Marrying With Children

View Quoted Comment We said a dead beat is different. I even said a dead beat is different. If you think everyone is being rude then maybe you need to look at yourself. No where in your statement did you say a bad parent. You just said a parent. So we are all
responding the same. Sorry that you do not like our responses. But they are our responses. I we
t into detail on why I thought what I thought answering all your questions. Then you switched what you said around.

It's hard to say without knowing the experience. Sure I can say yes because I love him but at the same time I am not yet ready to be a parent let alone co parent or anything like that.

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It's not about if I like your responses or not. I don't have children nor does my husband so I don't have a dog in this fight. I simply put out a question. However, I will not idly sit by while you add assumptions to my post. As you mentioned, I just a parent. You added a perfectly good parent which then changes the whole dynamic of my post. Nonetheless, thank you for sharing your perspective.

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As someone who does not have children of my own, I completely agree with you.

View Quoted Comment In general father's who sign over their rights are father's who did not want the child to begin with. While there are cases of both mothers and father's signing away their rights peacefully it is not the norm and always means the parent no longer sees the child. Signing your rights away means you are no longer a parent and can never claim parenthood of the child again. It's why the reaction is strong in the responses on this forum, it's generally a very grave situation.
If you are fortunate all you will ever see on this topic is Jude Judy, but as you can see a lot of us know the topic first hand, so it's a lot more serious.
Also that being said when a parent remarries some places will automatically consider the step parent a parent, most places you can do an adoption if needed, if there's a court based custody agreement some judges will add the new parent. There's a lot different ways to go about the situation.
My mother never formally adopted my step brother, and unless you saw our birth certificates you likely wouldn't know she wasn't his mother. 🤷

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Thank you for sharing your perspective. I had never considered this post to be so triggering but as you have so eloquently explained I see that it hits home for some.

Also to answer the question would I marry someone with children? Maybe. It would depend a lot on how he parents and coparents his children currently. I'd be uncomfortable step parenting in a situation where the biological parents have dramatically different parenting styles, I don't believe it's good for anyone. And then I'd have to make sure the kids were ready, and the other parent was willing to communicate with me if the kids needed anything or got hurt.
While it's hard to imagine having children and then no longer being with my fiance I would guess in such a situation I would want some kind of legal custody agreement or adoption so the step parent could place my children on their health insurance if needed, or if something happened to me the kids wouldn't be stranded waiting for a grandparent or their dad.

I will inherit 2 step children. They have a step father. My fh and his ex wife make all the big decisions, but when it comes to the time we have them my fh pretty much treats it like I'm not a step parent. I'm allowed to make calls any bio mom would. Even though I don't have children I already know how I want to parent and my fh has been super open to my outside opinion.



But neither of them should ever sign their rights over as at the end of the day neither I or the step dad are their mom and dad. But I'm glad they have 2 bio parents that both want them equally. It makes step parenting easier.


We don't really know what goes on at their moms house or how involved their step dad is but at the moment we don't hear anything negative. I didn't necessarily want to be a step parent however I knew from the get go what type of parent and partner my fh would be being able to see how he interacted with his current children. It's definitely proved to us where we stand in parenting and that we are compatible with it.


Hes the softie and I'm the rule setter 😉 HOWEVER I love that he's become less of a softie and stepped more into shaping them following my lead than he was when we met.

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I completely agree with you. In addition to my readiness to be a step-parent, considering how the two parents co-parent is crucial.

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It's awesome that you all are willing to work together to parent the children.

View Quoted Comment But I did not add assumptions. You never specified what kind of parent was signing rights away. You have to specify so I know. In my answer I said a dead beat parent was different. But I gave responses for both good and bad parent in the Situation you provided. Like I said a dead beat parent is different.

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It would have been more helpful to ask a clarifying question before responding to a post that you are unclear about. I intentionally did not specify if the parent in question was "good" or "bad". Again, I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

I don't have children but will answer both questions anyway because I don't find them offensive.

Question 1: it would depend on the father/children situation. If it's a deadbeat dad who has had little to none communication with the kids in years and pays no child support, maybe. Just because they wave parental rights does not mean i will automatically banned them from seeing or having a relationship with the children. It means I am legally responsible for them and get to make healthcare and other important decisions. The biological father no longer has input on where we move, if we leave the country, etc.

Question 2:
I would absolutely date/marry someone with children. I thrive around them blending a family is a tough road but a worthy one. I told my FS (in a joking way) if we ever broke up I'd go for someone younger with young children or is super ready to start having some or more.

View Quoted Comment For question 1 I completely agree with you
For question 2 I don't have children so I would be a little hesitant about dating someone with children. There is a lot to consider

View Quoted Comment But you didn’t say dead beat parent either. Why is the automatic assumption (because you said you meant dead beat) that the father is a bad father just because he’s not with the mother and she is getting married to someone else?

View Quoted Comment I did not assign "good" or "bad" to the parent.

While I would like to not have to worry about my ex’s drama, and my fiancé would adopt my son in a heartbeat, my son still loves his father. Aside from the fact that it is near impossible to legally take away the parental rights of a parent, I would never stop my son from having a relationship with his father. Just because we didn’t work out doesn’t mean that is not his father anymore. I can understand why some people were irritated about this question. It’s not that simple or realistic. I’m sure at some point in time it has happened, but for the overwhelming majority of separated parents it isn’t even an option, even if the step parent could better provide for the child.

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Thank you for sharing your perspective.

I don't have children of my own, but I am marrying someone with a daughter!

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Do you have a good relationship with your soon to be step-daughters mother?