No Alcohol

Im just curious where people get these numbers that people attending weddings spend lol, I've never spent that much to attend one, btw congrats on your sobriety

Sorry Tiffany; it's only about the bride and groom ONLY

when they elope. The minute you have one guest, it's about the guests.

@Tiffany and @Erin: No, the ceremony is about the bride and groom. The reception is a thank you to the guests and is about... the GUESTS.

It ceases being their day when they invite even one person.

Congrats on the sobriety!

May I ask if you ever go out to eat in a restaurant? Do you ever see the people sitting at the tables beside you drinking? If you can do this then you can be in a social setting with alcohol

If you do a cake and punch reception then you can get away with no alcohol. If you want a fun party with people dancing and having a great time then serve booze

@MNA

It's about her and her future partner, THEY can host THEIR guests however THEY see fit. There are no rules to wedding hosting. What you are pushing are social norms which she does not need to follow.

@Erin: Actually, there are rules. It's called etiquette and the rules of good hosting. They are what make up social norms, which are the basic rules we live by everyday.

These are rules she absolutely DOES need to follow if she doesn't want to exhibit entitled, selfish behavior toward her guests.

Buy a fucking etiquette book and read it. You might find it enlightening.

You and your fiancé's sobriety trumps "etiquette". I'm sure whoever knows you would understand not serving alcohol. All of our guests have been completely supportive. Everyone handles sobriety different. I don't see it as selfish at all. Didn't realize alcohol was a make it or break it kind of thing for a wedding. I've been to a few that had none and didn't even pay any mind to it. We all still had a great time.

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I've gotten a lot of use out of this lately.

Winter warriors, flake on!

*eyeroll*

Congrats on your sobriety.

Noobs? I'm sorry I don't share your OPINION on the matter, and it is simply that your opinion. I don't understand why you think "etiquette" equals rules, because again it's not.

Also MNA is it appropriate in your "etiquette" book to curse at people on the internet you disagree with?

Tiffany/Erin nope the reception is not about you and you only. It's actually about your guests. It's to thank them for coming to the ceremony. It's not "your special day" anymore than it is anyone else's. There ARE rules to social hosting. You could not be more wrong.

Erin, swearing is not against TOS here. Sometime's it help when trying to make a point when people aren't listening to reason.

Guests should not be getting so drunk that they need to be babysat during a wedding.

I'm just here wondering who spends these crazy amounts to attend a wedding lol. Majority of the people attending my wedding will most likely not even get us a gift and I honestly don't even care! Who spends that much to attend a wedding though..

Babysit your guests? Recalibrate. They aren't afflicted with the disease. Maybe you and your FH needed babysitting before you sought treatment, but social drinkers don't. They know their limit, know when to stop, and CAN stop and switch to coffee. That's the difference between one who's afflicted and one who isn't. The only babysitter you'll need is the guy or gal serving the drinks to your guests. They can, and do, cut people off -- and you'll never be involved in those discussions.

Congrats on the recovery, but you're hardly newbies, right?

If he's been in recovery for 16 years, and you've been in recovery for seven years, how have you dodged alcohol at social events for that long? Have neither of you attended company holiday parties? Have neither of you attended family holiday dinners that host alcohol? Do you avoid all restaurants that have a drink menu? If you do, you're eating crap -- McDonald's and Burger King come to mind. Of course, unless you are limited to drive thru restaurants and decline all social and professional invitations, you've seen and handled -- for 16 and seven years respectively, people drinking alcohol. And guess what? You're still in recovery.

I'm sorry...I could get my head around "We've been in recovery for 14 months and we're not yet ready to face a party with alcohol", but at your stage of recovery, it's difficult to believe that the issue isn't really a financial one that can easily be covered with the flag of recovery. I have several family members who are in recovery. They attend full top shelf, open bar weddings, family luncheons in which 17 out of 20 people are ordering alcohol beverages, and they'd be embarrassed if we all drank coke on their behalf. They've also been in recovery for far less than seven years (let alone 16 years).

You don't have to drink at your wedding, even if you offer wine, beer, or liquor to your guests. I'm reasonably certain you've dealt with that. I didn't drink at my wedding, and neither did my husband. How long hadn't either of us had a drink? About three full months. It wasn't a challenge -- it was a choice. The bar was open, a majority of our guests enjoyed that bar, and we didn't have a fleeting moment of "Oh, should we?". Honestly, we didn't even toast with champagne while the rest of the room toasted with whatever liquor was in their glasses.

Will your guests be offended? No, they'll be well aware of the fact that you are opponents of alcohol -- not just for yourselves, but for everyone else. However, they will be bored. Sorry, but that's the truth. The doesn't make them bad -- it makes them people who expected a party and were served nothing but soft drinks. So, live with the result. You can curse them, insult them, or demean them, but it won't really matter to them.

All of the tea totalers who tell youwhat a freaking blast they had at dry weddings? Believe it or not (I don't). So, if you're fine with a short reception and/or people flasking it (which non-alcoholics will do), go ahead. It's far preferable for you to host a bar, let a licensed bartender monitor your guests, and remove all liability from the hosts should your guests get drunk, drive away, and cause an accident.

Host a bar. You certainly aren't required to partake, but at this point in your recovery, you don't have to drink it just because you paid for it, right?

@Cassie- we moved to another state so anytime any of our friends get married we have to travel back to MI. That means travel expenses, hotel, food, paying someone to watch our dogs, a gift. Do you think those things are free?

Jacks swearing may not be against "TOS" but it is incredibly rude. Thanks so much for weighing in though.

Erin, you might want to lurk more and kind of see how this community works if you would like to get the most out of it.