Negative stigma around wedding date

My friend got married on 9/11/10. We live in NJ.

I think people would be happy to celebrate that day with you. As @Amber said, the goal of terrorism is to make us afraid. If we don't carry on with our lives, then their goal has been met.

I'm conflicted.

On one hand, life has to move on after tragic days. We need to have happy times and memories to outweigh the bad.

On the other, this is a hard day for everyone. You will be missing any military, and @Punkin is right- any NYC/DC family is going to struggle.

I also feel like if you're asking this question, you already know the answer. Honestly, whatever date you get married will have significant meaning to you, because it's your wedding day! So choosing a date that already has a meaning is kinda pointless.

I would go for it. 9/11 isn't going to go away. You will always remember the terror attacks but people still celebrate birthdays and anniversaries on that day.

I would avoid this date.

I wouldn't. It's too raw for many of us. It just doesn't feel appropriate to celebrate on that day.

I especially disagree with the advice to choose 9/11 and highlight why it's special to you. Pointing out why you chose it will just draw attention to the tragedy. It could make you come off as really self centered and tone deaf. I'm guessing you were really young or lived far from NY at the time of the attacks?

Eh, I wouldn't do this & would side eye an invite that purposely made the date sept 11th- it's not a time to celebrate in my mind.

I am honestly curious now. Have posed the question to my intelligence community friends.

As a New Yorker, I'm a strong believer that we can't have terror stop us living our lives.

That being said, as a New Yorker with many family and friends in law enforcement who were affected, I would never do it. It's too raw and too close for me, my family, and my friends. However, if I were invited to a wedding on that day? I would probably go and just think it was a little weird you chose that day, especially if I didn't know there was a reason you chose it.

UO here... I have a friend who's birthday is 9/11. It was her birthday before the attacks and it is her birthday after the attacks. Her family and friends still celebrate her the same. I agree this was one of the saddest days as a nation, but it would still be your wedding anniversary and a reason to celebrate. What I will say is, as others have, if you're really close to NY/NJ/PA I probably wouldn't. People often make it a day of reflection. Tough call but if it has significance, do it. We're doing Father's Day weekend because of significance and everyone won't love it.

I think if you took enough time you could find a problem with every single day on the calendar. Ultimately it is up to you what date you want to get married on and maybe if you did choose 9/11 that day may begin to mean something more to people.

I personally would feel a little surprised by it. I probably would think it's a little weird that you chose the date, and I'd feel strange celebrating. But I don't know if I'd skip it? I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I think this is a situation where I would rather not risk it because I'd be unsure how others would react.

Agree that if you are asking the question you probably know the answer. Is it locked in? Just push it a week or something.

Go with your gut instinct on this one...

I wouldn't... And I didn't.

Our venue only had a few openings in September (our ideal month), and one of them was the 11th.

The father of one of my closest friends was in the Towers, was badly burnt, and in the hospital for 6 weeks. They had her Bat Mitzvah on 9/11. It was more a statement that terrorists do NOT get to own that day. I would gladly celebrate a wedding on that day.

Frankly, I wouldn't do it. I'm also from New York, so perhaps that's why I wouldn't. It's far too fresh and real and no matter what reason you give people, they'll still feel it's an odd day to get married. There are 364 other days of the year, I would choose one of those!

I have a friend whose birthday is that day. Do they not get to celebrate anymore? Of course not! Letting terrorists take that day from us essentially gives them exactly what they wanted. Turning that day into something positive in no way diminishes the remembrance of lives lost. If that's the day you want...go for it!

You don't want your wedding to be negatively associated with a horrible event. People are going to read September 11th and immediately think about the attacks.

Is there anything wrong with having a wedding on that day? No.

Is it the best idea? No.

If you're really dead set on this date, try to do a moment of silence for the victims of the attacks.

I think it's definitely a know your crowd. I agree that if you are anywhere on the East Coast I definitely wouldn't. I am in CA and we don't do much on that day. The first 5 years it was all over the news and newspapers. Now it's mentioned a little here and there but I guess the media figures we already know. Of course we do. I would attend a wedding on Sept. 11 and would be glad for something happy. Why not the day you met instead though?

I think if you were trying to plan this wedding in somewhat of a short time period and this were the only Friday or Saturday left at a venue that you liked, then I would say go for it and don't worry about it. But since you're planning several years out, I think you should avoid choosing this day, especially for the trivial (sorry) reason that you want it.