My Pastor won't marry us

Wow...that sounds really sticky. I say that if the Pastor is not willing to marry you, you do what you gotta do. Use the other church to parry you and then maybe consider getting your marriage "blassed" by your church at a later date.

my friend had to do that because he his church didnt recognize the first marriage....three years later! So what they are doing is getting married on Juune 21...three years after the first marriage. So it will have the same date...just different years.

Ugh...how frustrating! Im so sorry!

That's frustrating! I agree with Jennifer O.; I think using the other church to get married then having it blessed at your church at a later date (1 year anniversary perhaps) is a great idea.

Good luck!

I dislike this situation b/c I feel God is the one that will ultimately matter regarding marriages. Who marries you is not as important. I understand that you've known the pastor forever, but in this situation I would just go with your fiances church. I think going to the JP and then keeping it a secret from your family would be dishonest. However, these are only my opinions. You do whatever feels right for you two.

Oh that is frustrating but I think Jennifer's idea of going ahead with your wedding now using FW church and a year later doing a vow renewal (so to speak) at your church would be the best option. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this..

Also I'm assuming you are new I haven't seen you post before so welcome and Congratulations!

I know several pastors who will not marry couples who are living together. The pastors feel responsible for blessing the marriage, and a marriage beginning in opposition to the teaching of the church can cause some issues for the pastor. You have to decide which is more important - having your pastor marry you (in which case you need to get separate places) or staying with your current circumstances (in which case you let another pastor officiate).

Def something to think about. Keep the comments coming. We have been engaged since October 2010 and this has been a road block since then. Not to mention my Pastor keeps calling to talk. BUt Why talk I dont feel comfortable about hiding a JP think. And then my rents who are on the fence. They back me up but also on the Church side. Sigh!!!

Thanks to everyone replies. Well I am telling ya guys there is no more money for me to stay somewhere else or her. I like the idea of renewing vows year later or something. Greyash thanks I talked about the idea to my family and rents. Family agrees to just use other church. My rents mostly my mom well she is on fence as she is more religious than I am.

VictoriaC thanks for your kind words.

I agree with what the other ladies have said. Get married with the FH pastor, and perhaps on your 1 yr anniversary get a small vow renewal with your pastor.

I can understand where your pastor is coming from, but in this day and age, with the economy the way it is - sometimes it isn't possible to live in two different places.

Congrats on your engagement and happy planning!!

I think it's a little crazy, but that's just my opinion. My FH and I had to end counseling because the minister refused to continue with us living together. His reason was that we could not help but to fornicate since we live in the same household. As soon as I get married I'm going to email him and tell him how wrong he is. I personally would be turned off by the fact that he refused and just have your Fianće's minister marry you.

Speaking as someone who did the JP thing with the intent of keeping it a secret... It's impossible to do. Your pastor doesn't have the right to force you into something like that. Thankfully you have the option of another pastor.

Thanks Unique and Mrs.Lesenski for your responses. Adding to what you said Unique. What is a way I could tell my pastor that we are getting someone else to marry us.? But you all make perfect sense.

You don't want to keep it a secret if you get married in anyway. Is this because you's are living together? Can the pastor whom you knew since you were 8, marry you at your FW's church along with her pastor maybe?

I have seen this done. Two pastors come together at one church.

I hope you figure something out and come to a compermise, I would definitely not JOP if you don't want to do something like that especially to do it and not keep it a secret.

good luck in whatever you do.

Thanks Crystal. No miss2mrs10 my Pastor cannot because I am still living in Sin. He must need permission from the elders to perform the wedding. And they say no. Now if I was to get married tomorrow by JP which I am not. Then everything is good in Elders eyes and im not sinning anymore lol.

I've dealt with this directly with my best friend. In the end, he ended up asking me to perform the ceremony instead. Since we've been friends for so long a time, I went ahead and got ordained online to perform the ceremony. I don't believe the church is neccessary for a wedding, as the Bible says where two or more are gathered, God is there. I've been a youth leader for years now, but my wife and I got married outside, because I didn't want to be confined to a church. Plus, a church will never be as beautiful as the outdoors.

Joshua, you need to be honest, but respectful when talking to your pastor. Just tell him that while you are disappointed in the churches decision not to particpate in the joining of lives you have decided that having your fiance's pastor marry you would be the best choice for ya'll.

Then, if it were me, I would politely as possible ask him to stop calling you in regard to your decision unless the church had a change of heart and decided he could participate. No sense in continuing to take his calls if he's just wasting his and your time.

That doesn't even make sense! A year later? What would be the point? Your union will already have been blessed by God, what would you need him for? I say go with your finance's church.

You could get married by JP and keep it a srcret and then get married by your Pastor.As for your anniversary you can celebrate it on the day you got married in church since it's more scared to you.

My husband and i went through pre-marriage counceling and i had to move back home until we completed our hours and our pastor could marry us we had a small wedding on dec 4 with only immediate fam and are also going to have a larger ceremony and reception in april. and we celebrate dec 4 as our anniversary. just a suggestion.

I think that the idea of getting married in your FW's church and then renewing you vows after a year is a great idea. In my mind, if you're committed enough to stand before God and your family and friends and marry your girl, who cares what has gone before. I am tired of Church (whichever one it may be) telling us how we *should have* lived our lives, not how we should live them going forward. And, may I just say how refreshing it is to see a groom on here! Welcome