Losing a friendship over +1??

Teriauna, I think what a lot of us are saying is that often couples are invited with their significant other. I understand where you're coming from (and I think we all do) about numbers. For my wedding I decided to invite couples who were married, engaged or living together. That worked for me. My single friends didn't get a date. Yes, this is your wedding and it is about you and your FH but to exclude his BF could be viewed as a slight even if it wasn't intended that way. I do believe, however, that some gay couples are overly sensitive about this issue (yes, I'm pro gay marriage) and automatically "go there" when their BF/GF isn't included. If he really is a great friend of 10+ years you need to talk it out.

He can opt out. The ONE day that is supposed to be about me anf my fiance' has to be about what my guests need to enjoy sharing my special day? How much more comfortable can you get with a 5 star hotel dinner, open bar, lots of fun and entertainment and a red-carpet balck tie affair? If that's not comfort, I don't know what is......Im just saying

Points well taken. I am gonna pray about it and woosah.......Too blessed to be stressed.

I'm in a similar situation with work girlfriends. Due to budget & space I either had to invite my 4 closest friends or invite 2 plus their SOs. I emailed them all & explained & they all said they'd rather make it a girls' trip. I also promised to accommodate their men when we receive obligatory family declines. I would chat with him again & maybe even let him bring his bf. it might be worth it for the preservation of a comfortable work environment

If they are serious enough to be living together, then they should have been invited as a unit. I really do believe you that it's not because he is gay ... What I'm saying is that everyone in a serious relationship needs to be invited as a couple. You are celebrating love and not letting them bring their love? I just don't think you did your guest list correctly to be honest and I would probably decline this invitation if I was him.

I believe you when you say it's not because he is gay but I can see why he is upset. His handling of the situation is poor though. If a couple is living together then they both should be invited (per Emily Post).

I think also some girls here were trying to explain why he feels the way he does.

And, at the risk of being chastised, I'm going to say the following: Yes, my wedding is not only about me and my fiancee, it's a celebration with my friends. If that means I invite a husband or serious boyfriend that I don't know, I will do it. I don't feel as though I'm bowing down to my guests. If I really want a friend there, and want her/him to have a good time, I will invite their serious s.o. It's a celebration of love, and I would want those who love each other to also be reminded of their love.

"The ONE day that is supposed to be about me and my fiance' has to be about what my guests need to enjoy sharing my special day?"

@Teriauna: Yes. You've chosen to invite guests to your wedding so its no longer just about you and your FH. I don't think its right that he accused you of being biased against his sexuality and is creating drama with the BMs.

But regardless of his sexuality, you knew that he is in a relationship and excluded his partner. I would decline any invitation that excluded my FH and vice versa. And I would be hurt that any friend didn't respect my relationship by excluding my FH.

Edited: grammar

I can see why he's upset but he handled it wrong.

"And, at the risk of being chastised, I'm going to say the following: Yes, my wedding is not only about me and my fiancee, it's a celebration with my friends."

@Erica: Agree completely. An elopement is about the bride and groom only. Once guests are included, it becomes about the guests also. A reception is to thank the people in your life for sharing a momentous occasion with you. Treating them properly is part of that package.

I totally agree with you Teriauna, my hubby and I will only be inviting those who live together and who we actually know. We have quite a few college friends who are coming and are only getting single invites but there will plenty of people they know to hang out with. I understand what your saying that his reaction is whats gotten you upset the most it seems instead of being 'hurt' by your decision he is taking it a step further to bad mouth you to your bridesmaid. Besides the wedding invite that's just a bad friend in my opinion and even if you were able to invite the bf at the last minute your friend might get his revoked because of his behavior. He is being foolish in my opinion and really putting more stress on you than you need right now. In me and my hubby's case if I were to get an invite without him mentioned or without a +1 I just wouldn't attend, there's no reason to cause an uproar and question your integrity. Moral of the Story: It's your wedding! ...Cont

I'm pretty sure you'd rather invite another loved one instead of a friend's +1 and that's all it comes down to. Even if he were to pay for him you don't have to have random a$$ (lol) ppl at your wedding. This is my pet peeve! lol

At this point because of how he reacted afterwards I can see you not wanting to accommodate him in any way. I don't think this is worth losing a friend over, especially if that friend is someone you have to also interact with at work. Because things have gotten a bit nasty since you told him he couldn't bring his BF then it might already be irreparable but hopefully you're able to work something out.

If he is truly a close friend and you're inviting other plus 1's than he should bring a guest.

While I don't believe this applies here, the hardest part with plus ones can be time. You set a budget, pick a venue, and set initial guest counts starting a year or more out. Unless you just give everyone a plus one, you cannot possibly anticipate all dating statuses at the point the invitations are addressed.

What I take from this is that you asked a friend to give you a little time to see if you could add his bf, you never said definitely not. A friend could have at least given you the benefit of the doubt and waited until you had a definitive answer.

I agree this day is about you and your FH and family/friends are there to support that and NOT to make it about them. I am in complete agreement with you Teriauana! Why is the bride ALWAYS asked to be the bigger person?

1) If you haven't done so already, take a few moments to breathe!

2) Regardless of your reasoning, his reaction was uncalled for. He should not be "researching" or talking to your bridesmaids behind your back. He also should not make assumptions about the reasoning and spreading those lies.

3) Even though the ladies here are technically right about ettiquette, it is still your guest list and you can create it in whatever way makes most sense to you. I was planning a pre-wedding event once with just 5 people from each family (aside from parents and us) and the wedding party - no guests for the wedding party. I called them before the invites went out to explain "I know you're married/engaged/etc., but this is our budget and literally no one is getting a +1." They weren't super happy, but they understood. (cont'd...)

Wedding can bring out the worst in even the best of us. I think he's over-reacting.

Sounds like his BF is over reacting too.

I go with the idea of writing him a note, explaining that it has everything to do with budget and not him.

just do your best. it's hard for people to understand why they or significant others aren't invited to things. sometimes hard to understand why they don't 'make the cut'. I understand you being upset about his reaction, but I bet he was just acting out of a lot of feelings and reaction from his bf vs it having anything to do with you personally.

just do what you can.

(...cont'd)

4) Especially since you still have to work with him, I'd let him know that you want to find a time to sit down with him and discuss the situation in depth. If it helps, write down all the points you want to make. Tell him that he is a good friend and you don't want this to sour the friendship. Tell him your reasoning for the decision, and it would probably be good to show him how it applies to others as well, not just himself. Then, I would also tell him how his recent behavior has really hurt you and ask him to stop. Give him time to tell you how he is feeling over the situation as well.

I hope you guys can resolve this!

I know I'm the minority here, but this is how some guests are going to feel. I absolutely believe that significant others should be invited to weddings (not +1s, SOs). When I read your post, to me, it sounds like you are discriminating against them for not being married because it's an option for them.

I would be very hurt if my SO wasn't invited to a wedding, particularly one of a close friend, and I would decline the invite. It would also affect our relationship. It's not a selfish reaction, it's just not the one you expected. You see it as a cost-saving measure, your friend is seeing it as you disrespecting his relationship.

I had to make a lot of tough cuts to my guest lists, even though I'm not crazy about some of the spouses and SO's that made it because I love the other person dearly.