Monster In Laws

Honestly.. you do what makes you happy.. just like what your husband told you.. clearly this family is trying to push you to the limit and break off your wedding which is on Saturday.. remain focused! It's your wedding! Your day! Your marriage.. not theirs.. and if your FH loves you and supports you then other people's opinions don't matter at all.. especially if they're trying to put you down!!.. my advice is remain calm.. some people choose to hurt others over silly things like jealousy or pure hatred over nothing.. be the girl you're, don't change and become mean just because your in laws are pushing you over the edge.. that's what they want, you to give up and them to win.. don't let that happen... wear your dress!! Be happy!! Do you! It's not about them it's about you! Your wedding is super super close! Look on the bright side and be happy.. block all that negativity from them.. at the end of the day you'll be with the man you love and that loves you FOR ETERNITY .. not their stupid asses... so be happy girl, they're just jealous!

THANK YOU COLLEEN. Needed that <3 seriously.

Thank you everyone!!!

I will try my best not to lose it!

You're welcome girl!! Remember stress less and be happy!

He needs to tell them to kick rocks. Trying to split us up would mean being cut off. I hate ultimatums but this is a time when I'd give one.

Get your mom in line or there won't be a wedding in 4 days. No matter how much I love someone, I would never tolerate their family being that disrespectful. EVER.

Wow! I'm trying to catch my breath. First, I suggest a sit down with hubby. During your chat, see if he is amenable to counseling with someone familiar with your culture and traditions. For your sake, I hope he is. It's nice that he says such supportive things when you're upset, but it obviously is not enough. He needs to put down some heavy boundaries with his family and consequences if they are not respected. As for you, I get it is outside your comfort zone, but you need to grow a set and stop allowing anyone to treat this way, in-laws included. It is not okay for them to speak to you in this manner. Sometimes, we need to show others how to treat us and for the exceptionally rude, just tell them! I suggest giving them two options, be polite and respectful or cease all contact with them.

Finally, I don't care what the circumstances, they cannot stay with you. Things are too tense for you to share such close quarters right now. Hubby needs to make other arrangements no matter the cost or inconvenience. If he doesn't put his foot down and demand respect for his wife, that is something you need to think about. Love alone does not sustain a happy, loving marriage. Respect, loyalty, friendship and compassion will carry you through.

As I said before - counseling.

He shouldn't be letting them treat you like this. Do not move in with his parents. Why aren't you two getting a place of your own?

Personally I'd run for the hills or be prepared to deal with this the rest of your life.

@MrsMck It's our apartment, they are his parents who, first time in America, are visiting for the wedding and want to stay with their son since they haven't seen him in a long time.

I want to grow a set, we literally just got into a huge fight because he thinks I don't respect them!!! He says they are Going out of their way for me, how can I not be nice and grateful! I was nice. I just told them no, I won't allow it. Now it's between me leaving or me staying. I don't want to stay if he's always going to throw me under the bus. He completely changed now that his family is here...

Is this his true self or his stressed af self?

Frankly, I can't figure it out.

I'm madly in love with him but I would never let my family treat him like this.... it looks as if he's blinded by it Idk why he changed the moment they stepped foot into the apartment!!!

He keeps changing his mind about the dress too (back and forth from pretty to ugly) and now he told me my dress is absolutely hideous and he loves the dress his niece was wearing. I feel it looks like a nice tablecloth... it's not what I want!! Earlier on the phone He told me I could do whatever I want and now he wants me to change my mind because he said the dress is hideous an hour ago.

There's so many complications coming up before the wedding.

•I need to make my decision asap

PRAY FOR US/ME PLEASE

Something just clicked and @Heather got me thinking. OP you said in another post (if I'm not mistaken) that you're Muslim. Is he as well?

ETA: I ask because if they're not Muslim, they may be treating you like this for deeper reasons that just not liking YOU. It's not okay to be disrespected either way but you definitely can't change bigotry.

I know there is a cultural barrier here from my thought process and your, but none of this is okay. You need to start knocking some head in (metaphorically) INCLUDING your FHs. It's unnaceptable that he allows his family to treat you like this. You don't need to scream and shout just say "no" to ever single person who is Try ing to dictate your life to an extent you are not okay with.

Your FH needs to stick up for you, or you need to have a serious, painful conversation with him. That's bullshit.

Get out of there. I'm so sorry to say this, but who a man is around his immediate family says a lot about him. If he is not sticking up for you AND is even arguing with you saying you don't respect their highly disrespectful actions, then I don't see things getting better.

Gotcha. So, it's time for a firm talk with your FH- although I understand they want to be close with their son, they should NOT be moving into your apartment with you. It's inappropriate for them to be taking over your space, especially being newlyweds. And your FH needs to be on your side, it's concerning that he has completely changed now that they're here. I think you have a lot of thinking to do.

Good luck with everything.

Your husband just jumped on the bandwagon to bash your dress and decisions... 4 days before your ceremony??? Fucking excuse him??? If he's there and acting like this as soon as his family showed up you have some serious problems. I would tell him you'll talk to him when he can act like he has some damn sense and go stay with someone else. Your mom, your best friend, anyone.

@Olivia, he definitely isn't treat OP, his WIFE, like royalty. I don't know if you can attribute this situation to religious and cultural difference. It could be good old fashion family disfunction.

Ok I THINK I understand what's going on but have a few questions. 1. I don't see a problem with someone else trying on a wedding dress but I do see a problem with why you think you need to wear a dress you didn't buy. I believe you said you told them you're keeping your dress. Are you under the impression they're going to force you to wear something they bought against your desire? Is that assumption based on anything valid? I don't see how adults can be forced to wear something by another adult. Ditto to them asking you to scrub floors. I mean, people should clean floors because of hygiene but an adult forcing another adult to scrub floors is weird. If this is a legitimate concern, this is a massive red flag. I come from a culture where some abuse is swept under the rug and this is the kind of stuff the families pull before it gets worse/physical. The fact that your husband thinks this is OK is the biggest red flag of them all. To be fair, I don't think the niece posting a cake pic or trying on a wedding dress would bother me so I'm not seeing why this is an issue. I'm about to turn 31 but I don't remember being bothered by things like this when I was younger either so I can't sympathize here. My concern is if you think or have valid reason to worry they can force you to do or wear something. 2. I'm confused as to why your husband is cool about this. As mentioned above, this is the biggest red flag that would make me leave. Why would he put you in a situation of living with these people even if it's for 2 months? You have your entire lives ahead of you so I would expect they will continue to come back for these long visits. How is he cool with this even remotely?! Does he ever stand up to his family? This seems pretty spineless and I wouldn't continue with a relationship if this is how it is before you even live together. 3. How long have you guys been together and how old are you all? I usually don't care what age is when someone gets married but based on what we're told so far, there are some very concerning red flags here. Him having a niece your age, his niece's need to "one up" and your reactions to it, why you guys aren't living together already if you're married, why you think it's ok for him to not stand up for you, and why his families treatment is only coming up now are just a few red flags.

I would absolutely run from this relationship. There's a lack of maturity all around here but more importantly, there's a risk this thing could turn physically abusive. I come from an abusive home and volunteer at a south asian domestic violence center. This type of control, if valid, only gets worse. The husband is someone I would keep an eye on because if he isn't defending you now, he's not going to long term. If he's hearing this stuff from his family about you and thinks it's ok, he's not going to have trouble thinking you should be doing the things they ask. He may not be violent now but he's displaying SO many signs a lot of the victims in the DV group talk about.

I flagged this twice for the "set someone on fire" comment. That's disgusting and uncalled for. People actually do get set on fire for domestic arguments so you shouldn't threaten it or even joke about it.

Just saw your update. Yep, run. Literally every sign this will turn physically and more mentally abusive. You don't treat someone you love like this. Seriously speaking from so much experience here (my dad with multiple wives, my dad abusing me for 18 years, an ex, multiple friends and family, and the DV shelter).

This is a huge red flag. I feel like his true colors are showing now that his family is here. But you're already married, right? I would suggest counseling, he should support you not call your dress hideous 4 days before your reception.

I agree with @mrswrs here @lillybean. Yes, absolutely poor choice of words by the op but there's legitimate concerns for her safety here and we need her (or anyone in a similar situation who is reading this) to see the advice.

Mrswrs, I think she needs help from PROFESSIONALS and not a bunch of internet strangers. And if bringing awareness to how dramatic and inappropriate her comments are is chastising, then I'll gladly continue doing it.