Maid of Honor Nightmare!! Help! Bridal Shower planning gone so wrong!

Yes she shouldn't have "signed up" to host the shower if she wasn't up for it. However, you certainly shouldn't be planning your own. In this situation, if there's no shower there's just no shower.

Benefit of the doubt here that OP used "signed up" loosely to mean 'my sister offered'. It's a poor choice of words, but it is an expression. Saying "I will do X" is technically signing up.

I'm hoping the benefit of the doubt is deserved.

Sometimes it happens that a MOH volunteers/offers and then gets in over her head or gets flaky. So I can understand the frustration of that's the case.

If OP demanded a shower or asked her MOH to throw one, well that's different.

I think you definitely need to call her and sort this out for more than just the shower/wedding. She's your sister.

My sister is my MOH, and she and my mom are planning the shower. You know how many times I've brought up whether they are planning a shower for me? ZERO. If they aren't able to make it happen, I'd be a little disappointed but I certainly would NEVER "call her out" or plan it myself. I don't blame your sister for being pissed at all - you are acting so ungrateful and spoiled.

I was my sister's MOH, and planned her shower. I would have been bullshit if she did to me what you're doing to your sister. In your defense, I wouldn't have dropped the ball...but you still don't act all entitled about it.

Call your sister and apologize PROFUSELY. Beg for forgiveness. This is not worth ruining your relationship with your sister.

Look, I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister but my sister (whom I love dearly) is my MOH, she is super flighty and always talks a big talk but when it comes down to it-doesn't follow through with anything. That's just who she is...So Im 99.9% sure I won't have a bridal shower and I'm 100% ok with that. I would never ask her "whats up" "Where's my present party?" that seems really rude. Maybe just a conversation, a sister-to-sister conversation about LIFE not about your WEDDING would reveal what's going on in her life, maybe she needs you there as a sister not as bridezilla.

Did she say she was going to plan the shower or did you assume she was going to plan it? Kicking someone out of the BP is a dick move.

OP here….

Abbey and Elizabeth, you both hit the nail on the head.

My sister/MoH specifically said "I want to host and plan your bridal shower" - that's what I mean by 'signed up'. I in no way asked her or obliged her to think it was her 'duty'. I was gracious by saying thank you and what every you need let me know how I can help (rounding up the bridesmaids, budget, paying for things). I stuck to my word and ‘helped’ – in the roundabout way that’s how I planned my entire shower.

She (MoH) asked me to send out the invites, I thought ‘okay, sure’ since she didn’t know exactly who to invite. So I bought, prepared and sent the invites.

She (MoH) asked me what theme I’d like, I said a ‘fiesta’ seems fun. She said ‘okay, I don’t have any money to buy decorations can you buy the decorations?’ I said, of course and bought all the decorations.

She (MoH) never asked about the food, my gma did (who’s older and not computer savvy) my gma had me order all of the food. I did so happily, bc I want to be helpful and the opposite of a bridezilla.

She (MoH) asked me to buy the game prizes so I did…

I asked her if she had thought of favors and she said “the guests’ gift is being invited” so I bought little bath bombs as favors….

It just goes on and on like this…

And lastly, my fiancé is pissed and he suggested I kick her out of the MoH position. I have not brought that to her attention in any way and I hope she never knows.

Ok, I apologize for assuming that you were demanding a shower. But I still think this is a conversation that you need to have with your sister, gently and in person. At the end of the day, a shower is not worth ruining your relationship with your sister over.

Well, I think we may have the same sister OP. And Honestly, I don't know if she's always this way, or just got way in over her head planning a party she thought would be a breeze, but like I previously said--I know my sister and just know I can't rely on anything from her. It will all work out, but don't lose your relationship with your sister over a party

ETA clarity

Cheyenne, Thanks for the clarification. I still recommend connecting with your sister to resolve this. I do not condone kicking anyone out of your wedding. MOH is a title of honor (hence the name). It isn't added responsibilities.

@Cheyenne, I'm in a similar position. FMIL insisted that we should have a shower. She wanted to host her friends in Chicago (we live in upstate NY). Argument was that not everyone would be able to make it to our NY wedding, and this would give them at least one wedding-related event in which they could participate. Fine.

A few months later, I learn through FH that she expects us to create the invitations. We designed, ordered, addressed, and sent the invitations. Then she informed us that we have to have a party favor for the guests. We went ahead and created party favors, ordered and assembled those. We will also be driving out to Chicago for this shower (12 h each way). I really would have preferred not to have a shower at all.

But I appreciate that FMIL *WANTED* to throw us a shower, and that she's paying for the majority of it. And I don't hold a grudge for the things she requested help with.

I understand that you're really frustrated. You don't need all of this added stress right before your wedding. But as others have said, this is your sister. You're going to have a relationship with her for a long time. That has to come first. To the extent that it's possible, try to patch it up with her. DO NOT kick her out of the wedding.

Sorry to hear! That is frustrating after someone volunteers but I would definitely not kick her out as they could have an impact on your relationship

That is frustrating if she volunteered and now its left to you to come together with the details that is completely different from planning your own shower. I would understand your FH being pissed but I don't think you should kick her out, maybe try and figure out if she has something going on, she is after all your sister and you picked her to be your MOH for a reason. PP are right she will always be your sister and kicking her out would just be unnecessary tension and strain on the relationship. You know her better so is this type of behavior normal for her?

@Richard... right on. I wish I had you on speeddial.

It sucks that she offered and then passed the work off to you but it sounds as though she wasn't financially able to do this. Yes she shouldn't have offered and should have asked others for help but she didn't. Maybe she was too embarrassed to ask for help from others and took you up on your offer to help her with anything she needed. It seems as though she felt attacked by you so you should apologize and try to repair your relationship. And tell your FH that you don't kick people out of wedding parties for not being your glitter slaves.

First off, why did you choose your older sister in the first place? Is she truly your best friend? Did you two sit down and talk about the bridal shower and details? Are the other bridesmaids helping too?

Did you expect a bridal shower because like many others have said you aren't owed one it's usually put together by the MOH, bridesmaids or the mothers family.. Maybe your sister is having financial difficulties and instead of asking her what was happening.. it seems you lashed out at her through text. CALL HER! I know we live in a tech world but call me old fashioned (im 31) I think weddings are important enough to pick up the phone. It seems like there is something much deeper than just her being lazy.. You two should sit down like TODAY and figure out what is going on. Hope it works out.

The only thing she is "required " to do is get a dress and show up !

This is hilarious.

You don't plan your own shower.

You don't wail on your MOH because she didn't do it.

You don't fire your bridal party because they didn't measure up to your expectations.

I agree with @Richard

I would only say that texting can be the downfall to many relationships mostly in stressful situations. Text language can come out of context a lot easier than you think.

Call your sister or better yet arrange a wine night for you two to talk it out in person. There are two sides to every story and you only know yours and what you assume of hers, which is dangerous ground.

Thanks for the clarification OP. ITA with Richard as well - but I would be annoyed in your position. I would probably say thanks but no thanks for the shower lol.