My Aunt said she wouldnt come if we didnt invite her children and there are no children invited. HELP!!

I didn't say that anyone PAYS for hotel accommodations for out of town guests, but it is common to assist guests with finding an appropriate hotel. This often means reserving a block of rooms and notifying guests that they are available. This ensures that guests can find hotel rooms, stay in the same hotel as other family/friends, and sometimes even get a discount as a group. I was using this as a comparison... if it's reasonable to help guests with hotels, why is it so unreasonable to assist with childcare arrangements?

I do realize that the original poster did eventually decide to offer to find childcare for her Aunt, but if this issue had been addressed from the start, this whole disagreement might have been avoided.

Also, I don't just see this as one person's specific problem. It's an issue I've seen come up over & over on these boards and others. I think that when brides consider whether to have kids at their wedding or not, they need to see their guests' point of view too.

And I don't think anybody overreacted. We still love ya! haha. A lively debate is based on differing opinions so feel free to offer them. We won't ever get nasty or anything. You should cehck out the message boards on theknot.com if you wanna see over reactions!

And every time I've seen it come up on these boards the response that it's ok to provide the childcare option is given. I just don't think it's reasonable to expect the bride and groom to PAY for that service, only offer the option just like with the hotel rooms. As we, and the bride here, said though offering the childcare in this case probably won't solve this issue because that's not what the aunt's problem here is. And it is about only this one guest because the other guests are grown up and mature enough to take care of their lives on their own without expecting anyone who extends them an invitation to take care of everything for them, she is the only one trying to be forceful on the issue which is unreasonable. We are all so happy for you that you have kids and sympathize with the troubles it causes, but if an event is for "adults only" then you have to deal with that

See when this issue annoyes me most is not when parents are talking about the difficulty of finding childcare, it's when the parents are so insulted that we all don't want to spend the evening with their screaming kids running around our feet sticking their hands in the cake. I know not all kids are like that (and most certainly not yours) but MANY are and many parents do not take care of them at weddings because they want to have fun themselves. The people funding the event and the people enjoying the event have every right to have a child free night if they choose and the parents should respect that. We all try to take into consideration so much when assisting our guests whether it's hotel rooms, directions, food choices, childcare, etc. but there still has to be a line because we can't do it all. SO this isn't about not being considerate of your guest's needs, it's a simple reality check that we can not AFFORD to pay for childcare for every single guest's kids

Oh, I know we all can be a bit sensitive, especially while going through all the stress of planning a wedding.

Try to view my comments more as general thoughts about kids at weddings, rather than as a specific response to the original post. It's not the situation in question that bothers me, so much as the attitude that a lot of people have about kids at weddings. One's attitude about kids tends to change after having children of one's own. Since many first-time brides are young and do not have children yet, I don't think they always consider or completely understand the position of their guests with kids. It's not always easy to just "get a sitter". When my kids were little, we were living in a new area with absolutely no family around. We just didn't do things if we couldn't take the kids. It was wonderful to be able to go to a wedding where childcare was provided!

Oh I disagree, I have seen many brides discuss this on here who have children themselves but still agree that if something is an adults only affair taht should be respected. So I don't think it's only swinging free young single brides that feel this way. I am childcare provider myself, so in a different way I FULLY understand what finding good childcare entails. I agree that it's very nice to offer this to people, especially when you have out of town guests, and I am doing that. We just can't all afford to pay for it if there will be A LOT of kids involved. Also, I am having a very formal evening at an historic mansion. There is no side romper room to set the kids up with a clown. I simply do not want that at my wedding (I spend enough times with kids!) and I have that choice. I will not be hurt if someone does not come because of that. I don't understand why parents think they are the only ones with trouble getting to events worth addressing. We all have things in life to deal with

Ok WOW. First off i want you to know that i have 5 younger siblings and was raised in a day care that my mother ran out of our home since i was 10 months old. So although i am not a parent, i have been around children for 22 years. I decided to not do children not only because of the $50 a plate it would be for them to pick at, but because its a romantic time that i want to share with my FH. I absolutely love Children and want some of my own in future... but at the same time i don't want people to have to worry about what music is playing or what is being said in conversations because there are little ears around. I want everyone to be able to have a good time and feel free to be themselves.

Example.. my mom just got married in august and she had an adults only reception. I was allowed to g o and i saw a different side to everyone that i had never seen before. My mom and her friends had so much fun. everyone was drinking and laughing and just having a blast with out having to...

Worry about their children running around. I don't thing it is so wrong for me to want that at my wedding. I am not having my princess day or anything. we are having it at a beautiful restaurant with a great meal. I have been told by my brides maids that i am the most laid back bride they have seen. I don't care if their tattoos show or if their nails and hair match. If they want that to show then cool.

I don't want people to remember my wedding day as "oh little tommy got into the cake" or "did you see Jill, she was such a mess and she wouldn't stop crying"

This is a day that is very special as we all know. I want it to be something that people remember, including me, as a beautiful day with a bunch of love in the air!

Thanks Laura!! I agree with you! i appreciate the support!

The overall theme here is that weddings come in all shapes, sizes, and styles. And we each have a vision of what our perfect day looks like. For some of us that involves children and some none, for some of us it involves alcohol and some none, for some it involves camouflage wedding dresses! The point is that we all have a right to have it the way we want it without judgement from others. I really think the kid issue is about ego more than anything, How could someone not want your precious perfect little darling to share in their day? sorry but that's not everyone's idea of a fun night. If it is for you that's great! But to be condescending by suggesting that young brides just can't see how hard it is for parents is dismissive and rude. It's not about any of that, it's about when you are a guest at a wedding you should respect the wishes of your hosts. You would be upset if people told you you CAN'T have kids at your wedding. So don't tell others who should be at theirs.

Well said. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Offer to help her find some child care and maybe even consider footing the bill. It would be worth the cost to not have them there and you don't have to worry about making the other cousins mad. We had the same issue. Some people actually just brought their kids even though the invites explicitly said no children. I tell ya....

Offer to help her find some child care and maybe even consider footing the bill. It would be worth the cost to not have them there and you don't have to worry about making the other cousins mad. We had the same issue. Some people actually just brought their kids even though the invites explicitly said no children. I tell ya....

Sorry I ever said anything. It's been totally blown out of proportion and people have interpreted my comments in ways that I never meant.

FWIW, I never took my kids to an event where they were not invited, never pressured anyone to let me bring them, nor would I ever consider doing so. If they weren't invited and I couldn't find a sitter, I didn't go.

It's okay to choose to not have kids at your wedding, and it's right to expect people to respect your wishes.

I don't think it's worth causing a family rift over something like this, and would have tried to avoid the situation entirely from the beginning.

It seems that I don't fit in with the other people on these forums. I'll find another site if I need any advice on wedding planning.

Awww! wow I really am sorry if we made you feel THAT bad! seriously, I thought this was a good discussion with opposing opinions going back and forth but no one was trying to be disrespectful. You can always voice an opinion, I can't promise it will be a popular one, but that doesn't mean you are not welcome on here! I think this site would be boring if we all agreed all the time and just YES-ed each other to death! I can only speak for myself, but it's like like I am all mad at you and thought you were out of line, I was just explaining why I didn't agree with you, that's all. Hey if you do decide to find another site, seriously stay away from the knot, those girls are CRAZY!!! BUt I think you should stay right here.

Sorry..typo.. I meant "It's NOT like I am mad"......

Truthfully it isn't difficult for parents to have a night free for an Adult Only Wedding. Only one wedding I went to that was Adult Only, well the baby had to come with me since he was still in my stomach (not physically there) and couldn't ruin things for the Bride or Groom. I've even been to a Bridal Shower that was Adults only and my mom requested I bring the baby so she could see him again, my sister could see him again and any of my dad's family who hadn't met him yet could, but we did that after the Shower. I didn't want to steal any attention with having a baby around a Bridal Shower and was prepared to leave him home with my husband and his Grandparents. My Uncle said why don't you leave him with me and we can all enjoy a little down time with him after that at his house. Not a problem. Nothing ruined by having a baby there with me, but he was just in the right hands where I could enjoy time away from him for a short period of time. That's why I mentioned if their grandparents

Live near, they're a great way to give the kids time with their grandparents and a weekend away. Does she or the kids have any friends near where they live whom won't be away during the week of your wedding your Aunt can leave them at home with, and she can just come in herself. They're old enough they don't need a babysitter, but will still be under Adult Supervision and she only has to pay for herself out there. My parents used to leave my sister and I from time to time when we were younger with a stay over babysitter whom we loved having around and spent the weekend or week with us while our parents were away. That could be another option for her. Truthfully she should respect your wishes that you don't want her kids there and you shouldn't have to make an exception for 28 other kids. IF you were paying less than $50 per plate for something more casual and there were fewer kids and you wanted a family affair that's different. There is nothing wrong with wanting Adults Only.

WOW im sorry Miss taekwondomom I didn't mean to offend you in ANY way shape or form. I just felt that you didn't understand exactly what i was asking. I understand that some people cant come with out their children and all but it was a decision i made... and i have to admit it wasnt easy.

I appreciate your feed back and would feel horrible if my discussion lead you to leave weddingwire. I have found this website extremely helpful and enjoy being apart of the community here.

If you do choose to leave i would had to second Laura's comment about the Knot.

Sorry again.

Really taekwondomom, we'd hate to lose you. You've given really great advice on many posts on here and we'd be happy to return the favor if you have any questions that come up. A difference of opinion on one subject does not mean that you don't fit in. Let us give ya a big cyber hug and be done with it!

Holy Mackeral!!!!!Listen I was also a much older 2nd time bride. My husband & I always LOVED to go out dancing at clubs, that is the atmosphere that we wanted for our reception. We no way no how believe a club/dance type atmosphere is something where little kids belong at....so we had an adult only reception. My husbands brother went nuts & said if his kids are not invited don't bother sending him & his wife an invitation. So we didn't. I will also add that from the day we got engaged we voiced our reception plans to EVERYONE, we were engaged almost 2 years which in my humble opinion gives people ample time to wrangle up a babysitter. We simply don't think little kids should be around a bunch of adults drinking, dancing & carrying on (in a fun way of course not to mention not in a million years would I take a chance of having someone drive home after drinking with their little kids in the car! I honestly don't know what some people are thinking. Have a picnic if u want kids there