the location. This is something you have to weigh when planning a DW - if the location or the VIPs being present is more important. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope your FMIL decides to attend.

I agree. FMIL can throw all the fits she wants. She can spend her money wherever and whenever she wants. But the advice OP is getting is to change her wedding to accommodate someone who doesn't think it's important enough to suck it up and go to her son's wedding. It's not about the travel (she's willing to go to Jamaica). It's not about the money (again, she's willing to go to Jamaica). It's about her not getting her way, and she's not the only one who has to live with that.

@Cheryl it's a nice fantasy that everyone who wants to be there will be, but totally unrealistic in the real world, where people have obligations and finances.

@NewFutureMrs yes, she should have gotten her in-laws' blessing. That's what you do when you have a DW, unless you don't want them to attend. It's pretty common practice. If there's someone you need there to get married (and in most families, parents qualify), then you run the location and date by them before you book. Otherwise, you end up in a predicament similar to the OP's. Also, many people will save up and pay to go to their home country rather than some random place they can't afford. They get to make that choice because it's their money.

IMO, no pretty picture spot is worth missing out on your parents attending your wedding and she and her FH should really rethink this decision because it may be something that stays with him for quite a while if his parents miss it.

Actually, OP specifically said it was NOT about the money.

Is Jamaica cheaper than Mexico for her?

Either way, it's unfortunate but DW does come with risks.

Honestly- I would have made sure that my VIPs were okay with a destination wedding before choosing that.

You can say its not about the money - but it is. You want fmil to spend her money in a way you want her to but she doesn't- either offer to cover her expense - or accept that you choose a very expensive way to get married for your guests and not all of them are willing to spend their money that way.

Direct quote from the OP "She stated she would be willing to save money to go home (Jamaica) not Mexico."

So the money is not there, just waiting to be spent. It has to be saved. And many people would rather save to go to their home country than some random place no one's ever been to. The OP, herself, admitted none of them have been to to where the wedding is before. The FMIL may not be excited to save up all this money to travel to some random location just because she's told that's where the wedding is. Honestly, if you're having a destination wedding, I find it rude not to run it by your parents and future in-laws before settling on plans and booking.