Missing Best Friends Wedding - Advice

I would not change my flight, but I also would not attend the RD. Only brings notice that you won't be there at the wedding. Just politely decline.

I mean, I definitely would not have planned an international trip to leave the day after I was supposed to be in a wedding, but, I would not want to pay the extra $800 either. You should probably just decline everything at this point.

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Yeah I would NEVER plan a trip like that after any wedding, especially one i was in.

I would step down as a bridesmaidmand not go to any events. That makes it worse. Whatever you decide, let he know ASAP. Don't leave the bride hanging and caught off guard.

I would Explain things go her and that you had your ticket already and politely decline. But I wouldn’t attend rehersal dinner or try seeing her the morning of. I think she should understand since you were willing to be in the wedding the original date

Did you book your Thailand tickets before she announced her date? At this point, I would step down. You cannot be present and I personally wouldn't spend all that money to switch tickets.

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I booked them after she announced the original date (11/16) and paid for the original venue. I normally would never book a trip the day after a wedding but it is the only week I get off of work (for thanksgiving) so we are trying to take full advantage of the time off.

I would explain the situation to her and ask her what she wants you to do. If she wants you to go to the rehersal and what not then be there to support her. If she understands the inconvenience then plan to step down and not attend

I see both sides and for me it would depend on our relationship as to if I would pay the $400 or not. Only you can decide what is best for you. If you decide not to move the flight you need to discuss this with her ASAP so she can make the necessary arrangements for your absence.

How important is your friendship?

Just meaning if I had the $800 and she was my best friend I would suck it up. Also if I was the bride I’d proabbly offer to split it with you since I changed ther date.

Agreed with asking the bride what she wants after explaining you can't move the trip. Of I were the bride I would want you to attend what you could to know I have your support even if you can't be there on the big day but everyone feels differently and is entitled to.

View Quoted Comment Agreed if it was impossible to change the flights or finances weren’t possible I’d absolutly want you there for rehearsal and morning of!

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I don't really see why this is such a wrong thing to do... several years ago I did this for a trip to Europe a day after my friends wedding that I was a bridesmaid in. FH and my vacation plans lined up for that week so we did it. I would imagine what OP is posting about is a rare occurrence and unfortunately for her it didn't work out.

OP - I don't think there's a right answer here. I see both sides and honestly at this point it should be the decision you're most comfortable with.

I would apologize, but tell her you can't make it. $800 is a lot to pay for a situation she caused. I mean, I don't think she did anything wrong, at all, by changing her date, but I also don't think it's reasonable for her to expect you to pay $800 extra because she did. It's just unfortunate circumstances.

But definitely you shouldn't attend the RD if you aren't going to participate. The couple provides the RD as the thank you for everyone who gave their time to come rehearse. So it would be very rude to ask to attend this dinner when you didn't participate. Now, if she invites you herself and insists she doesn't care and just wants to see you while you can, then I think it ok for you to accept.

I would probably pay it. I wouldn’t want to but I would do it. A true best friend? I couldn’t imagine not being there.

View Quoted Comment I would pay it too

You cannot help that she choose to change the date of her wedding. Do not change your flights, just explain to her that you had planned your trip around her original wedding date.

I don’t see why scheduling a trip for the day after you’re in a wedding is such a bad thing to do. Brides and grooms on this forum have posted before about being annoyed their BM or GM won’t be in town the day after their wedding and everyone always tells them that no one is expected to clear their entire wedding weekend for them.

Personally, I would not change my flights, especially for $800. Especially not to somewhere like Thailand. It takes almost an entire day to travel there so depending on how flexible your trip is, you would likely lose an entire day or two (depending on how you could reschedule). I think you were very fair to wait for her to book the trip. Since you’re her bridesmaid, I’m assuming you’re close enough to talk about upcoming travel so she knew about your trip when she rescheduled her wedding. Unless she asks you to come to the rehearsal dinner as a guest, I wouldn’t volunteer that. I do think it would be nice if maybe a week or two before her wedding, you took her out to a nice celebratory dinner or something like that just the two of you.

Hi there OP, I am assuming she knew about your trip since you're her best friend?

She changed the date anyway, so I am also assuming she knew you wouldn't be able to make it?

If, on the other hand she was in the dark regarding your vacation trip (which by the way I see no problem on you going the very next day - couples get ONE day, not a whole week of exclusive time from BP or guests - I would talk to her ASAP and explain the situation. Like PP said, don't volunteer to go to any pre-wedding event if you are not attending the wedding, but if she insists you go, go and be there for her.