No Alcohol?!

Our reception was totally dry (we don't drink, have alcoholics on both sides of our family, and a *very* nasty divorce between my in-laws-- best to keep everyone on his best behavior...). People stayed on the dance floor and stayed till the end. Of course, it really depends on your crowd-- if your friends drink a lot, they may be disappointed and leave early. If they're more moderate, they probably won't notice so much.

One of our best friends had a dry wedding because it was at the state park and they worked around it by doing a lunchtime wedding. It was really nice and a small group of us went out for a drink together afterwards with the bride and groom.

This wouldn't work in my crowd- there would probably be a bunch of trunk coolers. Also- my step mom doesn't eat carbs. When she makes family dinner- she makes carbs which = proper hosting.

It is a hosting issue - I want all guests to have an option to enjoy a drink if they would like to do so. They certainly don't have to, and they will be offered non-alcoholic options as well. But you asked what guests would think, and as a guest, I've been to 2 dry weddings. The first was in a Baptist church reception hall, and was put as a cake and punch reception on the invite. It was also held mid-afternoon, so no biggie. I just went out with a group of friends after and had some apps, and yes, a beer. Not because I'm an alcoholic, but because I enjoy good beer and wanted to have one on a Saturday evening.

The second wedding was one I traveled for, and the invitation said nothing about a cake and punch reception. It was held at sunset (AKA dinnertime), and there was no food or drinks served aside from cake and punch. the invite even said "join us for a reception immediately following", AND it was held at a vineyard. I, and the two friends I traveled with, were pissed and hungry. Not because there was a lack of a bar, but because everything about the wedding was misleading. Dinner time wedding? Feed your guests. Have it at a vineyard? Not unreasonable to expect a glass of wine. If you are going with that type of reception, spread the word ahead of time so people know what to expect. And if you are serving dinner and having dancing, expect people to bring their own alcohol - AKA the "car bar" and be okay with it ahead of time.

Someone who is allergic to alcohol cannot even grasp the mindset of the average adult who equates a party with a few drinks. For me, that would be like someone saying "bring on the beautiful horses" -- those gorgeous animals that most people love. Put them in my face and I'm going to end up in the ER because I'm so allergic to them that I lose my ability to breathe if we share the same air space. I am hard wired to run the other way when I see them.

And Doublej079, the hosts of the second wedding you attended were unbelievably rude. Reception immediately following means food, drink, and entertainment -- especially at dinnertime. Cake and punch? I wouldn't touch either when what I needed was dinner. You end up feeling completely nauseous when you eat cake instead of dinner. They didn't put "Cake and Punch Reception to Follow" on their invitations because they knew they'd have a three inch pile of declines, so instead, they were dishonest. Yes, their nearest and dearest would have attended (whether they lived a mile or 1,000 miles away), but the casual guest who had to travel to get there? Not so much. Of course you were pissed and hungry, as were your friends. But, I guarantee you never mentioned your disappointment to the wedding couple -- and of course, you shouldn't have. But that's a reception I would have left early, and if asked by the couple why, I would have said, "We've got to get something to eat".

I don't necessarily think you're a bad host if you don't serve alcohol at your wedding, but I do think you're hosting a different kind of party, and I think you need to accept that without judging your guests who aren't thrilled with the idea. The issue with a cash bar (which I don't like but would prefer to nothing at all) is that you are saying, "We know a majority of you wanted a drink at our five hour party, but we're not paying for it". Beyond that, the assumption that people should sit at a five or six hour party without a cocktail is a little much for the average individual. If you're deeply religious and all of your guests are, I guess that would fly. For the rest of us, we equate a party and a cocktail. That will never change, not now, and not fifty years from now. So, if you're willing to adjust your expectations and stop with the shaming of guests who would like a drink at a huge social event, you're good to go. And let's just admit it -- with the exception of the ultra religious -- the majority of couples who will not host at least beer or wine won't do it because it costs too much.

You get the party you pay for. That's it.

So we've established that the majority of ppl like to drink it up and party at a wedding. And most ppl like to throw a party and have everyone drink it up at a wedding. Seems to me nobody gives a shit about the wedding, just the drinking/partying part....yes I'm being facetious. To not serve alcohol does not mean you are a bad hostess. They are guests to YOUR event and it is perfectly OK to serve whatever makes YOU comfortable for whatever reasons there may be. A good hostess is one who makes their guests feel comfortable and sees their guests needs are met. Who welcomes their guests, offers refreshment, entertains by any number of ways, and at the end of the event shows appreciation that they came.

If any guest needs alcohol to get through the event, I'd say they need help.

DH's cousin had no alcohol at their wedding. i heard complaints everywhere around me. DH's uncle was pissed he didn't know, or else he would have brought his flask. lol.

i'm not even a huge drinker and i was a little disappointed myself. a wedding is a party imo, and at a party i like to have at least a glass of wine. not to mention, DH was offshore at work so i ended up attending solo with his mom, sister, etc. i could have used a drink.

Mrs. A2B, I'm not convinced you were being facetious when you said that a majority of people like to drink and party at a wedding (agreed), but nobody gives a shit about the wedding -- just the drinking and partying part (couldn't disagree more). Why? Because you ended your comment with "If any guest needs alcohol to get through the event, I'd say they need help". They need help? From whom? AA? An addiction specialist? For what? Alcoholism? Anti-social behavior? What is their problem, and why is it so serious that they need help? I'm not talking about the drunk uncle who's in the men's bathroom drinking from his second flask (and if he were home, he'd be drinking from the bottle). I'm referring to the average guest -- the individual who works full-time, pays their bills, and functions beautifully in society. Why should they be shamed because after four hours at a dry wedding, they're looking at their watch? I just don't get it.

To repeat, you are not a bad host/hostess if you don't serve alcohol at your wedding (but you are a bad host if you neglect to tell your guests that they are getting nothing more than a sugar laden dessert and a sweet punch at dinner time). With alcohol or not, your guests will watch and enjoy your ceremony and they will probably (I'd hope) spend a few hours at your reception. They will hug you, honestly congratulate you, and (I know I would) put a very healthy check into your bird cage, suitcase, or decorated mailbox. If they leave early because they're getting bored after a few hours, does that really mean they need help? No, I don't think so, but, to each his own.

@dks64 I don't find it ridiculous at all. If someone wants to have a dry wedding, have a dry wedding.Not everyone can afford the cost- however, when you(general)say it's because Uncle So and So has a drinking problem or we don't drink it then becomes a hosting issue. I don't eat pork and I hate pineapples so when I HOST thanksgiving dinner does that mean I offer no ham? No, I just don't eat it. Personally I feel that if you have a reception with adults you should offer adult beverages.I've never gone to a house party where some sort of alcohol wasn't provided so why wouldn't you provide the same at your wedding. I understand moral or religious reasoning but, even at my pastors son's wedding there was a champagne toast.

Nay -- I don't remember the post, but it was in the last day or two and it was one of the more controversial threads. You said to the OP, "You have more excuses than someone going to jail". You know, I actually laughed out loud when I read that. You've got a great sense of humor, lol.

@centerpiece Lol thank you, thank you-it was in this thread and I LOVE the book..I'm almost finished

Oh, that's so nice to know, Nay. Thank you so much. Was it really in this thread? Oh no, now the OP will really think I'm an alcoholic who forgets everything, lol.

@centerpiece....I was being a smartass The last line referred to my comment that a hostess is to attend to a guests needs. If a guest NEEDS to drink, then they probably NEED help. That was the smartass part.

I said nothing about letting guests know what type of reception your having. Dinner vs Cake/Punch. Dinner is what is expected....I would definitely state it was a cake/punch reception if that's the case.

I also said nothing about how long a guest chooses to stay at a dry event or any even a wet event. Why should they feel ashamed for wanted to leave after 2 hrs, 4 hrs? However long they like? It was nice they came. I drink a little, I might have a glass of wine at a wet reception. I am one of those ppl who does not close the wedding down, but leaves after several hours when I'm done socializing and the evening is winding down for me. Alcohol does not play a part in my decision to leave.

I would not attend a dry wedding. It's a a total snooze fest in my opinion. What upsets me about this post is "and we have a long line of alcoholics in our families." We didn't invite people we thought would cause issues, including two family members. A tough decision, but I'd rather have booze at my wedding and not people who will cause drama.

If you insist on a dry wedding, i would suggest that you not do the typical wedding/dinner/dancing/DJ thing and expect people to stay through the evening..because they wont...because that type of reception is typically condusive to drinking which leads to the party. If your circle (and you) doesnt drink, then dont plan a party where drinking is the norm. Consider doing an afternoon wedding, with a lunch or formal dinner, cake, and a toast with non alcoholic bubbly you can buy at the grocery store (for affect). Then rap it up and call it a day. That way you wont feel bad when people leave, and you can be off to your wedding night and enjoy your new husband.

MrsA2B, mea culpa...I should have clarified that the bad host part about the cake/punch reception at dinnertime was definitely not directed toward you. It was in response to Doublej079. She and two friends traveled quite a distance to attend a wedding in a vineyard (and seriously, a vineyard reception with no wine?). The invitation said, "Reception to Follow". The reception was at dinnertime. The guests were offered cake and punch. In other words, sugar and sugar. Yes, I think that's rude. I think a host/hostess needs to be honest with their guests. They should have written "Cake and Punch Reception to Follow". but they didn't. My husband has been a diabetic for years, and when you're injecting insulin twice a day, you have to eat, and you have to eat healthy foods at regular intervals. For us, there would be no alternative. He couldn't have a glass of punch on an empty stomach, let alone a piece of wedding cake. We would have had to leave that type of reception to get him a balanced dinner of protein and veggies or he would have had a problem (that may have been quite public). If I had traveled a distance to attend that wedding, I would be more than a little irritated. I'd still give the couple their cash gift (I'm not a total asshole), but I wouldn't have been happy.

If you don't want it don't have it. You will never please everyone. We don't drink either and we never even considered serving alcohol. We are having a pretty big meal tho and there will be dancing cuz WE are gonna dance and enjoy our day! That's what's most important to me.

Thank you everyone for responding. I never meant to come off as bitchy or defensive but when someone tells me im a bad host because im not serving alcohol really bothers me. And to the person who said to just cut the alcoholics from the guest list, i cant do that. Especially because one of them is my mother. Its not that she would cause problems, but im watching out for her because if she is even in a room with alcohol, she feels the need to go home and drink. She never attends events with alcohol so i feel like putting her in that situation wouldnt be right. If not serving alcohol is a hosting issue than so is having a cake and punch reception because you arent tending to your guests needs and feeding them a good meal. Am i correct? I rather feed my guests a good meal and not serve alcohol than to just do a cake and punch reception and have them go hungry. I think they rather go without alcohol than a nice meal.

Just my two cents: people generally expect alcohol at a reception. If you're not going to have it for your stated reasons, that's fine, but I would suggest mentioning that on the invitation. You've got comments here from people saying that they've been to dry weddings and it was terrible, and comments from people saying that they've been to dry weddings and it was every bit as great as any other wedding, so I'm guessing yours will go one way or the other depending on your guests. I have only been to a handful of weddings. One was originally going to be a dry wedding and the bride just let us all know beforehand. She and her DH ended up serving alcohol anyway, but kept it limited due to the problem of finances and alcoholics in their families, too: they got two bottles of wine for each table, had them customized so that they were almost like an extra decoration. Maybe since your venue said no-no to serving alcohol, if you wanted to go that route, you could sneak a few bottles in as décor?

I've been to all types of weddings. I grew up in the south where dry weddings are a bit more common-it's not bothered me to attend one BUT I usually leave early. Why? Because you end up sitting at a table with a bunch of people you don't really know until you're just bored. A glass of wine or two is a social lubricant. Financial reasons are what they are but the whole "alcoholics in attendance" is total crap. There's this thing called free will. There are also programs meant to help alcoholics recover and be able to (eventually) be around such things as beer or wine and not partake. I've seen them work. I get your point but in reality, you asked for guest reactions and we gave them. You will do what you like and that's fine-we aren't invited and it wouldn't matter to you even if we were. You will have a lovely wedding but don't be surprised if it ends much earlier than you anticipated. That's the nature of your choice.