No Alcohol

Go for beer and wine for your guest at least. I do understand your point of doing a dry wedding because of your sobriety, but you got to give your guest at least beer and wine.

Um, what? People spend $700-1000 to attend a LOCAL wedding?! Where are you getting these numbers from? We have never spent that much to attend an out of town wedding let alone a local one. Out of the country, sure.

My brother just got married and they had a dry wedding because both him and his bride are recovering alcoholics. Unfortunately, the bridesmaids had to ruin it and sneak in alcohol BEFORE the ceremony which was pretty selfish because I think the bride ended up having some and she acted a bit tipsy during the vows. It was fairly obvious, but clearly she couldn't handle the temptation. Her mom also snuck in alcohol to the reception which was just embarrassing, but she is also an alcoholic so nobody was surprised. Nobody else snuck in alcohol because they respected the bride and groom's request. Was there some moaning and groaning? Of course. Did the party die early? Absolutely. But if you plan for that and just have a nice dinner and plan to end on the early side will be fine, everyone will have fun and you will not be disappointed. If they NEED a drink to have fun, those guests can leave and go elsewhere.

My only advice would be to spread the word that it will by a dry wedding. I don't think their guests knew ahead of time and because they didn't expect it, there was disappointment. If people go in with that mindset everything will be FINE, I promise.

Congratulations on such a huge accomplishment!!!!

I will just say I would not be offended and it wouldn't bother me, however I doubt I am one of your guests. Consider this, do you know your guests enough. Do you have a lot of partiers. Do you have people who have red wine every night. Ect ect. No alcohol means less of a party atmosphere and if that is fine with you then move onto the next idea. Do people know you are recovering or have issues, If yes then it might be assumed you won't have it. If no then not having it will bring it to light and make you have people asking all sorts of questions yoy may or may not be ready to answer. How big is your group? How are you inviting other recovering alcoholics who could be a support group or will you be the only onea. Imo there are lots of things to consider but I would personally not be offended but would like the notice before hand.

One thing about a dry wedding is that people WILL sneak alcohol in and consume it without the supervision of a bartender.

Matimoniogrodnik -- Here's what I spent on the last local wedding I attended. It was black tie, and believe me, it wasn't "I wish it were black tie", it was black tie.

Gown: $194 (I don't have a collection of gowns in my closet)

Cosmetics: $120 -- hair, the MU, and the nails, it was $120

Hotel: $300 for two nights

Gift: $125 (and that's far less than I usually give -- which is typically $350 cash. I got a great deal at my wholesaler for a three foot tall, faceted, crystal, heirloom quality, display stand).

Gas and Tolls: $50

That's about $800. I'm going to another black tie family wedding in two weeks. I'll let you know what that costs.

@Cassie & @Matrimon: let me spell it out for you.

Most women will need new attire for a wedding. $150-$200

New shoes: $50

A man may or may not need a new suit. We'll say conservatively $150.

We're at $400 already.

Shower gift: $150

Wedding gift $250

$800 already

Food on the way because you didn't have time to fix lunch, and on the way home as a late night snack, as well as gas to and from: $100

Possible hotel for the night $100-$150/night.

That's $1000-$150, being conservative.

It's very easily done. That's also not counting if you're invited to other parties the couple has like bachelor/bachelorette and such, or are in the wedding.

Can a woman wear clothes she already has? Sure. But lots don't. Maybe they're old and way outdated. Maybe they don't fit anymore. Maybe she just wants something new to look fab. Whatever the reason, most women will pay for new attire. Men often do too.

OK so unrelated but swearing DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER, THEY ARE JUST WORDS SOMEONE DECIDED WERE BAD. Grow up and get your head out of your ass, words are only rude if you take them that way. And yes, being good a wedding guest is expensive. $100-150 for a dress and shoes, $40 at least for gas. $150-300 for a hotel. $20 for taxi/Uber. $$$ for a gift, and this is all assuming it's not black tie and I don't need to buy a gown and that FH doesn't need a new shirt or tie. Add in other random expenses you'll incur that day and it adds up pretty fast.

@Erin: Guess what? IDGAF whether you like me swearing or not. The purpose of this website is to help couples not treat their guests like shit, and barring that, ensure that if they're going to do so, they're fully aware they're being crap hosts, so that when their guests never attend another event they host, they're well aware of why.

Etiquette rules are social rules, absolutely. Otherwise, why would you start learning them formally as early as preschool and kindergarten? Remember that whole walk on the right side of the hallway thing? That's basic etiquette at work. Allowing someone who needs to get by you? Etiquette. Saying please, thank you, and excuse me? Etiquette.

Of course, if you don't do any of these, then I understand why the other concepts of etiquette would be lost on your poor, delicate sensitivities that get oh, so offended by a word like fuck.

OP, I struggled with this a lot when I first started planning, because FH and I are both in recovery. We both have fewer years than you and FH, actually. Congrats on that great accomplishment!

FH and I will not be drinking at our wedding, obviously, but our families like to drink. After reading about etiquette, and considering the fact that I really want my guests to have a great time, we opted for an open bar and trimmed our guest list number to accommodate it in our budget.

It is really tough, this negotiating alcohol in social situations. Ultimately, I realized that unless we elope, the wedding is about our guests as much as it is about us. I want everyone to have a great night and remember our wedding fondly. For them, that means drinking. For me and FH, it just means having them there.

There are so many things to love about your post, 2ndTime! Congrats to you and your FH.

Oh also, congrats on both of your sobriety

In this case, I'd say have a cake/punch style reception where alcohol is not expected.

I have several family members in recovery. Most of the people the hang around with are also sober. Having alcohol would be so out of character and potentially dangerous for some guests at their weddings. So I understand your predicament.

Personally, i know the people, whom I plan to invite that are sober quite well. They are comfortable around drinking. One of my priorities is making sure they have access to plenty of coffee and a smoking area. Neither of which, I will partake in. I'm doing it to make sure they are comfortable. I will also have alcohol for everyone who chooses to partake.

The way both mine and FH's families are, if we chose to have alcohol at the wedding, they would think we had gone crazy, so we won't be having any. I've been to one wedding out of it don't know how many that had alcohol, and that one only had beers, and it was 1-2 per guest. Every wedding has been equally fun. As a guest, I am there to celebrate my friends getting married, and I couldn't care less whether or not there's alcohol. Your guests are there to celebrate you, and they should respect whatever your decision is.

2nd Time -- You are an intelligent, wise, and generous host. You've got it -- figured it out -- and your wedding will be amazing. Why? Because you took yourselves out of the equation and focused on your guests. When you do that, you can't lose.

I'm gonna echo what a lot of PPs have said in the hopes that multiple opinions sway you. First and foremost, congrats on you and FH's sobriety. But as a person who just went to four weddings between Sept and Oct, and had to take off the work for each of them and spend a shit ton of money, yeah, I expect a responsible adult beverage when I attend a wedding where dinner is served. If that makes me entitled, then I will put that shoe on and lace it the fuck up. A reception is to thank the guests. Don't want to do that? Then elope. OR, as PPs have suggested, then have a cake and punch reception at an appropriate time in the day where a meal is not expected. But as an adult, yes, I expect an adult beverage with my dinner. And if I have taken off work, bought a plane ticket, rented a car, paid for a hotel and bought you a gift, then yes, I do expect an adult beverage. If you've been as sober as you say for as long as you say, the you've been around alcohol and found a way to still be sober. To not serve alcohol at your reception is just an excuse to save money. It has nothing to do with your sobriety. Don't be cheap. Serve a minimum of wine and beer for your guests who took time to accept your gracious invitation. Or have a cake and lunch reception. It's really as simple as that.

LibbyLane, guests don't have to respect your decision. You have to respect their needs and feelings. That's good hosting.

Nothing at a wedding is a need except a bride and a groom. I never said guests had to respect it, I said they should. That's polite. Everyone who will be at my wedding already assumes it will be dry, because that's just how they are. All they care about is that there's enough sweet tea.

1. You need a wedding couple, not specifically a bride and groom. Let's try and be inclusive, ok?

2. If you're eloping, then yes, the wedding couple need themselves and an officiant.

3. If the couple involves anyone else then of course more is needed.

4. Lurk more.

Contrary to what most of wedding wire believes, it's technically not against etiquette to have a dry wedding. It's against etiquette to have a BYOB wedding or a cash bar. A lot of people flat out thinks dry weddings suck, as you can see from the responses here but they're wrong when they say it breaks etiquette to not offer booze. It breaks etiquette to make your guests pay for the booze you're offering.

Wait Celia spending $700-$1000 a person?