Letting Guests Pay at the Engagement Party or Not?

Your engagement party is not a dinner show. You're hosting, you pay. Simple as that.

What if you have it at your house or a family members house.. And have it catered. Doesn't have to be fancy. Like a bbq or something people like food they won't care!

You don't have to have an engagement party. If you do, your guests should not be paying.

Yes you have to pay for it.

^^^What Laura Marie said...

Speaking of etiquette, why are you hosting your engagement party at all?

You do know that you don't even have to have an engagement party, right? A lot of us first time brides never had one, and it's not a big deal.

They are traditionally thrown for the engaged couple, not by them, which is why we never had one.

But yes, if you throw your own party, you need to feed people.

I would seriously consider just skipping it altogether, especially if money is tight, so you can start saving for your wedding itself.

If you just want to have a gathering anyway, go to a park or use your backyard while it's still nice out.

Have something catered in or get party platters from Costco even, but it'll still cost more than not having it at all, and won't be as bad as asking them to pay.

An engagement party is like a shower. You do not host it your self. If no one offers to throw you one then you don't have one. If you want to celebrate with family and friends go to a bar for drinks people will assume it's on them if they are just meeting you out somewhere.

You will absolutely come off as rude, and you can't sugar-coat or disguise rudeness. People know it when they see it. Take the advice given and save yourself the embarrassment that is sure to follow such an ill-conceived plan. Your guests will not appreciate being invited to a self-hosted engagement party in which they are handed a bill for dinner. They will talk about this amongst themselves, and they will definitely wonder what you were thinking (maybe not all of them, but quite a few of them). Please, rethink this. It's just a terrible idea, and the theory that "these days people don't follow etiquette and do their own thing" isn't going to make your guests feel any less irritated as they're pulling out their credit cards to pay for a party you threw for yourselves.

I'm not trying to hurt or offend you. I'm saying this in the strongest terms possible because I really want your guests to look forward to attending your wedding without a bad taste in their mouths.

Your guests come to an engagement party to celebrate with you, not for a free meal. I see no problem with dinner and drinks with friends and everyone picking up their own tab - everyone knows how expensive your upcoming wedding will already be.

What if you did it later and payed for appetizers? as you invited these people to join you there should be something offered. the only engagement party i went to was hosted by the couple and i didn't see an issue with that.

it was a little later in the night so they payed for some apps and guests payed for their drinks. As a guest you don't need to bring a gift to an engagement party so that it why i do not have an issue with the couple hosting.

I would say no to this idea. It seems to be in bad taste. Others have already said that you don't usually throw yourself an engagement party so I won't reiterate on that. What if you didn't invite all 50 people that will be at the wedding? What if you just invite people that you are close to and that don't live out of town? Or even members of the BP and close family/friends to celebrate? Just a suggestion...

If you're having a party, you need to pay. An engagement party isn't required, and you really shouldn't be hosting it yourself anyway. Plus 50 guests seems excessive. I would either cut the party, cut the guest list, or have a more casual party with cheaper food.

Engagement parties are unnecessary, skip it

Not necessary. Doesn't need to be extravagant.

We barely had one. My now MOH broke into our house and set up some balloons and decorations, got some bottles of champagne and our closest friends and waited for us to come home from dinner to surprise us. Then we all played Mario Kart until 2 am. It was the best.

I'm only saying that to reiterate the point that you don't need to have a fancy dinner, and you really shouldn't be hosting it yourself anyway. If you want to celebrate it, I get it. Just invite a few friends out and hit the bar or have a BBQ or something.

I think the ladies did a good job covering why not to do this.

Engagement parties are not necessary, also I believe they are generally hosted by one (or both) of the parents of the couple - if there is a party.

Dont have one if you cant afford it, pretty simple.

Do a more casual party at your house- have a BBQ or do it later in the evening and just have some apps and dips. The weather is nice right now that you could do it outside if you don't have a lot of space. If you live in an apartment, does your building have a community room you could use?

If you don't have one, you won't be the only one-- I can assure you. I have just two people in my BP- my SIL and F-stepdaughter... so we aren't having one and I'm not having a bridal party either. We are still discussing bachelorette at the moment. Anyway, it's not something you absolutely have to do. Feel free to put that money toward the wedding instead since weddings are usually pricey.

My cousins hosted an engagement party at a local pub and rented out a sectioned off area and just had platters of appetizers for people. It was much cheaper than paying for everyone's meals and it also makes it easier on the kitchen. Or a backyard BBQ or something like that would be inexpensive and fun for people.