No Alcohol

$1000 to attend a wedding sounds pretty reasonable. My brother's wedding was:

-$250 for FH's new suit

-$70 new dress shirt

-$100 for new clothes for me (1 jeans, 2 new tops)

-$50 new shoes

-$250 for hotel

-$100 in gas

-$100 in food (coffee, lunches, drinks)

-$200 in gift

So, $920? And I'm sure there are expenses I'm not considering.

Do people not own cloths prior to a wedding invite?? Lol why are yall spending $500 on a new outfit

What kind of shit show did I just read?

Ditto on everything that MNA, Centerpiece, BK said.

OP, congratulations on your sobriety. That's really great. But you've been sober Long enough to know how to abstain from alcohol. Are you going to tell us that in the last 7 years that you haven't been around not one drink for a couple of hours?

Also, you don't need to a baby sit anyone. They are grown ass adults who make their own choices. They know when to cut themselves off and if they don't know, your bartender will. Do not make the rest of your guests suffer through a dry wedding because you don't feel like babysitting them.

ETA: is it just me or are the noobs out full force as of late? Like I just can't fucking deal.

OP, congrats on your sobriety. That is amazing achievement.

But recovery means having to deal with alcohol in social settings. And if 14 years isn't enough time to prepare for you to deal with alcohol for a few hours, then I don't know what is.

Dry weddings really, truly fucking suck. I vote alcohol.

If you think it's the guests who need to be "babysat" because they might over indulge, you need better guests and a bartender to cut them off.

And as 1 poster pointed out, just because you might not have alcohol at your wedding, doesn't mean there won't be any. People can and probably will sneak it in.

Most likely, you will be legally responsible for any guests who cause damage due to alcohol (medical, property etc.) since it was your wedding in your name. Another very compelling reason why having your own bartender there.

I also agree dry weddings are a no go , my mother, 2 aunts and future SIL are all in recovery, they don't care that there is alcohol there, im not sure how most Venus work but mine require a professional bartender who will know when people have had to much as well as an on site officer per every 80 guests of legal drinking age .

I have an UO on this topic.

I think you are well within reason to have a dry wedding in this instance. Someone very close to me has been sober for the last 15 years. When my family and I attend their events (this person got married), we understand the event will be dry. It has never stopped us from attending. It is their values, and I believe that they have a right to uphold them in this instance.

HOWEVER! Their events usually end early. And their wedding was not the best wedding I've ever been to in my life--but I had a pretty good time. It ended at 8.

Straight up.

I rarely buy new dresses and shoes for a wedding - I just wear what I already have.

I'm not a heavy drinker, but I do enjoy a glass of wine at a wedding. That said, I would not side-eye two recovering alcoholics (in any stage of their sobriety) if they chose not to have alcohol - as long as there was plenty of other food and drink.

Just understand two things (that have already been said, but whatever):

1) People will sneak in alcohol. Hell, I had beer and wine at mine - which is considering perfectly fine - and I found out that some people went to a liquor shop down the street in between the ceremony and reception to buy and smuggle in the hard stuff.

2) The reception will have a different vibe. I went to a dry wedding once - with no dancing - and it was calm and nice, but not lengthy.

No alcohol. They will respect your FH decision to do better.

CONGRATS on your sobriety!! :+) I'm almost 20 yrs sober (fiance is a "normal" drinker lol) and we are having open bar. Many of our guests drink and can monitor their own intake but I don't want to limit/deny them just because I don't drink. If newly in sobriety I think hosting a smaller, intimate affair is a good idea (as a party atmosphere could jeopardize your sobriety) but at least for me, not drinking is a way if life now and it doesn't bother me at all and I really want our guests to have the choice to drink as little or as much as they would like and enjoy themselves on our special day. :+)

@ogalecia..i think the confusion was that one poster stated that the $700- $1000 was normal to attend a local wedding and even more if out of state.

I would not expect alcohol at a sober couple's wedding HOWEVER if they had some, I would be pleasantly surprised. Even if you just offer beer and wine, please do it for your guests. You won't have to "babysit" them, if that's your main concern.

PP's have it covered, but this is for Erin:

Fuck fuck fuckfuckity fuck fuck

shit

cunt

dick

bitch

mother fucker

pussy

twat

cock

We do not give one shit. Not one shit, not two shits. Not red shits, not blue shits.

Congrats on your sobriety. I would suggest that maybe you do a brunch reception with some mimosas. If you really feel that uncomfortable about having any alcohol do a dessert hour at a non-meal time. A traditional 4- 5 hour reception is a bit long without any adult beverages. I feel more compassionate towards your situation than someone who is just being cheap and doesn't want to pay for drinks.

Has OP even come back?

I won't be offended by a lack of alcohol, but I WILL be extremely pissed. Don't do that to your guests.

Laura K, nope she hasn't.

I think I sounded ruder than I wanted to, and I'm sorry about that.

First of all, 2d; you rock.

What REALLY irritates me is this notion that the day is 'all about the bride and groom" and the comments that say 'it's your day, do whatever you want, fuck everyone else. (OP, I don't think this is your stance, but the "babysit my guests' part is a little insulting. If you feel that you have to babysit your guests, then they shouldn't be your guests.

It's not. It's about treating your guests well which includes a variety of things from a glass of wine to enough food, to avoiding gaps, to not having hay bales..... Truly, inviting people comes with responsibilities.

700-1000.00 has been detailed in a number of posts, and it's realistic. The last time I went to a very fancy party for one of my clients, it was very close to that and even locally, many people choose to stay overnight.

Ultimately, you do what is comfortable for you; if your priority is not serving alcohol, possibly a change in format is warranted; local people only,cake and punch in the afternoon, short duration, or a great celebrant and a little restaurant.

The facts are that dry weddings are shorter, more sedate weddings.

Uhh. i think a lot of people in these threads are overlooking the real point of a wedding. sometimes etiquette is important, sure. but this isn't the queen's garden party; we aren't hosting foreign world leaders here. this is a celebration of love shared with friends and family. end. of. story.

whose weddings are you people going to that you're more concerned with getting what you "deserve" in return for showing up? i truly don't understand this logic.

and if you choose to give a generous gift and buy a brand new wardrobe for every event you attend then awesome for you. but that doesn't mean you're owed anything in return.

jesus christ.

First of all - congrats on both of your sobriety!

Personally, I do think there are two acceptable reasons to not serve alcohol at your reception: for religious reasons, or if the couple has been in recovery.

I also agree with @T-Rex - just know that some guests may be drinking beforehand or sneaking booze in, and that the reception will have a different vibe. I'd try to spread the word discreetly before the wedding through your closest friends and family so your guests aren't surprised and can be respectful.

@leahh yes but hosting your guests in the best way possible doesn't have to mean abandoning your own beliefs and convictions. alcohol isn't a necessity, in life or at a social event.

would i be a little disappointed if i went to a wedding that didn't serve booze? sure, maybe. but would i feel put out or disrespected? absolutely not.

any guest worth an invite should know and respect their hosts enough not to demand or expect something that they aren't comfortable with.