Monster In Laws

@FutureMrsG, you're kidding, right?

He's belittling her opinion of her wedding dress, and allowing his family to disrespect her. He does not defend her to his family. It sounds like he is putting his mother before his wife, this in a way basically saying it's ok for his family to treat OP like shit. How is that not serious and that she needs to "relax".

Cultural differences are hard. Not every culture is the same. As for growing a backbone, again goes back to cultural differences. Some could view her standing up to his mother as an insult to the family. This creating more issues.

ETA: words

@Vanessa M. I completely agree with you! I forgot to add to my post that if her FH is not supporting her, then he may not be worthy of marrying. But the other drama is for high schoolers.

I shouldn't have used any violent words but I was enraged that they took it that far!!! I don't care about his niece and what she does, it just bothered me a bit. Like she should at least respect the fact I'm her uncles wife idk. My hubby has a huge age gap between his sister.

Usually in Islam, you hold your mom on a really high pedestal, but when you get married it's the wife's turn! His mom should respect me or at least treat me well! But she finds any way to make me feel bad or any way to try and show me how much she hates me. I tell him and he gets hurt that I'd ever think that!!! But it's right before his eyes!! So idk why he's getting butt hurt!

I know before his parents or family came, that he told me he'd put me first, but I should understand if he has to put his mom first sometimes (which I understood because it is his mom, I'd do the same for mine but I was Totally not expecting all of this) and even about the dress he told me it was my decision but the moment they arrived it was all drama and he just won't take my side!!! My mom and family know because he was breaking my heart and I needed to tell someone. They are all giving me the option of leaving him and finding better (but it hurts so much to even think that). Or staying and doing everything his mom wants. Any sane person would run! But when your heart is involved it's so different!

Would it work if I talked to him and tried to see if he'd change? Or no?? I'm betting on no, but is there hope?

My mom told me that the only way this marriage will work is if we set a huge boundary but I highly doubt that will happen. They're already fixated on finding him someone better. I know when we first got together, everyone from his side of the family tried to split us apart because they had another women they wanted him to marry (he wouldn't tell me who) but he stayed with me and pushed them all away. I don't know why now he changed. I don't even feel like a newlywed or a bride!!

Also it's in my culture not to live with my hubby till after the reception. I would annul the marriage

"finding him someone better"? "giving you the option to leave"? "Staying and doing everything she wants"???

What types of ideas are these? You are both free, consenting adults who have pledged to devote the rest of your lives together. The way you speak you sound like you're either children or slaves to other people's opinions?

I think you guys need to seek professional help.

I really don't like to pass judgment on others relationships, but this sounds so bad in so many ways. Personally, I'd get that annulment because I know from my first marriage (that ended in divorce after 4 years and a child), love and the heart mean very little without respect and trust and communication and teamwork. Especially for a life long relationship. Especially with family interference. Good luck OP, I'm sorry you are going through this.

@FMG did you miss the part where his mother tried to split them up or where his mother said that she would make OP scrub the floors?

I'm the first one to tell someone to suck it up and get over it. Not this time. Being demeaned and belittled by someone isn't something that a person should get over. OP has every right to feel the way she feels.

What I'm so confused about is your last post discusses how to stop your period because you're supposed to get it the day of the wedding and you both are waiting until marriage to have sex.

BUT, you are already married! Why not just have sex now? I know it's not what your post is about but what the hell?

ETA: this whole thing just seems so jacked up. How long were you together before he proposed? I know you said you've planned the wedding in 3 months. There are so many warning signs.

It doesn't matter what is going on. Ur FH needs to tell them straight. How do they suppose to choose the dress for u? Fukin pricks.

If i were u i would avoid them. It's obvious they aren't on ur team. Speak to ur FH. Tell him exactly how u feel. It needs to be made aware of.

Good luck

I thought in your religion you cant just "get divorced" unless there is abuse.

FMG- She is already married.

Oh, honey, you don't have an in law problem, you have a husband problem.

You have your family's support--run, run like the wind.

Rooting for you! Please let us know how you are doing.

eta: husband as they are already married.

@OliviaP I was wondering the same thing..

ETA: went back, didn't see her age posted.

@OG Kathryn: Not necessarily. One form of religious (and at least in India, legal) divorce, consists of saying "talaq" (I divorce you) three times.

http://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-asia-india-38528507/india-divorce-how-triple-talaq-destroys-lives (FWIW, this is also used as a workaround in some areas for young unmarried couples to rent hotel rooms together.)

Confused now. So OP is married? I must've missed a comment somewhere!

OK Danielle, I wouldt really know just going off what my co-worker told me who is Muslim.

And that's not how it works in America. She was married here and its legal.

@QueSeraSera, one of her comments stated they had a private ceremony recently before the big ceremony/reception.

@OG Kathryn: no worries FWIW, the vast majority of Muslims who get divorced opt for secular proceedings (not that said laws aren't necessarily influenced by the predominant religion/culture, or that it's considered socially acceptable).

Please use punctuation... it's your best friend. This is hard to read

@Nadinoreo Excuse me if this is coming off as bold, but your story has so many parallels to my own mother, it breaks my heart.

My mother had an arranged marriage when she was 20. Though there were warning signs beforehand (families weren't exactly gelling), shit really hit the fan once the wedding actually happened. My mother always tells me the argument where she knew things were going to badly...and it started over her dress, with the groom's family choosing her a new dress and humiliating her in the process. My father began the verbal abuse shortly thereafter...when she confessed this to her family, they too gave her the option of coming home and finding a new match, but there was always the "humiliation" factor of divorce in their culture, and she stayed. Soon after, they moved far from her family, which is when my father had the full reign to treat her as horribly as he could. He's broken bones, beaten both her and eventually us kids, and she lived the next 30 years full of regrets.

I normally wouldn't share anything like that on an internet forum, but it really hit me. My gut says this will not end well for you. There's culture and there's people who manipulate culture. You have every right to not be mentally tortured and it does not make you any less respectful of your culture.

So please seek out the help of your family and loved ones, as well as professionals who are familiar with this type of domestic abuse.

ETA: I'd look into annulment. That way it's not technically a divorce. Based on your other post about delaying your period, the marriage has yet to be consummated, which as archaic as that is, helps the case for annulment in some states.

^^Million times what @FilleNouvelle wrote.

OP, I hope you are considering what many PPs and your family have said. There are red flags everywhere, and while I understand that your heart is telling you one thing, love is not enough to sustain a relationship. You need to be treated with respect, love, kindness, and you need to be defended by this bullying and abuse. Your husband is clearly not supporting you or standing up for you, and is now starting to take part in his family's taunts. Leave him. Now. You deserve so much better.

Please update us with how you're doing.