My Aunt said she wouldnt come if we didnt invite her children and there are no children invited. HELP!!

Yowza!!! Quite the discussion since I commented yesterday. Ms. takewon (I can't scroll back to see ur correct user name - I apologize) - The forums are like sitting around the lunch table at Applebee's discussing a topic, don't allow comments, positive or negative, in reponse to your suggestions make you want to leave the table! C'mon on! Everyone is going to have a different opinion! Without differences the world would be boring! Variety is the spice of life! :o) That being said: this is also my second marriage, and while I may not have had kids, I've been around them - a lot! As I said in my previous post, Sheena Marie stated her request, now the ball in the aunts court - and yes - it is that simple!! Now, the compramise could be: the newlyweds host the next 4th of July/Labor Day picnic (for example) where the family members with (or w/out)kids could all be involved, with the focus being on the kids having a good time. Sometimes family can cause a new couple unnecessary grief and

And problems where should not be an issue. We all had strong issue with Sheena's predicament, however - at the end of the day - Sheena and her FH will have to sit down and make their own decision! So ladies - quite frankly I understood where all of you were coming from, some I agreed with more than others, but that's no reason to "get loud" or leave the "table"!!! (wink, wink) :o) After such a spirited "discussion" I suggest we order a round of tequelia shots for everyone!!!! BARTENDER - A ROUND FOR THE WEDDING WIRE LADIES!!!! )

Good luck Sheena M!!

You can tell by the number of posts for this topic that heated discussions are what we like!! I love hearing opposing opinions, it's so much more interesting!

Taekwondo, if you're still with us, I think what struck a cord with what you said (at least for me), is that I don't have kids yet so how could I understand, and that I have to try to understand. I've heard that lots before from a few friends (the ones that WON'T leave their kids' sides. I said WON'T, not CAN'T). And all I hear from them is: Oh you don't understand because you don't have kids. And maybe that's true...but it's totally obnoxious to say to someone (NOT calling YOU obnoxious). And I have way too many other friends with kids that are so opposite of this to know that it's not 'everyone with kids' that acts in this way.

Bottom line is, yeah, I get it, some people are glued to their kids. But for 5 hrs on Aug 29, that's not my problem. If they want to go to my wedding, it's their decision/issue to deal with!

Lauren - I can see how you might be upset by the "You don't understand because you don't have kids" comment. It used to bug me too... before I had kids. And when I was a new parent and people with several older kids tried to give me parenting advice because they had more experience, that ticked me off too.

Just remember this conversation 5-10 years from now if/when you have children of your own. Perhaps then you will look back on this and say, "OMG! She was so right!" And then you will fully forgive me for my comments. But for now, I will accept your forgiveness in advance. :-)

I'm not going to leave these forums entirely. This site is one of the few things that motivates me to work on *wedding* planning instead of just focusing on *honeymoon* planning. I'm just going to be careful about how I voice some of my "old, experienced, mom comments".

I think the main thing to remember here is that we are from all over the country, have different lives, and more importantly different opinions. taekwondomom I'm sorry if any of us made you feel bad but the "typed word" can come across differently than spoken word. Since I have been on this site it's been so refreshing that everyone takes into account other peoples thoughts. So taekwondomom if you got something to say then go for it! and if you think anyone overreacts to something you said than oh well you shouldn't feel bad because someone might have misinterpreted something. you brought up valid points for YOUR situation where everyone has kids and your close to them all I myself don't have kids and the ones in my family are little hellions so they won't be attending. but we need as many varying opinions on this site as we can get. A Variety of people and opinions can inspire great ideas. This was a good debate to follow though!!!

Invite her and keep it at that. Tell her you're sorry, you cannot tell her that it is alright to bring her kids to an adults-only wedding. If she doesn't want to come that's on her shoulders. The bride should not have to deal with that kind of stress.

Unfortunately your aunt misses out. This is your wedding and your entiled to have your invited guests come celebrate your most memorable date with you and the groom.

I hear this often, as a wedding planner and caterer. Don't give in to tantrums. Move on with your planning the details. Let her decide if she will attend or not. You will not be hurting your Aunts feelings. Move on. She will be indulging herself in her own feelings. When she got married she chose to do it her way. It's your turn.

Lrweddingplanner

Send her a lovely thank you note....tell her you are sorry she won't be attending.

I have to say I can see where taekwondo-mom? (sorry, I can't remember the exact name, either) was coming from, and through all her posts I feel that she was trying as hard as possible not to be offensive in any way. I think why she herself took offense is that despite her best efforts it seemed like others were taking her too personally, when she was aiming more for a philosophical discussion about children at weddings more than an argument about this specific issue. Of course this is Sheena's wedding, and if she doesn't want children there due to budget issues, or a wish for quiet and solitude, then that is perfectly acceptable and I don't think anybody at all has said otherwise. I would say that I think offering to pay or backing down and letting her bring children would be sending the wrong message to her aunt and other guests. I think offering to recommend a sitter is a very considerate gesture, one that her aunt should take as a gesture of goodwill, and from there she can decide.

As for the philosophical side of the discussion (to clarify, this is NOT specifically about Sheena's wedding, just about children at weddings in general), I personally feel like kids are one of the wonders of life and nothing will add quite as much unadulterated joy and glee to a wedding as kids having fun. I can see though why many brides do not want to do this, especially when it may cost them $40-$50 per person!! On this momentuous day in their life, they want to share it with people they already know and have a personal relationship with, which happen to be the adults. This doesn't mean the kids aren't important, it means their time has yet to come in the young couple's life. I can also understand and respect the parents perspective, because so much of THEIR life has been put into these children, and they feel they have made time for the bride & groom, it may also seem like the couple should be making time for their kids. All of this is valid, and nobody is really wrong,

There are just different viewpoints to consider when issues like this come up. What is right in the situation totally depends on how the young couple feels about all of these factors after they have taken them all into consideration, which is why I stand by the assertion that it really is up to the bride & groom when it comes down to it. Not because it is their day of fairytales (of course it should be this too , but simply because it is going to affect the bride and groom long after their wedding day.

Wowsa-is this her day or...yours.I'm having the same problem actually. Stick to your guns,girly. If you CAN'T INVITE ALL THE KIDS-ONLY INVITE THE ONES IN YOUR WEDING PARTY AND YOURS-g

Hi

I say stick to your guns and do not allow yourself to be bullied on your special day. Unless she's willing to help foot a bill or two for some of your expenses, then she shouldn't have much to say.

I think the idea of providing a babysitter is the perfect compromise! AT 12 and 11 I doubt they need much watching anyway! I also just wanted to say for anyone not inviting children be CLEAR on invites. I went to a friends wedding shower that was addressed to me and my family and I took my 2 year old with me...mainly bc I have never been to a shower without children and when I got there it was very upscale and she was the only kid! SHe left handprints all over and screamed while she was opening gifts! This wouldnt have bothered me bc I have a child and it wouldnt have rocked me at all....but she was clearly upset. SHe should have said no kids! PLEASE BE CLEAR it will help! ANyway definitely give her some names of sitters and if she doesnt come to bad for her!

I feel for you Sheena. We are only inviting my nephews and godchildren. All our friends and cousins each have 2-3 kids. That adds up to 50+ kids. Plus, it's an out-of-town wedding for the majority of our invited guests. We're expecting a high rate of regrets because of it. I don't have kids and don't know of any babysitters. Plus, I think there's a liability issue with referring people to babysitters. If something happens you could be sued. I did find a couple sitter websites that I added to our website with the caveat that we don't know them and cannot attest for them. Most of the guests have already asked if they can bring the kids. I've had to say, "sorry, but the room only holds so many people and there just isn't room for your delightful, sticky-fingered rugrat" or something We are inviting them to the farewell lunch the next day so we will hopefully get a chance to see their kids. They just can't go to the reception.

I just gotta congratulate you, Sheena Marie, on having the LONGEST running post I've ever seen on here! There should be a weddingwire award or something, hahaha. Just goes to show you that this is a heated topic that MOST of us have had to deal with.

I know i was expecting like 10 answers. LOL! But i do want to say Thank you again to all of those who watched this one and answered. This has been VERY Helpful for me!

Thanks Ladies!

Wow soo many comments on this one. Are you overwhelled yet?lol All I have to say is i agree with both sides of the comments posted here, It is hard when it comes to things like this pleasing everyone and yourself never feels like there is a happy medium. At our wedding what we are doing is allowing children til 8 pm and then we hired a sitter,we have children that would be one reason we are doing it this way, now that can be spendy so just offering a name of someone trustworthy is just as good!! I think whatever you want is what u should go with.There isnt many times in life that you can just focus and think about pleasing yourself and this is one time you should worry about what you want. Weddings can cause alot of family arquments( i have experienced some myself so far) But if you are friendly about it and in the end your aunt still is upset at least you can tell urself u tried in a polite way. Good Luck to you and Have a wonderful wedding,

We have the same issue. My Fh friend said they will not come without their kids so we said "Ok, we will be thinking of you." It is your day so I agree with all the posts and dont give in

EMMMMM HELLO!!!! Last time I checked this was YOUR wedding!!! It is all about YOU and YOUR SOON TO BE HUSBAND!!! It is not your responsibility to make your AUNT happy. She really needs to check herself. The nerve!! No disrespect but please note by her saying something like that she is disrespecting you and your husband. You can't consider her feelings when she isn't being considerate of yours! What is so special about her children that they need to be there? Sheena Marie that is just Aunt that will see your wedding via pictures only!!!

Handle this by telling her that NO CHILDREN are allowed PERIOD outside of the wedding party. There isn't any other explanation that needs to be offered to her nor does it need to be justified. It's your wedding and that is what YOU want. She will be alright.