living together before marriage...

Agreed, Almost Mrs. D. Stats can be useful, but also VERY misleading! Just because cohabitation is correlated (apparently! Where do people get these stats?) with divorce, doesn't mean cohabitation causes divorce - the rule is called "correlation does not imply causation". For example, consider the fact that ice cream sales increase in the summer months, and drownings also increase during those same months. Can i now conclude that ice cream causes drowning? No! These two factors are both affected by a third, unrelated variable - heat.

The same goes for cohabitation and divorce. Mrs. D mentioned some possible 3rd factors, such as the people who do cohabit are DIFFERENT people than those who do not, and thus there are INFINITE demographic confounding variables to consider. These people may be more likely to be open to divorce, as stated by Mrs. D, also these stats are from some kind of survey i suppose? Where was it performed? cont.

Me and my FH have dated on and off since high school, but just recently moved in together within the past couple months, and I would have to say, I'm glad we did, because there is things, of course, that I dont like about him, but nothing we can't work out.. it's minor, but it's good for me/him to know what I do and dont like, as well as him.. (can't stand for my shower curtain not to be pulled or anything in my bathroom to be out of place but he still does it after being told "SEVERAL" time), but were working on it...lol I think we made the right choice so all the kinks could be worked out before hand!!

People from different regions have different habits, divorce laws, customs, and beliefs. etc.etc. !!

Studies that merely sample field data (i.e. do not perform controlled, manipulated experiments in a lab) are conjecture at best, and CANNOT prove causation.

Sorry to get on my high horse, but it would be terrible for anyone to feel bad about their decisions based on fallacious assumptions.

Personally I could ever marry someone w/o living with them. i have lived w/several men over the years, and I feel that I learned so much more about them as men, and about us as a couple. (ONe I even planned on marrying untill we lived together, just NOT compatable!) But everyone is different. It would have been sweet if our wedding night was our first ngiht together, BUT I would not give up our years living together and experiences co-habitating for ANYTHING in the world! I think every one is differnt and customs and beliefs play a large part in this for a lot of people. I think that the relationship is te most important thing and as long as that is strong and you truly know each other then it will all be okay. Personally I would definitly suggest some sort of pre-marital counceling if you have not lived together just to prepare yourselves and be on the same ground.

With 70% of the US choosing to cohabit before getting married I knew my post would be in the minority. The question was posed as to what people were doing and why. I thought it was an important enough topic to share some information from well-respected university research which I tried to do without judgement (many of my friends cohabitate and I pass absolutely no judgement on that decision). As I said, statistics can be manipulated. There is no causation and SOOO many other factors intersect. Each individual has to make their own choice and decide what they think the think the important factors are and this was just something as food for thought. More than half of marriages in this country fail (and I fall into that category)and the statistics on the success of second marriages are horrendous (67% end in divorce) but I wouldn't be getting remarried if I only believed in statistics. Thanks to everyone for not beating me up for sharing some research data to think about.

I was about to say the same thing as Almost Mrs. Deslauriers. I am currently taking a developmental psych class and learned the same stats. HOWEVER my professor and our text explained it the same way. Couples who live together before marriage are typically more liberal and more open to divorce. I believe it's a personal choice. The marriage could work or not work regardless. I personally know several couples who lived together before marriage who have stayed married longer than 10 year and I know many couples who did not live together before marriage who got a divorce. Putting living together aside I think couples get into trouble if they do not have a strong foundation and do not communicate and compromise.

A strong foundation is the absolute key. With out it no matter what you do you are bound to end in failure. I feel like I am totally against stats mainly because my FH is a child of divorce (parents got married only because she got pregnent) his best friend is a child of divorce (father cheated b4 marriage so guess what happened after) So my FH has been surrounded my divorce his entire life and he sees stats like this and takes them for 100% fact. I finally got him to see the variables and the red flags in his parents and friends parents marriage. I then asked him if he saw any red flags in our relationship and he thought about it for 2 days and came back with nothing, only minor differences of oppinion that we agree are minor and have no effect on our relationship. Maybe those stats held more ground when only liberals lived together but in todays world people are getting married later, are more settled... things change and so do stats.

Wooo!! go southerngirl!! sorry i too agree with her. again, its our own opinion, and i stand firm on this one.

I'm a little confused: It is your opinion that it isn't right to live together, or that cohabitation leads to divorce?

i strongly believe that your dating vs. engaged vs. married life should look different from eachother and if it doesnt whats the point?

if you're already living together how is that any different from being married? is there any difference from one to the other, other then a piece of paper? aka marriage license?

This is a personal decision. My FI and I have lived together for 4 years. We moved in together after 3 months, and bought our home before becoming engaged. I am a child of divorced parents. I think statistics neglect to account for the individuals' state of mind. While we've always done what felt right and natural to us, we have also been fully committed to one another for quite some time. Commitment doesn't require vows or a ring, and isn't that the point of marriage? Also, while we may be liberal in some views, we are NOT open to divorce. If that was an option in our minds, we wouldn't be getting married. So, it depends on the people. For us, living together has worked out wonderfully...At first we shared an apartment but kept separate bank accounts. When we bought our home we merged finances. Now we've worked out the home responsibilities, finances, how to deal with each others habits, and know we LIKE seeing one another every day I wouldn't want it any other way.

And yes i also agree with the fact, not opinion, but the fact the cohabitation has higher divorce rates

Just reading an journal article that describes research on many factors that make a breakup of a marriage more likely:

race: "Asian women are least likely to experience first marital disruption"

income: "higher martial disruption probabilities for women living in communities with high male unemployment, low median income etc."

parents: "women raised by both parents are less likely to experience the breakup of their first marriage"

women with anxiety or those in interracial marriages are also more likely to experience the breakup of their first marriage, also.

article:

http://scholar.google.ca/scholar?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&hs=uSX&q=author:"Bramlett" intitle:"Cohabitation, marriage, divorce, and remarriage in the ..." &um=1&ie=UTF-8&oi=scholarr

I mean, you could take ANYONE and find a reason why their choices or demographic background make them more likely to divorce. So to each, her own.

But that it CAUSES divorce?

correlation does not imply causation!

The thing about that is you have no control over being asain or having both parents gowing up or where you grow up in terms to income.

you do however have control over the decisions you make to live together or not.

True!

I'm not sure what to think about the cohabitation thing, really. I'm living with my fiance, and have been for about 8 months - but we've been engaged and committed to getting married the whole time. I consider myself already married in all aspects of our relationship (without the paperwork).

Reading up about cohabitation just now is intriguing - I'm in psychology and am very interested in this sort of stuff! After reading about these stats, I still wouldn't change my personal decision, but I'm questioning the way I think about cohabitation in general. Thanks for posting your views and info!

But that just shows that the choice to live together has almost nothing to do with it if you are lets say hispanic living in a low income neighborhood with a high unemployement rate your doomed to fail according to the statistics. Same if you are asian, catholic and live in a high income neighborhood raised by both parents you are good wether you live together first or not. I think what most of us are trying to say is that the stats are flawed. There are too many things to take into account to attach a number to it. In my oppinion someone who gets married that has only dated 6 months is more like to divorce then one dating 6 years. Same with people who get married because something is forcing them rather then them just wanting too. That study was done in the 90's & is over 10 years old. A lot changes. People can do what ever they want but I dont think that doing something or not doing something is going to change any divorce probability. Its how willing are you to work it out.

My opinion on this is: You NEVER know someone until you live with them. I really don't understand the old idea of not living with someone until marriage...personally i think its a bad idea. Its like buying a car and not test driving it first! ;p

I think people just need to make the decision of living together by going by what they will think will work best..And I agree with Celtic Chic, It really depends on how hard you want to work to make things right/better to stay together, I have always wondered what the divorce rate would be if it was a LAW EVERYWHERE to take pre-maritail counsilling (sp?) AND if a husband/wife filed divorce, they HAD to take counsilling again (as individuals and couples)?

Also, my thinking is, if you go into marrieage, with the thoughts that if it doesn't "Fit" or if you get mad, you can always leave, or get divorced, then your relationship is doomed to begin with. Marriage is work, and hard work at that. It's about compromising, giving in at times, letting the other 'have their way' when you really want things your way. It's about making your spouse the happiest they've ever been, although that isn't gonna happen everytime, it's what we (both partners) should strive for. Stats can be helpful, but that are not absolute. It's how much you love each other and how hard you are willing to work things out that will either make or break your marriage.