Maid of honor dropped out

Stands up and applauds @jacks for saying what I was about to type.

I just don't understand this. Your wedding is in 2019?? Why would someone need to save up for 2 years to be a bridesmaid? All they have to buy is their dress (or suit in this case which you should have let her wear) this is just a weird situation. Being a bridesmaid should not be a big deal.

@jacks, to each their own. FH and I see eye to eye on this. If our opinions on worldly matters were extreme opposites, we wouldn't be getting married either.

Way late but I had a life to go live so I missed it: @Natalie, you conveniently left out context in my comment that you quoted. Good for you. I was referring to the fact that if she knew her BMs weren't comfortable in dresses, her vision means nothing. But thanks for reading into my comment and turning it into bullshit.

Well true SAK, my parter and I choose to stand up for freedom, understanding and tolerance.

@mrsfuturer, if SHE doesn't have a problem with it then they need to work out a compromise. If they are not in agreement on it, then that's something they need to work out. It's not ok to say "F-you, I'll do what i want". That isn't a good way to start a marriage

@Jacks PREACH. Every one of your posts is spot on.

@Sak- you do not have the right to force someone to wear something that makes them uncomfortable or goes against who they are as a person. Whether it's "your day" (gag) or not is completely irrelevant. As a person and especially as a friend, you should have enough empathy to care more about how your friend feels than how they look to other people or in your photos.

@Sak saying "you do not have the right to dictate how my close friend presents herself at my wedding" is nowhere near saying "fuck you I'll do what I want". That's a pivotal point you're missing.

@daniella I wouldn't "force" anyone to wear anything. If someone didn't want to wear the attire I chose, then they don't "have" to participate. It's that simple.

People can dress in the gender they like, just not at your wedding, right?

@Sak that is you putting your vision over your friend. In what world view is that acceptable?! Ew.

If I was aware that someone would want to wear a different type of apparel than what I had in mind, I would have enough respect not to ask them or put them through that agony. Im not totally heartless

"Im not totally heartless"

Keep on thinking that, SAK...

You keep saying "apparel", what you should be saying is "gender preferred attire".

If they are attending my wedding, they can dress however they want. If they are standing up with me, I would have a dress code. That is correct. Edit:spelling

@SAK

So if one of your closest friends was trans, you would exclude them from your wedding party so that you could have everyone dressed the same?

Or would you just not have a trans friend?

Del, i would most likely already be aware of my "closest friends" gender identity. I don't think my closest friend would let me know by asking to wear a suit in my wedding (assuming my closest friend is a female identifying as a male). If I was not aware of this, and no one else was (assuming they are my closest friend I would think I would be one of the first to know), I would be upset that this person wanted to announce their identity by wearing a suit at my wedding.

Yes, Kayla. We got it the first time.

@Announce her identity - neither you nor anyone else here knows if the BM intended to transition entirely to male clothing over the course of the next two years. It would very likely have been entirely old news by the wedding.

But asking again - would you exclude a trans person from your wedding party? You haven't answered that.

If I was aware that the person wanted to wear a suit, and FH was not ok with it, I wouldn't ask. If FH had no problem with it, i probably wouldn't care. I believe in coming to an agreement with FH. I value him and his opinion. If I wanted my bridal party to dress a certain way, and I knew they weren't willing, I wouldn't ask them. For me, it's all about who knew what and when.

What really aggravated me was all the people saying "who cares what FH wants".

I don't have any trans friends. Does that make me a bad person? If one of my friends announced that they are trans would I unfriend them? No. I would probably ask them a ton of questions though, but I generally ask a lot of questions anyways.