My Aunt said she wouldnt come if we didnt invite her children and there are no children invited. HELP!!

Stick with it mate,

as everyone else has said it is YOUR day..

what she is doing is immature and selfish, something you dont need on your day... i know we are going to have the same problem with our day, i have a huge family with lots of little kids and i know someone will turn around and do this, its hard because they are family but if you dont want them there then thats it. The suggestion about newborns is a bit different, there tiny dont run around and most of them sleep alot.. but then again it is up to the bride and groom, good luck mate, i stay stick with it and enjoy your beautiful day [=

Hello everyone who responded to this. Thank you so much for all your input! it really helped! I have decided to tell my aunt that i will cover a sitter for her 2 kids that way she can still attend. She would be coming from out of town so she wouldn't be able to leave them at home while she is gone for that long. So i thought i could compromise and offer a sitter so she doesn't have to leave them at home in Washington but i could also have no children at the wedding. If any one thinks this is a bad idea please feel free to let me know. I am open to all advice.. good or bad. Thanks again for taking time to read my post and answer

I don't think it's a BAD idea, especially if it's what you want to do. I am doing the same thing for an aunt who is coming from colorado and wants to bring her children for a weekend in Philly but of course wouldn't bring them to the wedding. But I am not PAYING for it, I am only providing a person for her that I know is responsible and trust worthy since she lives so far away and wouldn't know who to leave the kids with. But have you offered her this option yet? Maybe I'm wrong but it seemed to me that it wasn't so much an issue of no one to watch the kids but more an issue of she thinks her kids DESERVE to be invited and you'd be insulting them and her if you didn't want them there that day. If that's the case, offering a sitter might not help. It sounds like a great suggestion to try, just be prepared if she still gives you a hard time

I didn't think about it that way. No i haven't offered yet, it was just something that i thought about doing. I would like for her to be there but its not going to kill me if shes not. I know that sounds mean but she just came back into my life about a year ago. The only reason i was considering doing that was because she made me feel like a bad person for not wanting my own cousins there.

I do see your point about her thinking the DESERVER to be there. Something my FH said was that if we offer to pay for her sitter then we would have to for everyone, so i like your idea of just offering someone we know is trust worthy.

Or i can just leave it and see if its that important for her to be there.

Thanks for the response!!

I don't think you're mean for saying it's ok if she doesn't come. I do think it's mean of her to try and force you to invite her kids and THREATEN you with her attendance like that. Your husband is right, you can't pay for her and not others just like you can't invite only her kids and not others. Offering to set up a sitting service if she is interested in paying for one is a very nice gesture. How far are you supposed to bend over backwards just for one guest to be at your wedding? She is being very self-centered and I would ignore a gronw woman acting like that. We all have to make cuts because of budgets or other reasons, she should understand that and not try to add more pressure to you right now. You'll be much happier just letting it go and realizing you can't please everyone. I am always trying to make everything perfect for everyone and it's jsut so silly!

You are absolutely right!! Thanks a million.

Don't let her control the situation. You have plenty of other things to worry about than whether or not a difficult person, albeit an aunt, comes to your wedding. If her presence were really that important, there would have been no need for doubt.

It's your day. She will get over it. Good luck.

I have to say the idea of just suggestion someone to watch them while she's at the Wedding. Does she have anyone at home that she can have watch them too, like a close friend or neighbor. She might save a lot of money not having to travel out of town for your Wedding with them (that's 2 or 3 less plane tickets unless she plans to drive with them) and not having to pay for a sitter when the kids aren't invited. Or do their other grandparents live near them that she could leave them with the grandparents?

Whose wedding is it? Yours girlfriend! A similar situation happened to my sister as I was coordinating her wedding some years ago. My sister had an adults only wedding. My aunt rsvp'd for my sisters wedding and when the rsvp came back she'd added all of her kids to the invitation! My father informed her that my sister didn't want kids at the wedding(not that she didn't like children-- it was expensive-- $50.00/person and it was an evening wedding) My aunt was furious and said she wasn't coming. Well after a big tug of war my poor grandmother stepped in and explained the situation to my aunt and she decided that she would come. She never showed up. She claimed that she had to go to work at the last minute. We didn't believe her. The bad thing is that she is my sister's godmother. She also never sent a gift. My Mom didn't speak to her for 8 years. What a mess. Trust me when I tell you I don't want this to happen to you but stick to your guns. If she doesn't want to come then so be it.

Your aunt will do one of two things:

1. Realize she's being unreasonable and attend per your wishes OR

2. Not attend

Either way, make your wishes clear, stick to it and proceed with YOUR day, you have enough issues to deal with planning this wedding. Sounds to me like case closed, don't you think??!! :o) Next!!! :o)

I guess I have a different perspective on this, being an older bride with children of my own. Nearly all of my friends have kids, and many of those kids I've known since they were born. My friends' kids know me and they know my kids. I can't imagine NOT inviting them to my wedding!

Also, maybe it's because I'm an older bride and this is my 2nd wedding, but I don't have that "It's MY day!" attitude that I see here. For me, this is a day of celebration with my friends and family. These people helped me though a very difficult divorce, they encouraged me to get out and date again, and they have been part of our "love story." This day is as much about them as it is about me! I don't want to be a princess for a day; I want a big party with my friends and family!

While I understand that some brides do not want kids at their weddings, I think that they should try to see things from the perspective of guests who do have kids and may not easily be able to attend without them.

This girl would have to invite all 28 kids to her wedding if she gave in to this. I think it's reasonable to say that is a whole lot to ask considering budget. Also, in general it is completely wrong for ANY guest to put demands on a bride in order for them to attend. this is not a debate on whether or not children should be at weddings, I think everyone has a choice of making their wedding a family event with kids or an adult evening affair without kids. The point is that whatever her choice is, her Aunt has no right to try and bully her into changing it. And EVERYONE has things to arrange to attend events, like work schedules, pets, children, travel expenses, etc. It is not required that the host takes care of all these issues for their guests. No one is faulting parent's who say they are unable to find a sitter and therefore can't make it to a wedding. BUt it is unfair of a parent to force their kids on an adult affair and expect the bride and groom to incur extra costs for that

UMMMM 28 cousins under 15!!!! That's a lot of little ones to be running around. I'm also having an adults only thing but there's only like 4 kids under 15 in my family (they all have ADD and I don't want to deal with that) anyway the youngest person there will be my 17 year old cousin. If you don't want to get a sitter for them just tell your aunt what you envisioned for your day and maybe point out this would be a great opertunity to get away from the kids and have a night among "grown-ups" for a change. If she still says "not w/o my kids" don't feel bad and honestly I think it's a little selfish of her to say her kids HAVE to be there...what's more important to her?...not getting a sitter and having her kids by her side every second of the day? OR to see her neice get married?

Kids are kids. They should not being doing everything adults do. There are such things as non "family" events for adults only, and being labeled as a princess for wanting to throw such an event is terribly judgemental.

People that want a family wedding event...that's great! Having been a guest at weddings like that...I know it's not for me. It's all about preference...niether way is right or wrong, and no one should be asked to understand the other's point of view, they just have to respect it.

I knew some people would overreact to my message. *sigh*

I'm not saying that she should be forced to invite all 28 kids, or to make an exception for her aunt, or to give in to demands. What I meant is that, if there are so many kids in the family, many guests may have difficulty coming without their kids, especially if they are traveling from out of town. Offering to help with childcare doesn't seem unreasonable. Many people with out of town guests offer help with hotel accommodations, reserving a block of rooms, etc. So why not offer to help with childcare arrangements too? I've been to many weddings where there has been childcare available during the ceremony, and sometimes during the reception.

It does sound like the Aunt is being a bit rude, but that doesn't mean you can't try to see the issue from her point of view and work out a reasonable solution. So many responses have essentially said, "Screw your aunt and do what YOU want!" To me, this seems just as rude as the aunt!

I don't think u actually read the discussions here. She IS offering childcare to her Aunt. But she CAN'T AFFORD to pay for so many children. Weddings are expensive even without all that. And yes, attending a wedding can be expensive too and that is the choice guests have to make for themselves. They are adults who can take care of themselves. And I have no idea who can afford to pay for guests' hotel accomodations and other such considerations. In a perfect world of course we would be happy to invite everyone we know, their extended families, we could pay for their travel and childcare and we could even cover any money they lose by taking days off from work, but that is not reality. It's not about "screw your aunt" it's about this girl having to worry about one guest that is making unreasonable demands. If the aunt doesn't care enough to be there they why should the bride care enough to MAKE her be there? Would u expect her to ivite your kids to her bachelorette? Some events R 4 adults

Hi taekwondo, it's not you, i over-react to everything.

Agreed with Laura too on that if the aunt was approaching her with "I really want to be at your wedding but I'm concerned about child care" that's a whole different story. Her kids are 11 and 12, so I doubt child care is really the concern, and that it's more principle. There isn't much of a point of view to see...she's being stubborn and vindictive by threatening to withdraw herself from the wedding if her precious children can't attend. There is way more going on here than child care issues, and in my opinion it's best not to indulge people like that by getting sucked into their drama.

Also, when I said that I didn't feel the need to be "princess for a day" I did not mean to be "judgmental" about anyone who does want that kind of formal wedding. I was only talking about myself, personally, not wanting a big, formal, fancy wedding. I don't care about being the center of attention. I don't want a big frilly gown. That's just me. There's nothing wrong with all that - I had the white gown, church wedding thing the first time around, though not a formal sit-down dinner and dancing. It's just not MY style.

I'm getting married in a log cabin style "lodge" in a beautiful park next to a lake. I'm sure there are some here who would never dream of doing that, but we all have our own taste. I look forward to having all of my family and friends around me, and that includes all the kids running around in the grass during the reception. I plan to hire a couple of high school girls to supervise and entertain them. At this point in my life, this is my "perfect" wedding!

And it really is so great that you are getting your perfect wedding that will be exactly the way you and your husband want it to make you guys happy! Our point is that she has very right to the exact same thing. And no one, not even her aunt, gets to dictate to her what type of wedding she should have. The whole kids running around family style wedding just isn't for everyone and that should be respected. And the other poster is correct. This was not about a parent who was having trouble finding childcare, this was about her demanding that pre-teen kids deserve a place at a wedding. I have provided trustworthy childcare recommendations to my guests the same way I provided hotel options and that's what this girl is doing as well. Anymore than that is totally unreasonable.