living together before marriage...

There's got to be more at play involved in those failed marriage statistics for couples that co-habitate before marriage. There are so many other factors to consider.

I don't think that living together is the cause of divorce. Temperament, communication, maturity... so many other things will do that.

Living together really gives you a chance to get to know each other and work out all those little kinks that can rock the boat.

The study I pulled many of the stats from is from 2009 and the other was 2005. I'm glad this has sparked some interesting discussion. In the end they are just statistics and never perfectly tell the whole story, but they do tell a story. Other interesting statistics:

-People who text while driving are 5 times more likely to get into an accident.

-Individuals who are obese have a 10-50% increased risk of death from all causes compared with healthy weight individuals.

-People who regularly skip breakfast are 4.5 times higher risk of obesity as those who regularly consumed breakfast.

-Teenage girls with a Blood Alcohol level of .05-.10 are a staggering 54 times more likely to suffer a single vehicle crash than their non-drinking counterparts.

-Numerous studies have found that men who are married tend to live longer, healthier lives than do single men.

I love this thread and I love that everyone shares without judging or bashing. I too live with my fiance. I live in Texas and my family is conservative and traditional so us living together did NOT go over well and people tried to talk me out of it but I didn't listen...and I'm glad I didn't!! =)I believe that life is a journey and mine is different from anyone elses and I want to live on purpose and by my heart and not what people force on me be it dictated by society, tradition, religion or whatever. My mom stayed married to my abusive, ridiculous excuse for a father because 'that's what you're supposed to do' once you get married. She passed away in 2005 from cancer but we got to have a lot of talks as her disease progressed and she told me she regretted having 'wasted so many good years' on him but that she was grateful for her kids.When I draw my last breath, I want to have done it my way! I agree w/ Gershelda 1000%. And wowjunkie too, living with my fiance sealed the deal! =)

And like Gershelda said, the foundation is what's key...not someting arbitrary like whether or not you lived together. My mom didn't live with my dad before marriage...but what she found out afterwards was that he was neglectful and abusive! Relationships are hard work and rewarding...if both are working hard on it, whether you lived together before or not, and there is mutual respect, etc. You can make it. Good luck!!

Well said!

I do like that we can share freely and openly here with out be judged one way or another.

thanks ladies for keeping this a friendly site with what could be such a contoversal (sp?) discussion :]

I personally think it's cool to do your own thang, but since we're talking about statistics here, I just had to throw it out there. I hate it when people throw out the divorce statistic like it's set in stone. They way people use it, it's like on your wedding day you're standing up at the alter staring at each other just thinking "Well, we'll see. 50/50 shot, right?!?" You can actually control whether or not your marriage is successful, for the most part (obviously you can't control your spouses behavior, but you can pick one whose behavior is in line with what you need in a spouse). The success of your marriage depends on how you react to things! NOT on statistics! Gershelda brought up that people go into marriages thinking it's just a temporary state, and that effects how long you'll be together, not just the fact that you're married! I'm sorry, but when people find out how old I am they throw it out like it's inevitable when it isn't. (cont'd)

We actually have control over the situation - it isn't genetic! I've just heard people make these statements and throw these statistics out and if you truly believe that it's all up to fate and you can't do anything to fix it, then those will be the results you reap.

I also love that we can have such vastly different opinions in this thread and that everyone is so respectful to each other. This kind of debating is always so interesting

Its nice to actually UNDERSTAND the other views. I have only ever gotten hate or "just because" kind of answers. LOL

My FH and I live together. We've had our moments, but it's been great for the most part. We both keep things neat and clean and he is a cook so that is always a plus. Of course if we lived apart, I'd probably weigh a lot less, lol.

Well living together is not for me. Not only because I just want to be married before I live with someone. But I've seen so many people burned by doing things "backwards". We've spent enough time together that we pretty much know each other's habits. My friend keeps asking me when we're going to merge b/c the wedding will be here soon. I'm trying to figure out what the rush is. We have the rest of our lives together to move all of our stuff into one home. Surely we don't expect it to take that long but seriously I don't understand why folks think we should be all moved in together BEFORE the wedding. More importantly why can't they just accept our decision to not cohabitate. He wanted to set up an account for us to put money aside for our wedding and I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

What happened to the response i typed in here? is the thread too old?

I know I am posting on an old thread but I stumbled upon this while googleing something for my sociology class. I am all for living together before marriage, me and my girlfriend (there are no plans for marriage at this time) have lived together for about 3.5 years. Now when we do decide to get married we are not jumping into it with out knowing how each other functions at home, and if there were something I just could not stand about her, I wouldn't have needed a lawyer involved to separate. But instead when we do get married the only thing different will be how we file taxes and a piece of paper. Now on those studies what I would like to know is if they take into account the amount of time the couple lived together before marriage in the length of time till divorce? Seeing as a married couples time starts then. With the divorce rate at ~40-50% here in the states, just as many couples who married before moving in are getting divorced. What that study does not take into account is....

How many couples moved in together and realized that there is no way in hell it would have worked and separated before marriage, instead of getting married and then realizing it. I love my girlfriend to death and am anxiously awaiting our first child (due in December). And I am truly glad we lived together first. We were able to slowly work into joint finances, joint purchases, and joint just about everything else. But in the end it all boils down to what YOU believe is right for YOU. Sorry about my thoughts bouncing around just typed what came to me.

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I also love that we can have such vastly different opinions in this thread and that everyone is so respectful elrdar.com to each other. This kind of debating is yalla-shoot always so interesting