Is it wrong to ask for money instead of gifts for your wedding?

And honestly Carmen, why would you want to encourage someone to be rude to their guests? I think we should be honest. I appreciate the other ladies who said they would be offended by this. Because that's what her guests will think, too. I'd rather hear these responses from strangers on the internet than have my great-aunts think I'm rude, but not tell me to my face.

Also, everyone KNOWS money is a welcome wedding gift already. They don't need to be told. Many people like to give money at weddings. But some want to give traditional gifts.

Its really funny that this is SUCH a big thing here - and that people truely feel that its rude - to give gifts or for young couples to ask for gifts. It seems to only be this way here, too

I was talking to a co-worker today and he told me in his culture the attendees of the wedding PAY for the entire wedding AND give the couple enough in cash & gifts to buy a home and start to furnish it. He said that in his culture they (family, friends, neighbors) are excited to see someone get married and start a new family. They want to help to take away as many burdens as they can so the couple get a positive start in their new life.

FH and I are both in mid 30's. I've been married before and we each had our own houses before he moved into mine. Personally, I have no problem asking for cash... but thats just me. And I basically have done so on our website... but in asking for gift cards for places that we shop frequently. My mom is also helping to spread the word about the gift cards.

I'm sure that his side of the family will give a gift of some sort. My family... they're easy... they'd give cash & gift cards with no problem. Our friends... who knows.

@MrsJoseph: But that's not OUR culture. In the Ottoman Empire a wedding lasted for a week and the bride's family spent a LOT of money on it. Basically invited the entire town. AND they had to give the bride a dowry. (For her - not her husband's family) which was also very expensive. That wouldn't be something people would consider doing now. Just like red dresses are popular for weddings in China, but most brides in the US don't wear them. If you are going to go outside your culture for something, then yeah, people will think it is weird, awkward, or at worst, rude.

I dont think theres anything wrong with asking for cash as long as you know your guests. i would actually prefer giving money to people then having to go search high and low for the items on the registry.

hp- every shower invitation i got has had registry information. its not rude at all and is very helpful.

People will definitely give you what they afford, no matter how much you spent on your wedding or on the meal, alcohol, or decor.......

I would register at Bed Bath & Beyond or Crate and Barrel for a few things. Those places also give you cash back for items, gift cards, I believe.

Macy's also is a good choice, but you'll just get credit. Still, there must be a few things that you need to upgrade.

If you spread the word through your parents, bridal party, and all of your close friends, that what you really need is cash....you will be surprised how much cash you do get....In addition, when your guests attend your wedding and they see everyone else giving you envelopes in the wedding box and they haven't brought you a gift yet (since they do technically have a year to give it to you--bizarre tradition if you ask me!), they will most likely give you cash or send you a check later. It happens.

Also if you have a honeymoon fund registry, that helps...then people will know that you need cash.....everyone else will just give you what they want and can afford--bottom line.

I think that it all depends on YOUR guests... I don't feel there is a set rule that you have to abide, regardless of what "etiquette" says. I know my family and friends would NOT be offended. You're not forcing anyone to do anything, you're just giving them ideas. If my guests didn't want to give me money or anything off my registry, they're not gonna NOT attend my wedding because of that... they will just completely ignore the registry and get me what they wanna get me which is completely fine. But that's MY guests, and everyone is different. So definitely, just go with your gut.

I think that honesty is the best policy. My FH and I have also been living together for a while, but we didn't want to out right ask for cash as it is rude. We wrote this on our website. "The best gift (bride) and (groom) could ask of you is your presence at their wedding! However, for those who feel compelled to send a token of your esteem in addition to being with them on their special day, (bride) and (groom) would invite you to join in making the beginning of their lives together a dream come true with a monetary contribution or with any of the registry items. Thank you!" We also included a link to where we registered - Bed, Bath and Beyond!

While gift giving is customary with weddings, gifts are not mandatory... and therefore not to be expected. Listing registry information, monetary or not, on an invitation is a big breech of etiquette. It implies that you expect your guests to give a gift. Asking for money is a bigger breach of etiquette... and more rude.

That said, I fully understand brides in a position of having a full house who don't expect gifts, but know that they will be given anyway. I would much rather receive something useful than something not. Which is why we broke down and registered, but are making people ask us for the info.

I think setting up a honeyfund or some other cash gift site is fine if normal gift etiquette is followed... meaning that the info is NOT included with your invites and is shared by word of mouth.

And I have yet to see a poem about giving money that I would not feel offended to receive.

Oh, and Octoberbride, I think it is fine to include registry info on a wedding shower invitation... just not a wedding invite. After all, the purpose of a shower IS to give gifts. Just wanted to make a distinction because I noticed that your post referenced shower invites.

Personally I've never been offended by honeymoon registries but some people are, it might be good to offer a choice, that way people that want to buy a gift, can, and those that don't care and would rather give someone what they want, can give money.

I agree not to put the registry info on the invitation; that's what the wedding website is for. but i'm all for making it as easy as possible and i'd rather just use a non-traditional registry. that way it's there, people can use it or not just like they would any other registry, and we don't have to worry about telling people to spread the word or give us the right gift cards...seems like a lot of work. we found a site we really like to do our honeymoon registry (though you can pretty much register for anything with them). it's called depositagift.com we've had a stellar experience so far and my fiance loves it too b/c it is so easy (they have pre-made registries)--i think someone above mentioned something about their fiance not wanting to deal with exhausting registry stuff. totally get it, and deposit a gift was a great remedy for that. i swear, i think it's our best find yet! (well, except each other, of course...cheeeeezzzzz, i know!)

I don't understand why people are so offended when the newlyweds want cash and not gifts? What's such a big deal? Its ok to ask for gifts but not for cash?

My biggest wish is to get only cash (my friends know me well enough and they would never even think to get us anything else. Its just very common in my social circle). I could care less about getting new toaster or upgrading something. I'll do that when I feel like it, but I'd much rather use the cash to recoup some cost of the wedding, pay back my parents or go to Hawaii. Seriously. I would never get offended if someone told me the bride/groom really want just cash. Less trouble for me too as a guest - just write the check, and be merry on their big day.

To answer the question - yeah it is considered wrong to ask for cash. I am still struggling with the "why".

Ditto on Deposit a Gift. best-registry-ever. totally solves the dilemma of this entire thread. it's not wrong to ask for money, it's all how you go about it (b/c 'technically' you're not supposed to 'ask' for any gifts). if you register for the money via honeymoon or new home registry, or whatever-you-want-it-to-be registry, it's a whole different story. and this site rocks. easy. pretty. feels just like a real present. even my mom likes it.

Perhaps its because cash is so specific and impersonal. I guess its the equivalent of telling someone to attend your event and dictating that they also bring a 5 speed blender from a particular company. It comes across as greedy and leaves no room for the gift giver to experience any of the pleasures of choosing a gift from the heart.

Registries, at least, give people options.

Its ok to ask for gifts but not for cash?

Nope, it's not okay to ask for anything. No gifts, no cash, no honeymoons.

Because the "social wedding gods" says so. I mean, really. While I won't put anything on my invite (that was a fight with fh AND fsil) I really don't think its bad. Cause I'm paying for this myself.

AND half these people I DON'T KNOW. The other half that I do know? Didn't want to invite half of them! SO, here I am stuck with TONS of people that FIL's and my mom & dad says I HAVE to invite (though I haven't seen/spoken to cousin T in over a year & cousin D got married w/out inviting me nor have I spoken to him in OVER 10 YEARS). And I'm susposed to be worried that they'll be offended...yeah, I guess. To be honest, I'd rather they get offended and NOT COME. So I don't have to PAY FOR THEM. Cause this money COULD go to a house...not to feed their fat faces.

LOL - Dang, I sound bitter...

@MrsJoseph - I feel ya! My FMIL wants to invite a bunch of cousins that didn't even bother to acknowledge me and my fiance at a recent family gathering. He waved to them, said hi, they smiled and went away....And we are supposed to PAY for them now on our wedding? ARRRRGH

@HPFanatic - well OK you don't ASK for gifts but it is kinda expected of guests to bring something (not that I personally care if they do or not but thats what etiquette disctates). And honestly I don't see how its offensive if bride and groom care more for the cash and not a blender :-)

@Jessy D. - I agree. Cash is impersonal etc but at the same time when I go somewhere I think firstly about the gift recepient and what will be most beneficial for them. And sadly in these economic times most people do need the cash over new pots and pans. I mean people have small budgets to pull off a wedding and I think cash gift is what will really make difference. CONT