My mother has a new boyfriend

WTH did I just read? OP, I hope you can shed some light on why you don’t think you have to invite your Mom’s BF. This whole post is more of a reflection on you/your reaction than him mentioning being at your wedding. The fact that he mentioned being at your wedding is not reason to give him the cold shoulder.

You stated that it’s been just you n your Mom for 15yrs. She deserves a loving relationship just as much as you do! If she’s in a healthy, happy one…why would you not want her BF at your wedding.

You can be shocked, upset, have weird feelings about your Mom dating; but you do not have the right to be anything but supportive n happy for her. Cough up the extra $100 & spend the next year getting to know him. Have an welcoming attitude & an open mind.

Sorry, I'm usually not too beach-ie; but this one got under my skin!

So, OP, your mother has been supportive of your relationship.

Why can't you be supportive of hers?

@FutureMrsGregory I hear what you're saying, but, also consider your mother's feelings. I totally get you don't want to spend an extra $100 on this guy, but for the sake of your mother having a good time you should. Try to talk to the guy, try to get to know him so that, to you, he doesn't end up being "some dude" at your wedding.

I'm not a huge fan of my childhood best friend's husband, totally not my type of guy, don't really want him at my far-off wedding. But, when the time comes I'm not going to go to my friend of 18 years and go "BTW don't bring your hubby cause' I think he's a weirdo."

Alright Future Mrs G Throw a hissy fit about mommy getting some and see where that gets you. You are acting like a child. Regardless of etiquette, you are talking about your mother It doesn't matter what the plate costs at your wedding she gets a plus one cause she pushed you out her vajayjay. If you have such horrible family dynamics then don't invite her. You have a year to relax and not make a scene. See where this relationship goes before you starting handing down ultimatums

ETA: Just saw your response. If she has always been supportive why can't you. Your mother deserves happiness the same way you do. Maybe the introduction wasn't the greatest, but the man is trying to be cordial to you. You can try the same for your mother's sake. If he makes her happy you should respect her relationship.

I understand your feeling OP. Only because I have a similar situation with my dad who consistently has a new wife or gf every two years or so. He's currently in the middle of his 6th divorce (which only lasted a year) while dating some new chick (who may become number 7, who knows.) I really get tired of pretending to entertain all his different wives constantly over my whole life as if they are going to stick around. It's annoying. I'm sure he will want to invite new chick. I'll allow her to come I guess but I understand you not wanting new guy to come.

Gee that's a tough scenario where she wants you to get married and be happy and yet you apparently don't want this man who clearly makes her happy to show up wt your wedding.

Gotcha. Such a tough life.

You know some parent's disown their kids for who they choose to love....

I'm kind of tired of the etiquette police saying he needs to be invited, they're a social unit, blah, blah, blah. I'm sure you're going through a mix of emotions now: You're just finding out about this man after they've been seeing each other for a few months; you've had your mom to yourself this time and now there's a new dynamic; the first encounter you have with this "stranger" he announces he'll be in attendance at YOUR wedding; he already know more about you than you do him.

Change is hard. Take a breath, and when you've had some time to process everything, try to find empathy for your mom and her situation. Don't focus on your mom bringing him to your wedding, focus on getting to know him a bit. If closer to the date, you're still not sold on him, then talk with your mom about your concerns, maybe she'll understand and be okay with attending alone.

Just a word of advice/caution from experience, if it comes to it, don't make your mom choose between coming to your wedding without him and not coming at all. Because if she's put in that position, you may not like her choice. Wishing you luck in this.

*ETA: Don't know your situation about your family dynamics, but I would honestly recommend seeing a counselor just to be able to vent, and hopefully get some third-party perspective to help you adjust to your moms relationship.

@mzj - I doubt it's the same. Did you feel the same with your dad's first wife/gf? Or are you jaded now because he's done this numerous times?

This is the OP's mother's first bf in 15 years....not the same.

I do not believe everyone gets a plus on BUT, your wedding is a year away. If they are still dating then, it is a long term relationship. Also, even if you were not generally giving plus ones, I think divorced parents should get plus ones, especially if there ex is remarried. It can be difficult to come by yourself.

I understand you are upset at what he said, but try to be positive, he may have only been trying to be nice. If he hadn't had mentioned the wedding, some people would take that as a lack of interest.

Had to google FOH, fuck outa here? Real mature. Good Luck!

It's a destination wedding? So that means he would be paying for his own transportation there and a hotel room for multiple nights possibly? And you can't cough up $100 for this man, your mom's boyfriend, to attend your wedding?

TGIF everyone.

Waiting for the thread to be locked...wheeeee

You are so far out from your wedding. You may not visit often but you have time to visit and get to know him. That is not fair to you mother at all to say you don't want him there when you don't even know him. She is an adult and has every right to be in a relationship and you need to get over it.

@elizabeth it's not even about etiquette. It's about it being her MOTHER!! If she is as close to her as she is claiming she should be over the fuckin moon that she has found someone, and after 15 years!!! I'd tell my mom to bring two dates after that long.

@FutureMrsGregory we ARE trying to help you. That, and if you've been here for more than 5 minutes you should know what kind of reaction you were going to get.

I get that you're upset, I get that you don't want to spend the money. I can't understand your family dynamic unless you explain it. However, its reasonable to assume you love your mother, and thus its reasonable to give the guy a shot.

And, if on the flip side you actually don't love your mother, why is she invited anyway?

OP, you have not explained anything that makes you not inviting him seem reasonable. I don't think this is etiquette, I think it is being kind to your mom. Unless the person is abusive or something of the like, you not inviting him because you don't know him well sounds like a temper tantrum from a teenager. Feelings are allowed, but being a shitty daughter should not. Think about it a little more, you have the time to reevaluate how you are reacting before even thinking of invitations.

You've got to suck it up - you're an adult not a teenager. Be happy for your mom. It sounds like she's been alone a long time and if this dude makes her happy, it should make you happy.

Elizabeth, it has nothing to do with etiquette police. She's apparently never even met this man and has taken a stand against him being at the wedding.

He gets an invite. If he doesn't, any random stranger her mom wants to invite does.

Yes, it's change. For you, for her, for him. It's not your fish to fry.

So your mom asking your FH if he’s going to marry you the first time she meets him is okay, but her BF being excited for you two is inappropriate and now you hate his guts? Seriously?

Put on your big girl panties, be happy for your mother, and if they are still together in October of 2018, pay the fucking $100 for him to come celebrate with you and your mom.

Are you not giving your mom a plus one at all then? You say it's just been you and your mom but now your FH is a part of this dynamic. How come you get to have a relationship and your mother doesn't? That's very selfish. If you want to meet this man before the wedding, then try to set something up. But to not allow your mom to bring a date would be awful.