My Pastor won't marry us

Soo.. It's not ok to live with someone you love but lying to your whole family is a-OK?

I am not religious by any means so maybe this is over my head but that doesn't seem like a good way to start your married life together.

This is terrible. My FH and I lived together for 7 yrs. and had a child before we decided to get married. Our pastor still officiated our son's dedication ceremony AND he will be officiating our wedding ceremony this coming July. My advice to you, would be to follow your heart. If you aren't cool with the idea of going to the JP, then DON'T DO IT. There is no reason why you and your fiance should compromise what you really want just because the "church" can't handle your personal choice to live together. I would tell him respectfully, yet firmly and with great conviction " Rev/Pastor So-and-So, I respect your beliefs, but my fiance and I aren't concerned about saving face. We are extremely uncomfortable with the idea of getting married at the JP and walking around perpetrating a fraud, like we're an engaged couple if we are not. We have decided to have another Pastor officiate our ceremony. " Keep it short, sweet, and to the point. No further explaination is needed on your behalf.

My heart is breaking at the fact that any of us have to go through this. I am also going through it at my Church. They tell you to get married to stop living in sin yet they refuse to marry you because you are sinning... "He who has not sinned shall cast the first stone." (John 8:4) My biggest wish was to have my Dad at my wedding. He got ill May 2017 with a severe diabetes attack. We had to put our planning and wedding on hold. One lady at our Church cut us off because we didn't get married when she wanted us to and because I wanted a wedding dress. This was right after I told her that I wasn't going to go ahead with the wedding until my Dad was better. Everyone else in the Church was friendly and respectful of my situation and asked if we need help with planning including the Pastor and his Wife. I did not want to take advantage and step on toes so I asked what we are able to do. They told us to invite as many people as we want and that we will do a potluck reception. My Dad got better months later and was in the process of helping us plan and he told us, "I will help you. Don't do anything you will regret. God knows what is in your heart. You don't have anything to prove to anyone unless it's to God." We didn't have everything ready and my Dad passed away January 7, 2018. I then told the Church, "No matter if we can have the reception the same day or not or whether we get the rings in time, we'll set the date for no later then Summer which gives us more then enough time to grieve over the loss and plan our wedding. I just really want a wedding dress as I've wanted one ever since I was a little girl." I wasn't going to do it without the reception at first but I figured I was being stubborn before as we can always do that part later. Now after my Dad's passing, the Pastor is saying we have to prove ourselves and do the right thing and that includes no dress or suit, 1 witness each, no reception, no rings and we must complete counseling. He even raised his voice and said, "You're living in sin! This is not a joke! What if Jesus came down right now? What would you say? Seriously WHAT WOULD YOU SAY? You need to prove to me and do the right thing. If you're feeling sick it's because you are living in sin. I know you're emotional because your Dad just died but just do the right thing." I literally went my whole life beating myself up in oppression and recently started to feel better in the last few weeks. I told the Pastor that including my struggle with Anxiety and Depression while I was going through it. Even after knowing this about me, he didn't seem to care about bringing me right back in to oppression. I left the Church shaking and crying. I was shocked, angry and heartbroken. I felt like he was judging, bullying and manipulating us. It's hard enough my Dad won't be there. I'm not just going to throw in the towel as my Dad knew he could pass any time and told us to do what we feel is right in our hearts even if he were to pass away. I don't even want someone who doesn't respect and believe in us to be the one to marry us. I don't even know whether the Pastor will tell us to move to seperate places or not but the whole Church knows I'm looking for work and my Fiancé makes minimum wage. My mom left when I was 10 and I don't even know where to find her and my Dad has passed away. My Fiancé doesn't know where his Dad is and his mom lives in an extended care facility/rehabilitation hospital. We are both really starting to regret even telling them that we wanted to be members after just a month of going there. That's when they asked if we were married.... Although very tempting, I did not lie. We're both strongly considering to get married somewhere else. It's only for us to show God we are really committed to each other and ready to join together as one.

I apologize for the really long rant.

So basically wont marry you because you live together? I though God was the only one who could judge you?

View Quoted Comment That's exactly what I believe. God is the only one who has the right to judge. Basically if we want to get married there, we have to do it exactly their way as we are apparently supposed to prove to him we are not selfish because he wants a tux and I want a dress that day.... I guess 80% is selfish then considering how he judged us and we're not even asking for everything normal weddings have let alone going all out. In the past they said Marrying us is their gift from us and now he is changing the rules. That's like giving someone money and saying its out of the goodness of your heart and then you hover over the person to watch what they are using the money for and then tell them how to use it... As far as I'm concerned, it's our wedding day we have to live with that. I also have fertility issues so children may or may not happen unless its God's will. That's why Im hanging on to my views on what that day should be like. That's our one day im asking for. If I want to go all out, that's not his call to make. He has the right since its in his Church to tell us how its going to go, so we will just go somewhere else. Judging however, uncool to say the least.