Maid of Honor Nightmare!! Help! Bridal Shower planning gone so wrong!

@EndofaDarrah, Thank you for reading my clarification posts!! And for suggesting I update my OP.

In response to your comment, that's the problem, I have informed her many many times that she is not alone and that other BM, FMIL, aunts, mom and gma want to help but she keeps telling me "I don't need 'em, lol" and when they ask for what to help with they come to me telling me she directed them to me.... So that's really why I keep asking where she is in the process so I can answer their questions without redirecting them back to her..... this is why I call it a nightmare....

I've asked if she needs me to reach out to people on her behalf and she has just been asserting that she is the host and that she wants to host... well until she texted me, 'I'm done', yesterday.

She's not acting like herself in all of this. 1, I'm worried about her. 2, I'm worried about all the guests arriving to no chairs and my unprepared 76 year old gma...

@Abbey, I didn't intend to 'plan' my own shower. My sister asked to 'host and plan' it then she just kept asking me to take care of duties and I complied.

It's a little too late to cancel it, in my opinion since it is in 16 days. Since you did suggest canceling it, how to you propose canceling it? Do I cancel it? Also, when canceling what do I say the reason is???

Haven't read all of the posts but it doesn't sound like she planned on planning or having her own shower it sounds as if she was brought into the planning which then in that case she probably should've said something to the effect of I shouldn't be planning my shower in fact we don't need to have one unless it's something you are planning

Big run on sentence but you get the point, jeez Louise breathe people

Ok, since you're stillllll defending yourself.... Richard is totally right, at this point.

I was merely suggesting that earlier on, maybe you were being a mite controlling and overbearing. No one will die if there are no favors or if the party is "some crazy mashup of inappropriately placed responsibilities with unfinished ends". That whole statement, and your persistent defensiveness and unwillingness to admit fault thought out this entire post....suggest a huge control issue. Just calling it like I see it.

I already agreed with @Richard's comment. It was very sound advice.

@CuteNickname

Maybe you shouldn't be attacking me then? It doesn't seem like you're really here to give advice, rather more vent out some pent up anger issues.

I have admitted fault, go back and read my posts. I do not need to grovel though, as some people have suggested.

Edit - spelling

And now you're gaslighting. Bravo.

What do you think you were doing, not gaslighting?

You're just trying to make yourself feel better about the fact that you've behaved in such a way that your own sister has told you she's Done. This whole post is about Cheyenne the martyr who has had to endure a train wreck of a sister and is just worried about her and the guests.

I call bullshit. You're worried about how your PP shower will look to others. Not how your sister feels.

Please stop hijacking my thread to berate me.

You're not giving any advice anymore, you're just angry....

Not angry just annoyed. You've edited your post several times to make yourself sound better. You're not here for advice you're here for validation. And not interested in facing the possibility that you might not be an angel.

I edited because apparently I was very unclear in the beginning and before I received actual advice I had to clear up confusion with the slang I used.

If you hadn't notice, most of my comments are just clearing up slang language confusion.... I was too brief in the beginning.

I came here for advice, I received some helpful criticism and some that I will genuinely use.

At this point, you're very hung up with how I appear/come across... it's odd

This whole time you've been talking about how you did everything right. That's where the focus is. You.

This post was not....oh my goodness I hope my sister is OK. It started as....I want to kick my sister of the BP because she hasn't done her job to my satisfaction. That was very clear. That didn't go over well so you changed the message to make yourself sound better and get validation. Maybe instead of posting here about how shitty and messed up your sister is and how great you are, you should be calling her. Who cares what I think, seriously?

Cheyenne & Christian, you have edited your original post, and changed the "tone" of it significantly. I read the original and edited posts, and it appears to me that there was more than "slang confusion" going on. You were called out on the attitude you displayed originally, which was fair.

There's been too much OP editing and backpedaling to get to truth of what happened (not that it's even important -- it's a wedding shower, nothing more). I guarantee, if the OP's sister had the opportunity to weigh in, we'd hear another story.

OP, it's obvious, after reading the first few responses, that you edited, from your original post, any mention of firing your sister, the MOH, for not planning the shower you were expecting. That's not fair. By doing that, you are leaving out essential facts that make the first few posters look like they're assuming, not responding to what you wrote.

OP, you wrote, " I was gracious by saying thank you and what every you need let me know how I can help (rounding up the bridesmaids, budget, paying for things). I stuck to my word and ‘helped’ – in the roundabout way that’s how I planned my entire shower." So, you admit, you did find a way to plan your "entire shower". Nothing unusual there -- we read this type of thing all the time. Then you wrote, " I never said I would kick her out of my BP ever. I said it was suggested I move her from the MoH position in my clarification follow up post. I also never concretely said I planned on removing her title in any way, it is a harsh overreaction to me. In my OP I said 'Help! I don't know if she should remain my MoH'," What? You weren't going to remove her from the bridal party "concretely", just remove a few stripes because she didn't meet your party expectations? Do you not hear yourself? Demote her because you didn't get the Bed, Bath, and Beyond experience you wanted, and were willing to finance? OMG.

And why is your FH involved in a woman's bridal shower -- especially when the target is your own sister? Why is he telling you to kick your sister out of the bridal party? Tell him to mind his own business (or at least deal with his own family's shortcomings with such swift justice), because he wasn't around, year after year, as the two of you cemented, as children and throughout adolescence, a relationship that is now part of both you and your sister. How dare he? Doesn't he know, as you said, that your relationship with your sister isn't "fragile"? Note to you: it will be more than fragile once you demote her. The mere suggestion is damn humiliating, and, if you love her, it's not what she deserves. And why are you even considering advice from outsiders -- which, you clearly admitted, in another post, that you're doing?

Can we get real here? Clear your head, and silence the noise. Crying over a wedding shower that isn't what you thought? Those are tears of luxury. Tears of real agony, between sisters, have nothing to do with blenders, potholders, and silly party games. Real tears come after the horrible, stunning, breath sucking diagnosis that leaves you with nothing more to offer to your little sister than a plea that she just swallows a few spoonfuls of the only thing the chemo may let her hold down -- something exotic like...Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup (as opposed to offering her your party guest list and your "piggy bank"). Real tears, between sisters, those weighed down with decades of love and not months of being pissed off, are shed when you're telling her that you love the way she looks with her shaved head because it really makes her eyes and cheekbones stand out...and she smiles, because she's knows you're lying (and so do you).

Wedding showers, bachelorette parties, and all of the other pre-wedding celebrations that the wedding industry has convinced every engaged person that they are absolutely entitled to, are nothing more than nonsense in the greater scheme of life...and I am so tired of reading about the relationships that are destroyed because people actually buy into this stuff, as though it matters.

None of this is a big deal. Make it up with your sister. Hold her, embrace her, and don't humiliate or publicly chastise her. It sounds like you have a good relationship with her. God, don't throw that away over a bunch of boxed gifts and a three hour party. One day, she might be diagnosed with an aggressive form of ovarian cancer, as my younger sister -- mother of four -- has been. And guess what? She was my MOH, and you know what she planned for me when I was about to be married? Zip. Nothing. Imagine how I'd feel now if I had held that "infraction" against. That benign offense could have grown to a malignant estrangement. But, as it was, I couldn't have cared less. Blenders, cutlery, and six packs of water and wine glasses didn't matter, at all. And here's the big shocker -- without the shower or the almighty, out of town bachlorette party, here I am, over 35 years later, a mother and grandmother, still married to the same guy. I pray life doesn't impose upon you, anytime soon, the big equalizer between you and your sister. Make it up with her. Please, make it up with her. Don't degrade her in any way. It is what it is. Accept it and be happy that you have decades of silly squabbles to have with her (and don't let the sun go down on any of those squabbles either). Not all of us are that lucky.

ETA: I didn't mean to get too heavy, but this, OP, is life, and family, and if you love them, treasure them...regardless of their petty infractions.

My post was flagged when in the post when in it I had said, I did call my sister, we did 'make up'.

The reason for my perpetual editing if bc of people blowing crap out of proportion. I came here for advice, and received 10% constructive criticism, 90% unreasonable rudeness. There was too much of her side and my side of the story to fit into the original post and in subsequent posts. So I attempted to clarify in edits rather than continuously go on tangents. Now I know WW people prefer no edits and endless tangents.

Yeah, I'm sorry for your situation, that is very sad. My sister and I had a miscommunication issue in the end, that was all. I am grateful to have her. But I do not need to grovel to strangers.

In the end she is happy and I am happy. We figured out what the issue was and its over with.

@Jacks & @Ashley, in all honesty my original 'attitude' was definitely coming from frazzledness from all of this. I was so overwhelmed and used this post to vent rather than vent elsewhere. I thought it was the safer choice rather than air my dirty laundry. I figured strangers on the internet would be better at giving objective advice. I was right to some extent...

Grovel to strangers? What? Remember, it was a "Nightmare!!" SOS post, authored by you, that grabbed our attention, and you invited all of us to weigh in on your do or die wedding shower drama. But, hey, no problem -- at all. After all, you're right...100% right. Enjoy being in the winner's circle. Happy wedding shower.

Rachel D., I said grovel to strangers bc so many people just used this thread as an opportunity to tell me how "ungrateful, selfish, undeserving, spoiled..." they think I am. I don't know if you saw pages 1 through 3.

It was nothing directed at you. Again, just giving explanations for future readers so I don't continue to get a barrage of insults.

Not sure why everyone is jumping to conclusions and saying she is hosting her own BS. Op have a talk with her, tell her how you feel! It's not fair for her to put everything on you.

I read every comment. Sorry, OP, but we're looking through two different sets of lenses. I remember being exactly where you are -- we were young, healthy, and we had all the time in the world to out debate the other. Now, we don't, and it all seems so incredibly stupid. Best of luck, and I mean that.