Maid of honor dropped out

IMO, this is why you ASK your bridal party to be apart of your big day. Some people can't commit (financially, time wise, etc) and they're allowed to decline.

I agree with PP's I think there are missing facts to the story here.

I learned my lesson: hold off on picking your bridesmaids! I picked mine a couple months ago and there's already drama between 2 of the bridesmaids hating each other. Just relax and you've got time

'That right there kind of signals you don't care much about what makes them comfortable spending their money on versus what matches your "wedding vision"'

As a bride, you are allowed to dictate what the bridesmaids will wear. Wanting her bridesmaid to wear a dress is hardly a bridezilla 'don't disrupt my wedding vision' moment here. Particularly seeing as though OP said this friend has worn dresses before at formal occasions.

1.) Regarding the first BM that dropped out because she wanted to wear a suit instead of a dress: did you bother to ask her why she had that preference and try to understand why she was not comfortable wearing a dress? Is it possible she's going through something personal right now that would maybe influence her discomfort over attire? I think it's unfortunate you and your FH seem to have decided that only having BMs who wear dresses is more important than having your close friend stand by your side wearing something that makes her comfortable and happy. Honestly, I'd have tried harder to understand what your friend wanted and accommodated her.

2.) Regarding the BM who dropped out because she didn't think she could save up enough money to be a BM: that's not how this works. As the bride, you don't get to demand your BP spends whatever amount of money you think is appropriate. You are supposed to be considerate of your very best friends and ask them, individually, what they are comfortable spending on their attire. After they give you an idea of what they can reasonably afford, you do not pick attire that costs more than the lowest answer your BMs gave you. They set the budget here, not you. If you have a BM stepping down over what you expect them to save up, you're going about this completely backwards. Rewind and have a new conversation about attire with each BM, and this time ask each of them what they are comfortable spending so you can make sure their costs don't exceed that.

@bluehenbride,

The issue with the first bridesmaid was that she specifically stated that unless she could wear a suit, she refused to be in the wedding party. She brought that point up in the first place. Secondly, I gave my girls free reign to pick their own dresses so long as they were the right color, length and preferably have straps so all of my girls, who all have very large boobs, would not have to worry about the top falling. It was a matter of she didn't feel as though she could afford any dress or shoes.

Kayla, if you're requiring shoes that are specifically for your wedding, you pay for them. If you're requiring hair/makeup, you pay. Also you let one of your nearest and dearest quit your wedding over a *dress*. I feel like you need to look at your approach here.

Your getting married in 2019 and you asked now ?!

I'm really upset for your friend who told you she wanted to wear a suit and was promptly shown the door for it. Do you understand how brave that was for her? And it doesn't matter if she's worn dresses in the past; gender identification is a process and she was clearly trying to move along it honestly. And now she's out of her friend's wedding party for trying to be true to herself, and I'm sure she can imagine a million more small and large injuries waiting along the way. And you don't even seem to care.

She had already said she was willing and able to be a bridesmaid, and was extremely happy to be my maid of honor. She then changed this earlier when I said about colors for dresses and that we had booked our venue. I am paying for hair and makeup. The shoes are whatever color the girls want since they won't be seen under the dresses anyway. I made it fairly clear from day one what they would need to pay for and that i was giving advance notice because of the financial situations of some of my girls.

The bridesmaid who told me that a dress was a no didn't tell me until over a month later and she chose to leave the wedding party. I was still seeing how to make her suit look nice with the girl's dresses and she essentially said that her suit was more important than being with me to get married.

My maid of honor is wearing a tailor maid female tux and will be on my side of the party. That is how she dress so that is what she will wear

But did you try to understand why the suit was so important to her? She's your friend, presumably one of your closest friends if you asked her to be in your wedding. From the information provided, it doesn't sound like anything happened between her saying "I want to wear a suit instead of a dress" and you saying "you have to wear a dress," resulting in her dropping out. What happened in between? Did you try to understand? Was there a reason this was important to her?

The freedom to pick any dress of a certain color should mean your BMs could spend as little or as much as she wanted. If your MOH was concerned about cost, did you help her look for stores that sell less expensive dresses than bridal shops? Also, you mentioned that you asked your BP so early because you wanted them to save up money for their expenses. Did you actually tell them that's why you asked them this far out? I can see how that terminology would make a person feel like you expected her to buy expensive attire. Perhaps your MOH has the wrong idea here that she truly could walk into a department store and buy something off the sales rack that fits her budget and is the correct color?

What kind of shoe are you requiring that would mean your BMs have to purchase shoes? Generally, it's okay to request a color for shoes that is easy to find, will get lots of use out of, and that at least some of your BMs may already own (think neutrals). If you require a specific shoe or an out of the ordinary colored shoe, then the bride generally foots the bill for the BM shoes. I simply told my BMs to all wear any black shoe they wanted (I actually polled them all on which neutral colors the owned/would prefer to wear and they all picked black). No one had to buy new shoes, but they achieved uniformity.

@o&s#d&b funny. Never.

Kayla, in my opinion you dropped the ball on your friend's request to wear a suit.

Irielle, honest question, do you have any nearest and dearest that are still speaking to you after all the firings?

I've spoken with the MOH and explained that I don't expect much as far as what she needs to pay for. I gave a couple suggestions for sites as far as getting a dress and I told her if the cost of a dress is truly what is making her want to not be a part of the wedding, then we can handle that together and I can either partially or entirely pay for her dress after she picks one that makes her happy. The suit discussion went from a conversation about her wearing a dress and saying it was okay, to the suit ultimatum that she randomly gave, to me saying I'd look and see what I could find and then us coming to a very short answer of her preferring not to be in the BP at all because of it

Your friend who wanted to wear a suit didn't let you know until over a month later? Wow, I can't believe she only gave you over a year and a half's notice to accommodate this.

It sounds like you told your BP they had to buy brand new shoes for your wedding. Why on earth can you not tell your friends who you're saying have tight financial situations that they can wear any shoe they already own? It would help this situation so much.

In the grand scheme of the length of time between when you asked these ladies to be your BMs and when your wedding will occur, waiting only a month to let you know she would prefer to wear a suit was not that long. A month is a small fraction of your engagement.

I never said they needed to buy shoes. I said any shoes would be okay as long as they felt they would look good with their dresses. And the issue I had about the suit was that it had never been an issue until a conversation that the suits for the groomsmen were discussed and I definitely didn't want her to leave the BP. I had just asked time to think about where we could get a suit for her or make the situation work for everyone.

You've really changed your story on the suit issue. At first, you said that your FH insisted on a "traditional" looking wedding party. Now you were trying to accommodate and she suddenly dropped out. It's one or the other.

As for her "suddenly" bringing up the suit, I can almost promise you she had been thinking about it for a while and was nervous and uncomfortable. There is no right time or right way to say "I'm uncomfortable with traditional gender presentation at your major event". But there's a right and wrong way to respond, and at least one of the ways you've claimed you responded is the wrong one.