No Future In Laws attending

Please to everything holy @AshleyDanielle and Eboni say each and every guest that is attending knows they are NOT going to your wedding! I was invited to a "wedding" where the couple was married already and lied to everyone. 2/3 of the guests left with gifts in hand. This couple lost a lot of friends, and family members have also written them off.

@Kaitlyn: a lot of people get legally married in the states before going to hold their wedding in another country. From what I understand, it is more of the norm than not because it can be such a hassle getting married in another country with documentation and everything.

@OP: thanks for clarifying everything. It seems like you did everything possible to make sure your FH was ok with this possibility of his mother not attending. Hopefully, his mother will change her mind or other accommodations can be made for her.

@kaitlyn thanks for your advice its extremely helpful.

S&J I understand that a lot of people get legally married in the states to avoid the legal requirements. If all the guests do not know the legal marriage already happened, it is not OK at all. And no it is not the norm for considerate people.

@Jeleebeenz, what? "... is she feeling she can afford one big trip and she wants it to be to see her family?" Is her son not her family?

Soooo many assumptions being made in this thread. FMIL probably knows somebody, I bet it's because of this or that, FMIL thinks this about you, etc. How about read OP's posts? She's covered so many of those topics. There's no reason to assume when you can just read.

Stephanie Jamaica maybe more. But it is how FMIl is willing to spend her own money.

Which is all that matters.

Eboni - you cant dictate how anyone else spends their money - if you want her there - open your checkbook and offer to pay to accommodate her

Again, how does your FH feel about his mother (and I guess the rest of his family) not coming to his wedding?

Oh, my god...

From OP:

"@elizabeth Did you miss the part that my FH picked the location. How am I selfish and rude if we both made this decision. It is our day he really isn't bothered by the fact that his mother isn't attending. It is more of me because i wanted the day to be shared with both families. Honestly if the wedding isn't where she wants it and when she wants it she will never be ok with it. Our guest list is already cut. We never wanted a big wedding we only want 50 or less, we are not flashy but we do want a nice reception to celebrate. And I'm sorry a photographer is a must to capture the day. And you saying the money thing as an excuse I can say the same about my FMIL. No need to attack me because i want both families to be involved but i do want it on our terms.

I do have a second job and that money is going towards the house. You keep saying "what I want", its actually what we want. For the past year before our engagement this is something we have discussed and thats having a DW. We have talked about whether or not he will regret anything and he said no. My FH has said numerous times all he cares about is marrying me and starting a family together. The wedding could be just him and I and he would be fine. He doesn't want us to change the venue."

Okay, so if he doesn't care, why are you, OP, getting bent out of shape about it? If she doesn't want to come, then she doesn't have to come.

If you and you FH would rather have a DW than have his mom there, then oh well. That's you choice and your priorities. But, there's nothing to hold against your FMIL. She's done nothing wrong. You have no right to be pissed at her. You guys are doing what's best for you and putting yourselves above her. Now you want to begrudge her for doing the same? Flying to Mexico and paying for lodging and food isn't cheap and she apparently doesn't have the money yet (since she would need to save). You can't hold it against her for not being able to drop a couple of thousand on your wedding.

Hey OP

I havent read through all the comments. Im guessing that your FH family is all from Jamaica? Had you considered having the wedding there? It might have been easier on his family to attend. Sounds like his mother doesnt have a extra money and would have to be specifically saving for this travel. Im guessing it would be more expensive for her to travel to Mexico than Jamaica bearing in mind its more than flights---its also lodging and meals. Maybe they just cannot afford it. I think the first thing to do with a destination wedding is to check with the people who you would really want there if they are able to make it.

@Erin that's all well and good but if I am willing to save to go to one place then I'd be willing to save to another, cheaper place for my son. So she can decide to spend her money how she feels. I am not arguing that. As a matter of fact, I have even suggested they pay her way. But, I am certain, this is not the issue. What it seems to me, is that she didn't get her way. But I stand firm that they should accommodate her expenses because she is the MOG.

Stephanie - that could mean that she could not see her own parents, siblings, or rest of the family.

Well at least we can all agree - OP should open her pocket and pay for her FMIL to attend!

@Eboni Jamaicans are fickle (I'm half and I'm marrying one) so I get it. Really I do, They Hyatt Ziva in Cancun is $1000 cheaper than the one on Montego Bay. Also, keep in mind that his family that lives in JA will probably not stay at the resort so you will have to pay the day pass for that as well.

She'll come around. Happy Planning

@erin today we proposed that we would pay for the resort which is all inclusive (food, drinks and $250 in resort credits) her response was i don't know i will have to think about it. We looked at resorts in Jamaica they were much more expensive than the Mexico ones. While she has family remaining in Jamaica ( only aunts and cousins) she would be 4 hours away from any of the resorts we would have chosen plus would have to pay for a day pass to enter the resort the day of the wedding ONLY.

@ashleydanielle thanks for the well wishes. I hope everything goes well with your big day

@AshleyDanielle I'm glad you disagree with me because, honestly, I feel your advice is terrible. This isn't just any old guest and the "if she's not paying" crap is just that -- crap. These are her FH's parents. People also need to get over the mindset of "it's your day, do whatever you want and it's everyone else's fault if they're not on-board." Once you invite guests, it's not just about you. Sure, do whatever you want, but then don't whine when you disrupt family harmony because of your choices.

Also, all Jamaicans are NOT fickle. That's just your personality, not your ancestry.

@elizabeth no need to be upset and feisty.

My FH and I just had a great discussion over dinner. His siblings are all attending and his mother has agreed to stay back and watch all of the grandchildren and dogs for the siblings attending. My FH is happy with the decision HE made with HIS family. We will make sure my FMIL is included in all events and activities leading up to our wedding. Everyone seems to be happy. It's unfortunate that she won't be going but there's no love lost from either end. It's a choice she's making because we did offer to pay for her lodging.

My FH made it clear that this is what we are doing and If anyone can't make it it won't stop our plans. So no cancelling necessary.

At the end of the day all I cared about was my FH feeling loved and supported on our big day and having his siblings there is huge to him.

Thank you everyone for you comments. We will continue to focus our wedding day on us and celebrating with all family and friends that can make it.

This thread has shown me that there are a lot of brides out there that are forgetting that a wedding is primarily about the union between a FH/FW and I've learned that its ok to do what makes the future newlyweds happy.

I'm glad it's all worked out.

@elizabethK Guess what? My advice wasn't for YOU so I don't care what you think. I was speaking with Eboni as we have similar situations.