Losing a friendship over +1??

I feel like you think it's your friend's choice to end your relationship because of this action, but please look at it from his side too. Your action to not invite his bf has hurt him deeply enough to cause this feeling. I know it wasn't your intention, but it's still what happened. You still have time to apologize and offer his bf an invitation if you want to retain the friendship.

At this point, it doesn't have to be about who's right or who's wrong or principle, you could simply offer it to him because you know it's affected him and you want to retain the friendship. I'm sure you've received a decline somewhere to justify it financially.

I have made several concessions with my FMIL to maintain peace.

Admittedly having not read all of the responses as I am trying to get all my work done b/4 I leave for my wedding vacation next Tuesday and just have been rushing everyging, I apologize if it has already been said but...

Tell him You apologize tht your budget will not allow you to give him a "plus 1" until you get closer to the date and know what your numbers are. Having said that, tell him you "would not want to break his streak of never having gone to a wedding where the invitee was not allowed to bring a guest, so by all means, you would understand if he felt he could not attend". Problem solved IMO.

I'm sorry you are being stressed (as I am for all of us) where the guest list is concerned. Blessed is the bride who has very understanding friends and family (or friends and family who have already gone through planning a wedding). Good luck sweetie.

If he's that upset over it, he should just decline and call it a day. There's no need for drama.

People don't realize that you are on a budget, and unfortunately, most of them don't care. Just because they SHOULD understand that there's a financial burden involved, doesn't mean that they will.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this but I agree with you in the sense that you shouldn't be afraid to lose a friendship over something like this. Don't let people involve themselves in your life more than you want them to be involved. I hope your wedding day is as perfect as your pretty smile!!

We decided that if someone was in a relationship and felt strongly enough about that relationship, then they would ask us if they could bring them, or write it on the RSVP. We didn't want anyone to be lonely at the wedding, and if they had a plus one that they needed to bring, that was fine - we would make the sacrifices needed to accommodate them. But we didn't want to put an open invitation out there, because we knew there were some people who would just see that "plus one" and see that as permission to bring some random friend, dating or not, for "free food". In the end, one person wrote in a guest on their RSVP (turns out she was recently engaged, and we didn't know), and one guest asked if they could bring their serious girlfriend that we didn't know about. The other few single people all know each other and are carpooling together to the wedding as a group. So it worked out for us.

I personally feel he may have a issue of his own dealing with this. I mean as a heterosexual couple my FH and I understand if one may not be invited, it is your day. He is showing his true colors now, so maybe it is best that he does not come or his mate, just my thoughts.

I am with who said that it's not just my day but a celebration with those who you love. I know I am introvert and I love going to events with my FH. You can give me a 5 star dinner and dancing any day doesn't mean I would have fun alone. If he was married you would of had to invite him. I don't think it's fair for people to determine relationships and to basically say your only a couple if you're married. Obviously I am sure you feel like a couple to your FH. I know I planned out each and every person and if we didn't want to cut the wedding size down then we had to make cuts in other ways. Yes, he over-reacted, but he had a right to be hurt.

I'm one of those people who will go to concerts, plays, dinner, the movies and everything in between alone. I love FH but I love my own company too and I agree with Melissa that he might just have an issue of his own, a sort of chip on his shoulder.

I'm one of those brides who feels a little in between. Yes in order to be a gracious hostess I do have to consider the needs of my guest, but overall I feel the wedding day is mine and FH's day and it should ultimately go the way that makes us feel most comfrotable and hopefully that doesn't clash with my guest's desires but if it does, (here's the part I might get slammed for) let them pay to have it exactly how they would like it to be.

Whatever the case may be, I just say do what feels right to you and call it a day.

" I don't think it's fair for people to determine relationships and to basically say your only a couple if you're married"

I don't think this... This was the determining favor FH and I set for our wedding. Not to be crass but we are spending what some may consider a years salary on our wedding and I have no regrets. I hear and understand everyone's point and I especially thank you a who realize that my frustration is from the reaction. There are family members who I am still awaiting resonances from and I am not sure why his needs trump that?

I never heard of etiquette saying that long term relationships= 2 rsvps's. I will admit that if I knew the s.o it may have been an automatic invite. But I really don't. I always read and was told a married couple is the only exception.

For those that feel he should have been offended and not attend.....I ageee because it appears thay I will most likely be able to invite but inhale such a sour taste about this I don't want either there. Not sure how my demeanor will be when I see them... Again in respect everyone's opinion even though I don't agree with all. Please respect my feelings and my next wedding (joke), I will win the lottery and like someone else said plan my guest list better to invite everyone including you all to the wedding. Everyone is different and every wedding I have been to while in a serious long term relationship have had invites for only me and invites for both. I never got offended nor did FH when he wasn't invited..... Why? Because he didn't even know the couple?? But I guess that's just us. Not perfect but I thought I was doing the right thing by explaining the situation and offering an alternative situation when I had a better grasp on my RSVPs. Hot topic I see.... Thanks everyone for all the advice and insight. Kind and not so kind!

Sorry for the typos.... Auto correct is a mess!!!

T

I guess my point is that while you might not be offended, he is. Instead of being upset about his reaction, if you are interested in saving the friendship, it might be good to examine it from his perspective.

If my SO isn't invited, that comes across to me as a judgement call saying that marriages are more valuable than my relationship, especially if it's a committed relationship. From what you've said, that's clearly how he feels. It's not an uncommon feeling to have when people identify as a social unit.

It sounds like he's incorrectly assuming his sexual orientation has something to do with your decision and that's unfair.

I'm not trying to argue whats right and whats wrong, we disagree there, but putting that aside, i t would be a shame for a 10 year friendship to disintegrate over something that can be resolved.

If its a long term relationship I think it's only proper to invite as a unit. I set the limit for all my guests at 6 months, some people set it at one year. I'm on a budget too and I get it sucks. It's not about making unreasonable accommodations for the whims of guests. If they have been in a long term relationship, regardless of orientation or age, they have every reason to expect to be invited as a unite. It's not a plus one, they are a couple. If they (and every guest) have been together for less than what ever time limit you set, then they are invited as just them. You can tell him that you have set this time limit for all guests to keep things equal and keep your guest list under control.

Are other people in the co-workers group allowed to bring their s.o's? If so, that might be why he feels slighted.

@ Monica. The co-workers that are allowed to bring a guest are married. There are also other non married co-workers that had 1 on the RSVP card, notified me that they were bringing a guest when I asked for meal selection and I explained the same thing to them and they were okay with it.

Any update Teriauna?

Any update Teriauna?

I'm a little late to the party, but here is my two cents. When it comes to coworkers, IMO it should be all or none as far as the plus ones. Either everyone gets a date, or no one does. I think it's fair to say no plus ones with coworkers, because, as you mentioned, there are going to be people there that they know. But when some get plus ones, and some do not, married or not, it causes tension.

No. Im over it. I have WAY to many other things going on right now. Just returned to work for a new school year. Gotta get room together, lesson plans, 24 days out from the wedding, etc. guess this is my "growth" area...

First of Congrats to u & ur FH...I have to agree with u. When ur on a budget & cutting cost, u have to do what u have to do. I'm sure that if u could extend an invitation to everyone u would. The reality is everyone can't be invited. The bottom line & what everyone ALWAYS seems to be loosing sight of is its YOUR BIG DAY, NO ONE ELSE'S PERIOD!! You shouldn't have to explain ur actions, or accommodate anybody (unless its a family member). When everything is all said & done ur the one that is going to get the invoice for the balance due. My FH was in a wedding & we had just started dating & I wasn't invited. I didn't take it personal. We are talking about adults, right? Why does he think its appropriate to have a discussion amongst ur bridesmaids about you?? That's not cool. I'm not saying that he's not ur friend, but where is the concern for YOUR feelings? You heard the phrase, weddings & funerals bring out the best & worst in ppl right? I guess ur seeing first hand.

Continuation..... Do what makes u & ur fiancé Happy. Pray on it, I'm sure everything's will work itself out. Good Luck