Need Advice: Honeyfund or no Honeyfund?

@Rachel R. No they aren't. Thank you for all the advice on it.

Don't do it.

Ok so i have to ask all the people that are adamantly against honeyfunds this...

if you and your FH/FW have been living together for years and already have a house full of everything you could possibly need, wouldn't a traditional gift registry be considered being greedy?

also if you decide not to do a traditional registry and people constantly ask you where are you registered what do you reply?

also if you have expensive taste and you know that anything that you could possibly want to register for is expensive and most likely more than any one person would be willing to spend on a wedding gift, wouldn't registering for those things be considered rude?

and please do not attack me for asking these questions... i am just trying to understand the big issue about honeyfunds. and yes i have read all of the other posts about them....

The purpose of a registry is to prevent duplication of gifts. If you don't need things, don't register or create a very small one. People will get the idea that you don't need stuff.

The big issue about honeyfunds is that it's rude to ask for money. Even when candy coated in the deceptive packaging of "experiences" for the couples, which is a lie anyway.

I repeat: Everyone needs something. Towels get ratty, sheets get holes, appliances fall apart or come out with better or bigger models.

Again please refer to my questions above... I keep reading that they are tacky and rude but i'm trying to figure out what the alternative would be...

@Patricia the alternative would be having a small registry or no registry at all. If you don't have a registry at all, just tell people you aren't registered. They will get the hint.

Honeyfunds are also a bad idea because most honeyfund services will take a fairly large percentage from your donations. Asking for money via a honeyfund is a bad idea, but having a service take 5+% of your gift money on top of that is ridiculous.

All these comments were so helpful lol thank you for the advice

@SoonToBeNeal

What if people are not getting the hint and continue to ask you what you need? What if you get tired of being asked the question (cause it's not like you don't have a million other things you are trying to get done before the wedding)?

And since I like to make sure that I am not giving mis-information I went on the honeyfund site and the fees are no where near 5%. Taken from honeyfund.com:

WePay fees: 2.8% + $0.30

PayPal fees: 2.8% + $0.30/transaction

To me this is a convenience fee just like any other company would charge for the convenience of not having to write a check/remember to get cash/buy a card/remember to bring the card/check/cash to the wedding.

And if asking for money is rude why is asking for a gift that is purchased with money rude?

Again I'm just trying to understand... Thanks!

Patricia, I gave you an alternative up there^^. You just don't want to hear it.

First of all, make it word of mouth that you prefer cash, if you must. Have your family tell people (when asked) "they really don't need items but they're saving for..". People will get the hint.

Making a small registry is not an alternative. Guests will go to that site/store hoping to purchase something for you but if you only have 5 things on the list, of which 4 are super expensive and the one item that isn't very expensive has already been purchased, they may come back to you asking what else do you need? What do you say then? I read your answer. I'm still trying to understand...

Why does it have to be super expensive? Some people like to give physical gifts. You can't make them give money, even with a Honeymoon registry. I don't understand your question.

Make a small registry of physical things you could upgrade, and spend the word that you're saving for... People will then likely opt for money as a gift.

A registry is not a list of demands, once again. It was originally intended to prevent duplication / mismatching of things for the home.

Seriously?

@Sagan, yes, seriously.

I personally don't see why this is any more tacky than having a traditional registry, where you're asking to fill your house with crap you probably don't need/will barely use. I'd rather give someone $50 than spend it on something they won't want. I'd do what YOU feel is best, it is YOUR wedding. If your family has a history of being comfortable with monetary gifts, then go for it! Besides, not every single guest is being forced to shell out hundreds of dollars, they're just helping out little by little.

My FH and I have the household items down. I lived alone for several years after college, as did he, so when we moved in together, we didn't NEED much. So while we have plenty of towels, sheets, pans, etc, they don't all necessarily match, or go with our new home, which is vastly different from our post-college and first-together apartments.

Moral of the story: you are wrong if you think you couldn't possibly need anything on a gift registry. Don't do a honeyfund.

It's not the giving of monetary gifts that's the issue, it's the asking for money that is. Also what the guest buys (the experience--whale watching for example) isn't what is given to the wedding couple (a cheque). If I have to spell it out further, what if Aunt Mildred wants to see the photos of the whale watching tour she gave you but you spent the money on other things. What then? Sorry Aunt Mildred they lied to you and just gave us a cheque?

It doesn't have to be super expensive. I totally understand that some people like to give physical gifts. There is nothing wrong with that. However if a couple has expensive taste, why take the time to fill out a registry with items that you really do not have any use for (just because it will provide an affordable gift for someone to give you)? That to me sounds greedy. Why not set up a wishing well to collect money to buy the things that you want and will use?

Isn't spreading the word that you are saving for ... the same as saying "We are saving for a honeymoon and if you would like to help us achieve that goal we would be grateful."?

A honeyfund is not a list of demands. It is intended to fund a honeymoon. It is intended to prevent a couple from receiving gifts that they have no want or need for that they will have to return if they are given a gift receipt which most people never do anyway.