No Alcohol?!

I wasn't directing it at anyone in particular, but thank you for clarifying.

It's not so much that I can't afford it; I just don't want to spend a ridiculous amount on it. That's the honest truth. It can be a massive, unnecessary expense (on the extreme part of the spectrum) and I'd rather have a shorter reception and fly out on my honeymoon sooner if my guests are only coming for the booze. I still plan to have SOME alcohol - like I said, maybe some wine and beer - but open bar? No thanks.

If people are ONLY coming to my ceremony and reception to get drunk, they shouldn't come at all.

@Centerpiece, my LDS friend said caffeine is allowed now, though I don't think many of them still drink it. Just today I went to starbucks with a Mormon coworker and she got a caffeine-free drink. Maybe she just prefers it but I think many stick to no caffeine still lol!

There was something else Centerpiece said that made me think of something I'd like to add. She said that many of the people that come to a wedding are normal working people that function well in society. And in fact I think that's probably the reason I like to have a drink at a wedding. I work all week, I get stressed over things, etc so getting to let loose and really celebrate someone's huge life event is something that I really look forward to. I rarely drink, probably like one beer a month...but I love to have something for a special occasion because to me alcohol kind makes it feel like an even bigger celebration since it isn't a normal thing for me. If you think about it, even in biblical times people had wine for celebrations. In almost all cultures alcohol is brought out for celebrations. So while I don't think it HAS to be there, I feel like it really accentuates the spirit of the evening. This is why I'm having it at my wedding, I want people to have a night to enjoy themselves because they deserve it.

Again though, if you can't afford it, you can't afford it. If you can squeeze in some wine at dinner (which may mean you don't even need a bartender, just a corking fee or have the waiters pouring the wine) then it might be worth it to add. I'd ask your venue about all your different options.

Okay, I'm really walking away after this post. Krystyna, honestly, I've received countless wedding invitations over the course of my life. I have never, not once, based my RSVP on my assumption that there will or won't be alcohol served at the reception. I've been to several dry weddings (in 35 years). Actually, I think I can recall four dry weddings, and those ceremonies were no less beautiful and moving to me than the ceremonies featuring couples who were hosting open bar receptions. When I checked off "joyfully accepts" on the RSVP card, I was sincere. People don't go to weddings because they think they're going to a booze fest (at least I hope not, and if they do...well, that's another subject). I'm seriously confused as to why some brides immediately jump to that conclusion when the subject of alcohol at a reception comes up. People go to weddings because they love and care about the two individuals joining the lives. If there's no alcohol, a guest may leave after three and a half hours, but is that really so wrong? I've seen people leave after three hours at a top shelf, open bar wedding. I would be honored to attend the wedding -- dry or open bar -- of anyone I loved. I never go for the alcohol, and I am hard pressed to believe that the majority of good people are motivated by alcohol to attend a wedding. Quoting stats and getting feedback is just that. Parties tend to last longer if alcohol is served. That doesn't mean the reception without alcohol is a failure. It just may be shorter.

Ahhh...I need to go to sleep, but HIH, I had to respond to you. You're such an intelligent and thoughtful poster. I'm always impressed by how much you put into your posts.

I've followed your LDS/MOH story (translation: Latter Day Saint/Maid of Honor), and I did see that blue parachute you graciously agreed to wear as a BM for you LDS friend. You are a GOOD friend, lol. What struck me about your post was the coffee reference. I have a cousin, a baptized Catholic, and he moved from NY to Utah many, many years ago and married a lovely Mormon woman. He converted before they were married, and his parents were slightly confused as to why they had to wait outside while their son was being married (that's another story). Anyway, he and his wife are devout Mormons. I just learned, via his brother, that my cousin's wife (who has a Mormon lineage to rival that of Joseph Smith) consumes caffeine. I really was shocked. They follow all of the other rules, but she cannot give up her tea. I have no idea if the laws have been changed, but I know she indulges -- every day, several time a day. She's still a lovely, responsible woman, lol.

Haha sorry Centerpiece for keeping you up! You don't have to respond to this one, I'm just taking a break from writing my thesis proposal so I figured I'd respond :-) Thanks for the compliment, I always write a lot. You always have great posts too!

Luckily my LDS friend was a bridesmaid, I have my lovely sister as my MOH thankfully! That's really interesting that your friend loves her tea so much, I remember my friend in high school said it was "discouraged" but that seems like how all the "rules" are. She never said they were rules...just things to keep in line. I do know the church came out with a statement a few years ago saying that they're okay with caffeine but I think some people used to drink it before that anyway. Chocolate has caffeine in it actually (a small amount) and I knew plenty of Mormons who ate that haha!!

Honestly I think it is a hosting issue, when I first started planning we were surprised by the price of alcohol but we're gonna serve it anyway! We even switched to a venue that was less strict on alcohol. I want my guest to leave happy plain and simple. And honestly I'll probably have a few drinks myself. People drink at weddings and they dance. Do you really wanna look back on your wedding and day damn everyone left after dinner. :/ no I'm sure you don't. Now I have been to a wedding where there was no alcohol, but it was a Sunday brunch ceremony/reception and I highly think anyone really expected alcohol. You're having a dinner reception. Serve alcohol. And your budget is $3,000? Could you push your date back maybe to save more?

Weddings are obscenely expensive, in part, because people invite hundreds of guests they can't afford and then use excuses to not do things that are expected parts of a party. They insist that they don't want to pay to get people drunk, that the alcoholics in their family will fall off the wagon, and that adult humans will be absolutely so thrilled to be at a wedding that they'll drink lemonade and play corn hole without a snide comment, whether you hear it or not.

I know I said I was out, but these "should we do alcohol' discussions always seem to contain way too many posts trying to justify bad hosting (and yes, it is bad hosting unless it's a four year old birthday party) with just the tinge of self righteousness and accusations that adults who 'can't have a good time without alcohol' are some how less worthy of being invited. That we should just get over it, have a coke and play shoe games.

That's not how it works.

And seriously,.......a church telling you what to drink or not drink? That's just crap.

I like how the majority of posters disagree, yet every time a cash bar, dollar dance, no alcohol thread is brought up there's always like 8 people liking the comments agreeing with the cash bar, dollar dance and no alcohol people.

So there's clearly dozens of people who lurk these forums, are totally okay with being rude to their guests, but then don't have the balls to post and defend their shitty decisions. And it's probably the same people that like comments when someone attacks regular posters calling people bitches.

I'm pretty sure FutureMrs is a troll...

This may be a really pessimistic outlook, but I feel like out of all of the guests at a wedding, probably 50% of them are there because they are really happy for you and really want to see you say your vows and celebrate. The other 50% of them are there because they care about you somewhat and/or are related to you but are mostly there out of obligation and to have a fun time.

Is this back because we missed the usual wtf wednesday??

Snarky, you're probably right. She likes to make shitty as shit comments and then never comes back when everyone calls her an asshole ie the Right to Marry thread.

I think you're right Snarky....would you humor me and start a new thread with new pix of your new puppy?

She's either a troll, really horrible at arguments (her points make zero fucking sense), or just really dumb. So I hope troll.

" I guess southern fsmilies and friends care more about each other than just to show up for booze and food."

families*

No. You're making Southerners look bad. Your logic makes zero sense. And not everyone in the south has a dry wedding...i.e. me. Our families like to drink and have a good time and that is exactly what I want my wedding to be. It is a CELEBRATION. So celebrate how you want but don't put us down because we like to drink at our celebrations.

I only read some comments on the first page and this page so i don't know what is happening in the middle. but there were a few comments on the 1st page about how people would rather it be a dry wedding than a cash bar.

I have to say that if its really not in your budget then fine. BUT i would totally be willing to pay for drinks if there was an open bar. I wouldn't be too pleased about it, but i would much rather have the option to get myself wine than sit there the whole time without a drink. I would for sure leave early if there wasn't even the option

Just my honest opinion.

I can tell you that booze and food are necessary for many families to get together......

Oh, she's definitely a troll. Or my twin. My twin makes stupid arguments like that.

And Snarky is right. There are so many people you HAVE to invite to weddings because they are your family. We have people on our list that neither of us will recognize and it's going to be awkward. But we have to invite them. Because family politics. But we put those people into our budget so we don't complain about it. But if we only invited people we wanted there, we would be able to cut at least 25% of our guest list. Most of my family would be cut...

All the weddings I have been to have been dry weddings (4). Two were held in churches for the reception, one the bride wasn't 21 for so meh, and the last I just don't know their reasoning but I was also invited 4 days prior. I honestly didn't know having a dry reception was that terrible until I came here. My FH and I will be serving beer and wine, but when my mom misunderstood us on saying we weren't having an open bar, she mentioned it to people, and they were all fine with no bar at all.

As for the LDS caffeine questions, I am friends with a man who is very big in the church, and he said they are allowed to drink caffeine and that they really are just against dark liquids because they stain the carpets if spilled. Not sure if that is accurate, but it does add another layer.