Is It Tacky to Ask for Money instead of Gifts?

Hands down, YES, it is tacky and rude. (My opinion is not mixed, lol.) Guests bring gifts voluntarily, and it is 100% their choice what they choose and how much they spend. Really, there is just no tactful way to say 'we don't want anything you'd pick out for us, so just give us cash'. If you ask for money specifically in lieu of other gifts, that's essentially what you're saying. In short, you can provide a list of suggestions (a registry) that people can consult if they so choose, but you can't tell someone what to give you as a gift.

Best way to give the hint tactfully is to have a limited registry. We had a lot of lower cost kitchen stuff (individual dishes that cost $12-18 each, utensils, tools, etc.), and most of it was not purchased. The vast majority of our guests gave us money anyway. It's more convenient for most people to write a check than to go shopping anyway, so no need to push.

Also, people who know you and hear through the grapevine that you are in the market for a new home will know that you would most appreciate money. It's still their prerogative to choose something else.

Ditto J&R. People already know cash is a welcome gift. No need to ask for it. And you run the risk of offending people. I always give cash at weddings, which goes in the card envelope, which goes in the card box. No need for a giant wishing well. I'm not easily offended, but I'd side-eye a ginormous wishing well.

If I were you I would create a small registry of classics you could use in any home (nice white sheets, good knives, a matching set of pyrex) or go with a registry where you can add more variety, like Amazon or REI. It's totally fine to register for things like camping gear or luggage that you'll use together, it doesn't always have to be housewares.

Then if someone asks where you're registered, you can say, "Thanks for asking! We have a small registry at Crate and Barrel, we're really focused on saving for a house right now" or some variation of that.

Good luck!

Thanks for the opinions! I'm still thinking of doing the wishing well and maybe somehow mentioning that if they choose a gift that is ok too. Personally, I've attended lots of weddings and it's wayyyy easier to give money than go out and figure out what the couple is registered for and go to the store and buy it. I know most my side of the family will give money, I guess I just need to talk to my FH so he can pass the word along to his side

If this is at all helpful, we ended up using MyRegistry.com so we could list things from wherever we wanted to. (No problem since it was all available online.) So you don't just have to choose 100 items from one store; you can choose things all over that you would actually appreciate. There *is* an option to list your request for cash gifts, but per the advice above, I really wouldn't do it. Asking someone to use their credit card to send money to your paypal account (a) makes giving you a gift feel like paying a bill, and (b) reduces the giver's gift by, what is it now, 3-5%, that Paypal takes off the top - essentially a transaction fee for a gift, which REALLY makes it feel like paying a bill. Bleah.

The website also allows you to send your registry as a holiday card, so don't think that just because they have the function that it's not tacky and rude. In a holiday card - can you imagine?

It's tacky to ask for ANY gift, money or a physical gift.

I would side-eye a giant wishing well, too. Seems like you're expecting a LOT from your guests.

Absolutely unacceptable... i'm not sure what is considered worse than tacky, but asking for money qualifies for it.

Yes. Extremely. Let your bridal party and parent sknow that you'd truly appreciate cash, and if a guest asks, they can inform them.

Don't mention any type of gift. If you create a website, you can have a link to your registry on the website. And if people ask you, you can answer them. But otherwise, don't mention it. At all.

I think the wishing well idea is okay if it's just for wishes that people write on paper....like an advice tree or something. I've seen that in lieu of a traditional guest book, although usually the container is a pretty glass urn or something.

I think it's just the visual of the big wishing well, it gives the impression you're expecting people to throw in money from their pockets. Which (I hope!) isn't what you're really trying to accomplish.

Yes, Yes, Yes and ummm hell yes it's tacky!! Guests do not have to give any gift at all so to request cash is just not acceptable!

Why do you ask for opinions if you are going to ignore them?

The well reminds me of something at a baby shower. Not sure why.

You don't have to ask for cash, people already know it's a wedding. They'll more than likely bring you cash anyway.

Lol 2nd bride, why do you think I created the Why thread??

@Angela W.: I guess I'm just a bit more direct? LOL

I thought about it, but didn't want to be called b**chy...

I haven't been called b**chy for a while, so I thought it was about time. ;-)

We are not expecting or asking any guests to give gifts....i do feel they are doing enough by even coming to the wedding, we all know how expensive it can be to even attend a wedding. BUT some people have been asking us what we want as gifts....we don't know what to say because we own our home and have a lot of things already...we do need furniture so i am toying with the idea of asking those who insist on knowing what we want to make a contribution whether it ne in vouchers or cath...i do however feel this is rude....but if they want an answer then its probably what they will her....but in th most tactful way possible.

Basically....if they ask and insist on knowing then you could say it then...otherwise accept what is given to you.

LOL!!! Then I'll second your question!

What's the point in asking the question if you really don't want honest opinions and are going to stick to your original plan anyway?

We aren't asking for gifts and IMO asking for cash is tacky. I've made a NO gift page on our website, and ask that in lieu of gifts, if the guests are feeling it, that they give to charity, such as Wounded Warrior or the SPCA, Childrens Hospital, those sorts of things. Our friends and loved ones attending the wedding is gift enough for us.