living together before marriage...

Me and FH live together and it has been wonderful! We are learning each others routines, and habits and all that. I would recommend it, but it really is a personal decision. I feel that it does help, but then again, if it's meant to be, you will find ways to work around the "problems?" whether you live together before you get married or not.

I agree with Gershelda -- my fiancee and I live together and have done for the past year. We're not getting married until next year, so it will be about 2 years of living together before we're married (we weren't even engaged until this May!). I find that it's been great getting to know each other under the same roof first - you get to know each other's quirks - and REALLY see each other in good times and bad. There's no hiding when you're in a bad mood or having a bad hair day! ;-) It definitely deepens your understanding of who each other are and opens up another level of communication. But, it is definitely something that is a personal choice. My brother & his new wife waited to live together until after they were married earlier this year - and, I must say that there is something very sweet & romantic about it - watching them grow together and learn so much about each other now. So, I don't know if there really is a 'right' answer - just what is right for you!

Honestly, living with my FH is what sealed the deal. I knew we had a great relationship, but then seeing it work on a daily in-and-out kind of basis instead of only on dates where we could prepare to be at our best really drove it home that he was the one for me.

We lived together before we were married and i wouldn't have it any other way

It just made more sense to us to live together since we were having a baby. We've been living like this for a little more than a year now. My dad didn't exactly approve but he did the same thing so he has no room to talk. Plus, he don't pay my bills. Anyway, I can't see us living apart though. Its a personal choice. Some people will say its not good to shack up but it works for some people. For others, they might find their partner offensive or something after living together and decide that this isn't the right person for them. Better to find out before the marriage than after. Like rigth now, my fiance and I r going through some things. We have a chance to work through these things before the big day.

My FH just moved in like 2 weeks ago. We have had a long distance relationship for 2 and a half yrs. We just thought it would be best to stay apart because he was still able to "date" me. Then once we got in engaged in November he started looking for jobs near me because I own my home and can't move. He finally got a job 2 weeks ago and I LOVE having him in the house full time now. It's great knowing that he doesn't have to get up at 5 am on Monday to get to work every week. I know that he loves it too. Plus I wanna get all the arugments about cleaning out now. I like a clean house and he is SO messy!! So we are working on that. But I'm glad that we did it this way I kind of had it both ways.

We have lived together for 2 and a half years and I couldnt be happier with our decision... we got to work out all our kinks, figure out one another's pet peves and bad habits and we have been able to work through those... not that I think we wouldnt be able to AFTER marriage, but I am definitely happy we got it out of the way before hand!!!

We have lived together for about 2 years we were together for a year before we moved in, and other than sharing some bills not to much changed. Even before we lived together we were over at each others houses all the time so it was a huge change, although the only thing i can say is if either of u is hiding anything, you wont be anymore.

I think that this should be seriously considered before getting married. Knowing the habits, traits, smells, cleaning, interactions with others, how they handle themselves and their household is something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. There is a generation gap which is closing of the baby boomers to which this was a taboo situation. This is seemingly normal nowadays. And if you're saving for the wedding, it makes sense to not be paying rent or two mortgages! As women wait till they are older to wed, I'm finding that couples even have purchased a home together before actually marrying. This is probably why it seems that more and more people are getting cash nowadays as wedding gifts since the households have already merged and you don't need the pots/pans, aprons, blah blah. Very few weddings I've shot recently have I seen many gifts on the gift table.

My FH and I have lived together for the last 10 months. I definitely think that if we hadn't been living with each other we wouldn't be engaged right now because we wouldn't know how compatible we are with one another. It has been great because we know what to expect after we get married.

Research studies show that couples who live together before getting married are more likely to get divorced than those who don't move in together until marriage, and report lower satisfaction in their marriages. Those who cohabited (43.1%) reported lower marital satisfaction, dedication, and confidence as well as more negative communication and greater potential for divorce. About 19 percent of those who cohabited had seriously considered divorce compared with only 10 percent of participants who did not cohabit prior to marriage.

70% of US couples are cohabiting before marrying: 60% gave spending more time together as the reason for cohabiting, with 19% saying "it made most sense financially," and 14% saying they were testing the relationship. Couples who listed "testing" as the primary cohabitation reason were more likely than others to score high on measures of negative communication, such as, "My partner criticizes or belittles my opinions, feelings, or desires."

More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.

Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.

Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.

A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.

I lived with my first husband after we got engaged and got cold feet but too afraid to break it off. We were divorced in less than 3 years. This time around I'm going to play it safe with the statistics and not live with my FI before we are married. Numbers can be manipulated but there is just too much research out there showing a negative impact of living together.

HUmm interesting. I veiw stats like I do superstitions, they only come true IF you believe in them. I feel that the relationship, whether you live together or not before marriage, has everything to do with respect for each other, communciation, trust, concideration for each other, and most important, the level of love you have for each other. If a man (or woman) doesn't respect, trust, love have concideration for their future spouse before they get married, they aren't gonna hve it after they get married. I've been married twice before, and both of my ex's belittled me, disrespected me, did not trust me BEFORE we live together and got married. I didn't live with my first husband before we got married but he didn't hesitate to knock crap out of me when the mood hit him. I did with my second husband, and he didn't hesitate to put me down every chance he got. Stats are just a numbers game that keeps people employed and waste my tax money. Most of these studies are controlled anyway

With a certain age group, race, ethnic background, etc. They do not represent the majority of couples. Just my opinion, though.

Me and my FH have lived togethr for 3 years now, and I'm glad we did before we're getting married, I'm now used to him, and some of his slightly annoying habits! And I'm sure he has gotten used to some of my habits, and, if I remember correctly, it took awhile to get used to living together, even though I stayed there pretty much every night before I moved in. I so highly reccomend it to couples. You don't have to sleep in the same room/bed if you're waiting till the wedding night, My one friend bought a house and asked his FH to move in, and they were waiting, sna she had her own bedroom.

I love that gershelda. I too view stats like superstitions. They never say how long the couple has been together or the individual personalities of the people. Or better why they decided to get married in the first place. There are TONS of things that are not concidered in those stats that could contribute to the divorce more then just living together prior. For me and my FH it was the only option. He buts heads with his mother so much that he needed out and us moving in together was what saved our relationship. We have also been together for 6 years now. Some of those stats might have the 18yo who moved in with her boyfirend of 3 months and got married after less then a year. That seems like more of a possible divorce issue then moving in together does. I HATE stat's just for this reason. So many take them as FACT. Without the underlining facts, what are STATS.... Just BS numbers designed to scare people. I also believe personal space is a big part of moving in together also

Without respect of the others personal space, you will start to go crazy and feel a decrease in the quality of a relationship.

I agree with you Gershelda. I think if you dont live together you may not know your FH the way you would if you lived together. When your completely comfortable with someone your a different person as what you would be just dating and going home. Another thing to think about is knowing habits I understand if your meant to be your meant to be but having a messy husband is going to cause some arguing. Knowing your husbands habits to me is good.

I would not have it any other way. We have lived together for almost 3 years and have learned so much about him. I dont think there is any way to determine if your going to get a divorce based of living together before marrying, everyone is different you could want it more then the people they studied. I would never listen to statistics, when it comes to this sort of thing.

My FI and i have been living together for about a year and 6 months. it's been amazing, definately worth it to live together. i agree with some of the other ladies, living together means learning more about each other, for some thats good for others its bad. besides if you cant get along living together when you're not married, imaginge how its going to be when you are.

I took a family studies class and as sad but true as it is those stats are correct. However, the way my teacher explained it was interesting-- those who live together before marriage tend to be more liberal (at least in the sense of marriage) and therefore are more open to divorce if things go wrong...... she also mentioned that if you are in a committed relationship (aka--engaged) that so she didn't belive that the statistic applied. To her, being engaged was the same as being married without the paperwork.....

so I'm not totally sure what I believe....... it's hard to ignore the statistics but at the same time I agree with what she said about being engaged and living together. I have been living with my fiance over semester breaks--partially b/c I didn't have anywhere else to go--so I guess we would fit into the living together category. I say do whatever makes you happy!