Marrying With Children

I have a child and I would never want her father to sign his rights away unless he was absolutely sure he wanted nothing to do with her. FH loves my daughter and will love her the same as if she were his with or without him adopting her.

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Have you, your future husband, and your child's father discussed any boundaries for parenting your daughter?

I wouldn’t marry someone with children, but only because I wouldn’t date someone with children in the first place. I have a huge fear of getting attached to a child and having them taken away.

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I completely understand. That is a valid explanation.

View Quoted Comment The boundaries are the same for all of us- my ex-husband and his wife and myself and FH all have the same level of parenting when it comes to our daughter. We have set rules (ie: no spanking) and all of us follow them but there’s no separate boundaries for stepparents. She’s only 6 and FH and her stepmother have both been in her life since she was a baby/toddler.

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Thank you for sharing.

No.. unless for a certain or dire reason.
Even though he sees his dad rarely(will not go into that) my son says he is glad he has two dads. From the get go I said no one will ever replace him. We have had discussions. I think it depends on the situation cause everyone’s family is different & can at times be complicated

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I agree that the scenario varies for every family. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I don’t think it is fair to have a parent sign over their rights and not get to be a dad or mom just because you are getting married. Unless they are not really a parent to start with. That could also be damaging to a child. As well damaging to the relationship between child and FS. Plus you and the child. It is basically taking a person that your child has loved out of their life. if not fully at least partly. When you break up with someone and you have had kids. Your future love life should never ever effect the child’s or and other parents relationship. Sorry that question aggravated me.
like I said if the parent is not in the kids life that is different.

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What about the question aggravated you?

View Quoted Comment Cause it is acting like because you are getting married the child’s birth parent no longer matters. They can be cast aside as a parent. That your spouse is above them. That because you are getting married you are better then the birth parent. That the child’s and parents relationship does not matter.

People need to stop playing this who is the better parent tug a war game with kids. It is damaging and teaching children unhealthy relationships.

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I actually think you read too much into the question because none of that was implied. I have simply heard of other couples doing it and posted it to the WeddingWire Community. I never mentioned any parent being better than the other. Some people may feel that way, however, my post does not state that.

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So far no one has made a comment about any parent being better than another. Who are the "people" you are referring to?

View Quoted Comment If you are getting a perfectly good parent to sign over the rights as a parent how is it not implying that one person is better then the other? You are basically saying I am getting married you do t get to be a dad or mom anymore.

Yes I have heard of this done to. In the case of a dead beat parent.

Would you sign your rights away if Dad remarried first? No?! Of course not. It's an asinine question.

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Just to make sure we are on the same page, my question that you are referring to stated: If you have children, would you want your children's biological father to sign over his parental rights to the stepfather? Why or why not?

Nowhere in that questions do I say will you ask a perfectly good parent to sign over their rights. That part you included on your own and projected onto me as the writer of the post. If your answer was no, you could have no, because my child's father is a perfectly good parent.

And no one in the comment section said they would have the father sign over their rights unless they were not a good parent or there were some other extreme circumstances.

View Quoted Comment Don't take this the wrong way but you might not understand that in many places removal of parental rights is a very big ordeal. It would mean the biological parents no longer has any right to their child at all ever, even if the other parents died. Signing off your rights is what you do for an adoption or your child being forcefully removed.
Asking if you would ever request your child's biological parents to never see them again because you're getting married is... Implying you would be okay with a perfectly good parent never seeing their child again. I doubt this is what you meant but it is what signing your rights mean.

This question starts from the assumption the father is the one being asked to give up his rights. This is why Father's have to struggle to get equal rights to their own children. I cannot sit by while people put this out there like it's a perfectly acceptable question to ask. It's not. It's discriminatory against paternal rights.

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Thank you for being respectful with this comment and explaining. I have actually heard of fathers signing over their rights because they don't want to compete with the step-father. I also recently watched an episode of Judge Judy where the mother asked the father to sign away his rights in lieu of not having to pay child support anymore and he did it. So my understanding was not that there were always extreme circumstances surrounding this topic and that the father could never see the child again.