No alcohol at reception but alcohol at the "after party"???

Originally we were going to have our wedding and reception at a county park which would have meant no alcohol. We were planning to have an after party with alcohol. If the drinks cost that much I would totally do an after party. In addition to saving a lot of money it offers respect to those that don't drink and protects you from the over-drinkers. Win-win-win. In the end it's YOUR wedding and you can do things how you want.

Question: is the after party going to be at the same place? Are you renting during that period and that's why they prohibit bringing your own? Can you have a pay-per bar during the reception?

@ ToBeMrsM No, we are having what I am referring to as an "after party" but it's at the same location, same guests, everything is the same....nothing new. I want the civilized reception with more low key (yet rock) music at the reception. The finace' and I are both into hard rock and heavy metal (a LOT of '80s stuff). However, to be respectful to older guests and some of the more conservative guests, I want to have a break, so to speak, in between the wedding and the "fun" reception so as not to traumatize anyone (lol). The wedding starts at 6...on a rooftop and the reception is in the same place--on the other size of the roof opposite where we will take our vows.....and we are looking at "cranking it up" probably around 7:30 - 8 (after we change clothes) maybe for a couple of hours.

@Jaime, part of me has a gnawing feeling that it's tacky. Is it tacky to have a cash bar (or maybe just buy enough for 2 drinks per and when it runs out, it runs out, then go to a cash bar).

@Alexandra. Sorry...I saw your post after I submitted my last one. Yep.....everything is at the same place. Read my second post above. No, we cannot take our own alcohol because of licensing at the restaurant (so, $24 per bottle of wine, $120 per bottle of liquor, and $78 per case of beer - we save NO money buying in bulk). We are renting the rooftop and this restaurant, they are catering, and a DJ will be there for the duration to do the music.

I recommend enough bottles of wine for a toast. Then party it up at the after party! I don't think cash bars are tacky if people know ahead of time. I was at a wedding where they had a signature drink (pretty low alcohol content) and anything else you had to pay for.

@Alexander, yep and there are some heavy drinkers and I know MANY of the men who can drink a case of beer all on their own (and a few of the women who could do that, as well, and/or drink a whole bottle of wine).

I get why you would want to wait and have a more lively reception after the more conservative people are gone, but how can you be sure they will all leave by 8:00? And what if one or two of the "conservatives" were still hanging around when you started this after party? They'd probably be wondering why you didn't bring out the alcohol til then.

I think the guests who are not into drinking and dancing will leave shortly after dinner (cut your cake sooner rather than later). And then you can proceed with the "wilder" reception.

That's a good idea (although I'm not much into the toasting thing....we are not going very traditional......no bridesmaids, no groomsmen, no ushers, no "seating of the....," no song during the wedding (what an awkward 4 minutes) or pouring sand or lighting candles, no garter or bouquet throw.....just a ceremony and celebration. At our age, we're not much into the traditional, standard ole wedding stuff you always see. It's just not for us. AND I like your statement, Alexandra....it is OUR wedding. That's what I keep telling my fiance' (when he said "no song during the wedding")....I told him "this is our wedding and we can do whatever we want to" When my aunt said "please have normal music at the wedding..." I told her, "well, there's not gonna be so you may not wanna come.." For the people who know us, they fully expect everything to be how it will be. Guitar picks and huggies (with skull and cross bones "till death do us part"), albums for guest books, ..... :-)

Please let's not turn this into a cash bar vs. no cash bar post. We all know how they turn out. (See examples below)

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/cash-bar-yes-or-no-maybe-with-twist/c4669fd9b2a35cd1.html?page=1

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/cash-bar-or-dry-wedding-what-would-be-your-preference/40a4d3e8a209b09c.html?page=1 https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/cash-bar/3cc6f89d2491123f.html https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/cash-bar/d4db6d56f5e1218e.html https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/cash-bar/b1dbfbfab1d06e24.html

To answer the OP's question, personally I wouldn't do it. You run the risk of insulting your guests as to who was considered "alcohol worthy" and who wasn't.

@ Nancy, yes the ceremony will be over by 6:15 (God willing it starts on time). The cake will be cut by 6:45. Very few pictures, no having to walk or travel to the reception venue. Believe me, the people who don't drink or won't drink will be gone probably way before 8. I will say this, the area I'm from, you just don't go to many wedding where there is alcohol....even if the wedding isn't held in a church, people just don't provide access to alcohol.

Oh my Jac-Jac Attack.....you're giving me homework? LOL!

You can do whatever suits you as far as the bar but if you can't afford to offer the alcohol during the tame party part, how will you afford the alcohol for when people really want to throw them back? I don't see how that solves anything....

ETA: Just saw your other posts, are you serving any food other than cake? If all you can afford is a cake reception, DO NOT pay for alcohol! Drinking into the night without food isn't going to end well.

If you were having an after party somewhere else, I'd be ok with it. But being you have it at the same location, it's like "Ok. Please leave so I can have real fun." Do the guests know they have to leave at a certain time so the after party can start?

Hey now...

....and my firewall is blocking all but the first link. Oh well. The first link was enough. So, basically it will be rude for a cash bar, rude for a bar at a later time, rude for no bar. (Honestly, if someone can't wait 15 minutes through a ceremony and maybe another 30 minutes during a reception for a drink, they've got more serious issues than me NOT providing them with free drinks and are the exact person I'm trying to avoid getting crocked at my weddinig) Hmmmm.......there's a bar directly downstairs, there are multiple bars within 300 feet in any direction....I'm glad my friends don't expect alcohol. They have asked and have actually told me they wouldn't do it if the restaurant is charging per drink, just like they would on any normal day downstairs in their restaurant.

I wouldn't at the same location. You said 78 for a case of beer. How much beer is that and how many guests are you inviting that are drinking age? Does your venue allow a limited bar (basically you pay what you want and then it goes cash after that). I will be honest no matter what time you start the bar tab it you give unlimited alcohol depending on your guests well, it could easily still go over 2k. Why not just set a limit and that be that?

NOOOO, no guests are being shunned from the later dance. All are invited. These are not separate events. Waiting till later to open the bar was an idea.....not a way to treat guests separately BUT A WAY TO KEEP A LITTLE PART OF THE CEREMONY RESPECTFUL TO OTHERS.....THEN if they don't like the music or alcohol, they can leave....their choice. Again, I am trying to keep some decorum for a little while afterwards. I am NOT trying to treat anyone differently. These are people I want to be there and celebrate with me. But I don't want to run off some people immediately following our ceremony with Godsmack and Ozzy and songs with probable obscenities....

Yes, we are having food. Heavy hor d'oeuvres with sliced steak and vegetables, tea and coffee and water provided. This isn't a sit down meal but food that could be served as a sit down meal.

Oh, and we do not have to decide on the food or the alcohol until the week before the wedding. Everything else is done except for a decision on the alcohol.

And for those who think I am being tacky, what I'm trying to do is avoid being tacky without breaking our bank for people to get drunk, instead of just celebrate.

I'm OCD, so, if this is all I have to worry about, then I'm doing pretty good at this point. 6 weeks and 5 days.

@ToBeMrsM.......I wasn't thinking of it as giving to some and not others. I was simply thinking of it as having a reception hour, then opening the bar for everyone to dance and listen to some great music. It never crossed my mind that people would leave then get ticked off when they find out they didn't hang around long enough to get to drink. Maybe we do need to just walk down the street to another bar and avoid this whole issue.