My dad won't walk me down the aisle.

This makes me really, really sad for you. Not that you found a man who you love and loves you, that's all great. But the fact that you don't see all of the underlying issues and you think your dad's behavior is ok. It's totally not. I was in a similar situation, only thankfully, my parents didn't force me to marry my son's dad, regardless of how religious they are. If you want to marry your FH, that's fine, but please take some more time. Yall both have a lot of growing up to do and things to experience. You both will change so much from now to 25...maybe even then some. I can only speak from experience. Just from your posts, you seem hurt by your dad and the fact that you can't even talk to him about this is not okay.

ETA: not saying that age has anything to do with it but I feel that in your case, it is appropriate for you to take some more time for you and your son.

@Kela - Well, first of all, hello WV! I kind of stalked your profile after seeing the WVU jersey in your photo. (We are getting married in WV, from WV although we live elsewhere, parents live there, went to WVU, and so on).

I had a long post about what has happened to you, but maybe you've heard enough of all that. I just want to say that I am sorry for what happened to you. It doesn't particularly sit well with me! But I don't think you should have your dad walk you down the aisle anyway after all that's happened. Walking by yourself or with your son in some fashion sounds better to me. And walking by yourself is not uncommon anymore, if you choose to do that!

Like Ally said, it is VERY easy for parents to force you into marriage, especially when a pregnancy is involved.

I got pregnant with my son while engaged to my ex and my mom went BSC and tried to force us to move up the wedding. Once she realized that she couldn't buy us off, she lied to her friends at the country club and told them I was very married.

Ally-- she was 17, pregnant, and I assume living in WV-- I 100% agree she had no other practical option than to do what they told her. But some people expressed confusion about how her parents could "sign off", so I thought it would be helpful to clarify.

It's not uncommon for parents to coerce their pregnant teenage children to get married and honestly, i can understand why some parents would feel like that's the best thing to do (that's not to say they're RIGHT, just that i understand why the idea might be tempting). i think it's a little unfair for posters here to call her parents monsters for this sort of thing, especially since kela has been pretty clear that her dad loves her and is good to her.

the situation with her ex and the history of that relationship and marriage don't really take away from what i believe to be the real issue - her father probably just doesn't think she's ready to get married again and doesn't seem to want to support that decision.

so again, if kela thinks she knows better (it is her life, after all) then she'll just have to live with the fact that her dad isn't on board and hopefully prove to him that she's doing the right thing by having a happy and strong marriage and family. if his approval is really important to her, then maybe she needs to pump the breaks and consider his perspective.

Thanks for clarifying Barbara! They told me I would have to move out and live alone if I didn't marry him and of course he was pushing himself Bc he wanted to marry me. I thought my only option was to marry him (if I had only known what I know now...) so that's where the "forcing" comes in. They legally had to sign the papers for the courts but I still had to do everything else. I just did it thinking I had no other option for me and my child. As I mentioned before, since then, I've been through therapy and lots of help. Just wanted to add that. (:

I 100% agree with everything Ally has said- I really don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

I would absolutely distance myself from my father if he treated me like that (I can and I have actually).... I would a.) wait longer for your engagement and b.) walk myself- or some OTHER more supportive figure in your life (PS- spoiler- doesn't have to be a man) if you really don't want to walk alone.

There was a girl who is meeting her FH at the entrance (coming through opposite entry points) meeting in the middle and walking each other up to the front together- that's an option also.

Wow. There's a lot that's happened to you since you were licensed to drive a car. Slow down. Really, slow way down.

You have bigger things to think about than whether your quiet father will be open to a conversation about walking you down the aisle in a year. Your baby is barely a toddler (actually, he may not be toddler -- I don't know how they categorize babies anymore). Does that baby have a biological father -- abusive or not -- in the picture? Does he see his son? How about paternal grandparents? Is your ex angry that you left him (abusive men are often possessive men, and while they may leave their spouses, they don't like their spouses leaving them)? How does your new boyfriend feel about bio-dad? Is there animosity there? Could bio dad seriously complicate your life by changing the custody order or even initiating one if one doesn't exist (and unless he's done something horrifically wrong, he will be given visitation, even if it is initially supervised)? I'm asking you these questions not to muddy the waters, but to clarify them. These situations (especially with very young mothers) can get very dicey.

My life experience tells me that you need to see how your new guy interacts with your son -- not your pre-verbal, still containable, lives on formula, baby of a son, but a three year old who eats three times a day, won't stay in bed, may drive him crazy type of son. There is absolutely no way to know the answer to that until time passes.

These are important issues, and while you're probably sick of hearing it, you're very young and you have an awesome responsibility. You made some terrible mistakes by marrying the first guy (and I don't understand this "my parents signed me away to him even though they knew I didn't want to" -- which is essentially what you're saying). The whole idea of that breaks my heart. Did they know, or did you hide the abuse? I am truly concerned about the entire dynamic here.

One last thing -- you may not even realize this, but you do have a subconscious desire to erase the mess of your first marriage, secure a new, decent man who will be a father to your son, and to create a new, intact family. Many young, single mothers have told me that they felt so trapped in those early years with their options being living with their parents or in desperate circumstances. This reality may make it feel like the answer is standing right in front of you, but you need time. You need an education, you need career options, you need discernment, and that's discernment that only comes throughout your twenties.

Sorry if I dashed your dreams and totally failed to answer your original question.

I'm not going to judge you. I got out of an abusive engagement August 2013, starting dating FH September 2013 (known him since 6th grade and I was still in therapy), and then he proposed October 2014.

I'd definitely try to talk to him about, if it's important to you. If not, I'd walk alone. You won't be the first nor the last to do it.

Thanks for clarifying the "forcing" comment. I understand how "marry him or we'll kick you out" would totally back a 17-year-old into a corner.

Sorry about that situation, sorry about the abuse...just plain sorry. You've been through a lot. Can I suggest that you and your FH sign up for some pre-marital counseling? I'm 34 and doing it and it's helping a ton, so being as young as you are I think it will be very valuable. Pre-marital counseling doesn't mean you're broken. It means you're committed to learning how to be in a healthy relationship.

It is perfectly OK to walk down the aisle alone. As for the other issues, I won't comment because it's honestly none of my business and I think you've shared too much. Good luck!

I like the idea of having your son walk ahead of you down the aisle and then walking alone. Maybe continue to talk to your dad over then next year and maybe things will change in that amount of time. There could be multiple reasons why he doesn't want to do it and time heals wounds.

Wow, so you were essentially given an ultimatum, threatened with homelessness/destitution, unless you married the father of your baby? Kela, I am so very sorry.

I'm sure that both your mom and dad felt desperate and confused, but that does not condone their behavior and neither of them deserves to walk you down the aisle. Go alone or with another treasured family member with your head held high. I would also recommend extending your engagement. You have the time. Get to know your FH and your son as a family unit. I would recommend 3-4 years, personally. In the end, what's the rush?

There is also the option of walking down the aisle with your FH.

This sounds like a tough situation and I think other posters have shared some great ideas in suggesting walking by yourself, with your son, or with a trusted friend/family member. As far as your general life situation, I don't really think it's any of our place to judge you as we do not know you in real life. I sincerely hope everything works out and that you have a happy life from now on. Good luck!