Losing a friendship over +1??

I am so sorry that you're dealing with this.

I would sit him down in a very cool, calm manner and explain the situation again. Just explain again that seeing that you don't know his boyfriend (having dinner with them once isn't "knowing" a person) and budget contraints you can only invite the people you have good relationships with. You have a good relationship with him (the person having the issue) and you would be devastated if he weren't there. Just ask for his understanding.

I did read once upon a time about guests paying themselves for their plus ones, so maybe that is an option?

Plus ones aren't generally people you know well. They are extended to the guest you DO know, who's in a very committed relationship (engaged, living together, long term dating relationship). That being said, if your budget precludes you from inviting plus ones, guests have to decide whether or not they want to attend alone.

I understand that his allegations upset you. I'd write him a note, and let him know that you wish you could extend a plus one to his bf, but you simply can't. Tell him that it wouldn't matter if his plus one was a man, a woman, his mother, or his brother. Just don't make your reasoning one of "I barely know him" -- keep it about your budget.

I agree with what was said above. If you've been good friends with him for over ten years, just sit him and down and explain the situation. Understand that you are hurt over what he said, but he could also be hurt over assuming it is a gay issue - even if it is not.

But definitely let him know his attendance is very important to you. And if you genuinely mean you will consider inviting his boyfriend, let him know that if it works out that way that you have space available to fit into your budget you absolutely will let him come.

Be honest. Explain the finances. Tell him how much per person, show him your guest list, etc. Although technically he doesn't need to know that, it might be good to show him where you're coming from.

Also, have they been together for longer than 6 months? If so, then he should get a plus one. I'm finding it very frustrating that spouses and boyfriends/girlfriends that I barely know are replacing seats that I could fill up with other friends, but I'm doing what etiquette dictates.

It is sad he has chosen to accuse you of being biased against gay relationships. Esp. if you have never shown this to be an issue for you in the past. Budget is important and sometimes guest have no sense of how much it cost to have additional people at a wedding. We had someone ask for a 2 so he and his GF could have a driver! Amazing. My FH did exactly as you did and told him we would have to wait and see if there is room. However....

I edited this because it truly does depend on the longevity and status of the relationship he has with his BF.

Truthfully, I would be ticked if I was invited to a wedding without my FH, even when we were "just dating". All couples, regardless of their title, should be invited as a unit. AND in this case, them being married or not married may not even be their choice!

I understand budgets, I really do, but I'm sorry I think your friend is right to be upset.

I do agree that not being married may not be their choice. That is a good point, Kate. Guessing you know the extent of their relationship, Teriauna?

Explain to him why.

We're also not allowing +1s, however, exceptions are being made if they live together and have for a while. It's really to prevent having to pay for the hook-up of the week, but not to prevent serious couples from enjoying a night together. If he is someone important enough to invite and he lives with his bf, is one more person going to break your bank?

If it is a new budding relationship, I don't get why he'd be so upset, but I was wondering too if the not being married is their choice. If it's a relationship of 2 years, they might consider themselves married in their minds since they can't legally. Idk what the laws are in your area. However, you did tell him you'd check back, but I'm wondering if he got so upset because they've been together forever but can't marry and people don't treat them as a social unit because of it.

I'm usually for the budget thing and understand people who don't invite boyfriends and girlfriends. We didn't give the singles plus ones. One friends got a bf about a month after invites went out, and I still didn't offer the invite to him; though, I know she wanted him to come with her. We were trying to keep it under 50 people.

Marisa, if you are going to make exceptions don't draw the line based on if they are living together. A couple could be in a serious committed relationship for years and not be living together. Choose a dating time frame that you would consider a serious relationship. Living together isn't the only factor in that.

As far as your friend, I have a lot of the thoughts that other people have mentioned. I agree that he is over reacting to an extent. How long have they been together? Are they able to get legally married? The points Jess brought up could be true. Plus ones aren't supposed to be for people that YOU know. They are so your guest can bring someone so they are more comfortable and have a better time.

If it comes down to budget, it comes down to budget. You were nice enough to keep the option open closer to the date and ultimately he needs to respect that.

I think it might be partly because of the DC area. People expect plus ones. We gave plus ones to anyone in a relationship whether it was a two week relationship or a ten year relationship and we still got shit for not giving single people plus ones.

We are very budget conscious too. I know that there may be a few "plus one" guests we won't know attending our wedding, it comes with the territory. But to be invited to a wedding & not to be able to bring the love of my life; would be difficult for me too. He's hurt, so he is lashing out.

I agree with the friend.... Plus ones are for truly SINGLE people. He is not single. You don't have to know the spouse to invite them sorry when it comes to this issue. By all means it's your wedding. We have a budget too I think most of us do. I think the proper thing IS to invite the friend. I really don't see this as a plus one but inviting a couple. Totally not the same.

In the time that we were dating, FH was invited to three weddings without a +1. It hurt my feelings, as we had been dating 2-3 years when we received the invites, so I understand why he's upset. However, FH did not end his friendships over this, so I agree that you need to explain where you're coming from.

I agree that if they are in a committed relationship, his bf should be invited. I know it can suck to see your guest list (and cost) going up when you factor in significant others, but it's the polite thing to do. They're not there because you know them especially well, they're there because they are important to people who are important to you.

That being said, it sounds like he's overreacting and telling people that you're discriminating against him is out of line. Sit down and talk with him and explain the situation.

See if he can understand your budget situation and if he really wants to bring him he can pay for his +1. Or you can let him know you have your own family members that are not bringing a +1 so its not shade it's just the way it is for the head count. If that was the case everyone can bring whom ever they want into your wedding and you are stuck with a hefty bill.

WOW!! I am really surprised that so many of you are so tolerating of a friend who I have known for so many years to make my special day about him and his boyfriend. To address some questions, Yes they live together, I do not know how long...maybe a year. He lives in DC where it is legal to marry. They are not engaged. I have never had a conversation about him getting engaged soon. It is NOT a gay issue, it is an issue of me trying to be accomdating to someone who assumed they could bring their guest as a single person to a friends wedding and when told that I would let him know at a later date that I would let him know, he got upset. Im sorry. I never heard of accomodating your guests to make THEM feel comfortable at YOUR wedding by allowing THEM to bring as many people as THEY like to ensure that THEY have a great time. I thought invites were meant for you to invite your closest friends and family to witness the love and commitment you share with your FH/FW?

Continued... My entire wedding is what I believe is the wedding of my dreams within the budget that we have set. I may be a little biased because of the stress I have been under my guest list situation with the late RSVP's, and possibility of having to switch ballrooms if I go over the original number, so many people asking to bring dates, etc. My guests will have a great time! Let me also note that he is my co-worker and will not be there alone. There will be many other close friends and people he can have a good time with. When I told him that as I did everything else you all mentioned, like my budget constraints, etc., he said "I see those people everyday, I don't want to hang with them!". SO I am not sure where I went wrong in trying to include a friend on my special day. What happened to just be understanding and waiting it out. It seems if I will be able to accomodate 25 days out, but as this point, I'm not sure if I want to just because of the selfish reaction.