Is It Tacky to Ask for Money instead of Gifts?

I don't think so. I have been to a couple weddings were they have said "In leiu of traditional registry the bride and groom request monetary blessings" and I was fine with it. So not everyone thinks it's tacky.

A lot of people will think the same that money is more convenient..chances are you will get more cards/less sour feelings from guests if you don't even mention anything.besides my shower I only got 4 actual gifts at our wedding..the rest were cards..I had a wishing bird cage BUT that was only for people to write well wishes/marriage advice and I had premade cards for that purpose..

Oh ya, you could just register for a FEW things, like replacements on things you need to buy anyways for the new home, and people will get the gist to give cash without having to be explicitly told.

I'm in a bit of a tricky situation in the fact that i would love to get gifts for my wedding but i'm getting married on the other side of the workld to where i live so anything that we were given would actually cost twice as much to ship back over to australia than it would cost to buy in the first place. For this reason we are doing a wishing well.

I have been to a few weddings where money was requested and i didnt feel bad about that at all whereas my brother had a registry and everything was soo expensive it ended up that my dad and stepmom, sister and FH and myself split the cost of a metal pan coaster (that cost $250AU!!).

I would love to be able to have pressies as a lasting momento but it just isnt feasible for us - we are not expecting anything but if we did it would be very hard to organise shipping back home in the 2 days after the wedding before we leave ourselves!

2d bride, I'm not "ignoring opinions", I read and appreciate all the input. Just because I might not follow all the advice does not mean I'm ignoring it. I made this thread because I was curious what other people thought.

Angela, I did want honest opinions. I really do value the input but at the end of the day, of course every bride has to make her decision as to what she would like to do...

We are having a wishing well but registering for a few gifts. we just have a history of wishing well on the website. some people dont wanna personally give money and might be embarassed to give a certain amount and so they might wanna get a gift.

I find being asked for money as a gift to be tacky, whether it be for a wedding, birthday, babyshower, christmas or any other time you give gifts...it's like a slap in the face and telling someone that you wouldn't appreciate the thought and effort that went into finding a gift for them. As it's not AS tacky as someone asking to please leave the reciepts with the gift so they can return them if needed (I had an old room mate do that with a christmas gift) but it's still tacky none the less...I don't plan on having much on our registry (whenever I put it together) and I plan on using Amazon so I can have things like books for my kindle, and many other things that we may need/want at the time...We're even giving our guests the choice of buying gifts or donating money...There are so many other things you can do/ register for than just plainly asking your guests for money...

@Abiti - just out of curiosity b/c you mentioned the history of it, is the wishing well a cultural thing that's different from a regular old cardbox? I'm genuinely asking. Is part of the wishing well thing that you have to tell guests ahead of time you're going to have one? Because it looks to me like a giant cardbox, shaped like a well. Maybe I'm missing something.

@Keira - I've had a couple of friends in your situation with an international wedding. Neither of them mentioned gifts at all. Neither of them had any problems. Of course you can do whatever you want, but I don't think you "have" to have a wishing well so your guests know what to do. I think they'll figure it out! Anybody who is going to show up with some giant hard-to-ship gift, is probably going to do so even if you have the wishing well. Just my two cents.

@ Kris - I appreciate your comments! i really wasnt sure what to do when it came to a card/present table - so i was not going to call it a card box rather than a wishing well. That way if people put money in their cards, it would be harder for someone to accidently put it somewhere where it might get lost. (our reception hotel is open the the public not just us.)

Some of our guests have asked us about presents and so we mentioned the overseas things and said that if they really want to get us something either money or a gift card that we can use in Australia would be great - I also said that if they wanted to get us something in particular they can let us know what they would want the money going towards so that when we got back home we can buy what they would have bought!

I understand its not everyones idea - and unfortunatly I hadnt found this site by the time i was sending out invitations! If i could rewind now i would ask for suggestions but unfortunatly its too late 4 me.

@Keira - Meh, don't sweat it! I think in your case, people were asking you what to do and you answered them. To me that's understandable, whereas just coming up with a way to ask for cash is not.

Wow Keira your wedding is happening so soon!!!!! Exciting!

Everyone of us will do as we see fit when it comes to planning our weddings and that's a great thing. Shows we all have personalities! All I'm saying and will responds to what someone else said that its been done before... Well lots of things have been done before but that doesn't make it ok to keep repeating the mistakes of others. so when you (or anyone) asks for advice or opinions on here you have to be ok with knowing that you may not like some of the responses. We are not here to beat one another up for the choices that are made during the planning process rather try to help and to teach from others mistakes. Sorry for any spelling errors, gotta love the cell phone.

@ Kris, i did research on the history and what it was as a way to explain to the guests about it on our website. more like a hint instead of just saying we prefer money. FH and I's cultures generally give money at wedding but wishing well is the english term and explaining it we figured would help them understand it better. we both are from different cultures and wishing well was the best word for it lol

Personally I don't think it's a problem. But that's just me. We have spread the word through out that we would much rather have gift cards than a physical gift. We've been living together for 7yrs, there is nothing someone can get us that we don't already have. Except a coffee machine and a blender and how many of those do you need? lol Plus, we just moved in to this house not that long ago (a few months) and we have yet to really decorate it, so that is what we'd use the money for.

@ Kris - yes its really soon now! very exciting - also a little scary too! :o)

Did some research for you hon, Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette 5th Edition Page 151 Registry Alternatives:

Financial Registries: Check with your bank or investment house about financial gifts; some now have registries for savings accounts, stocks, bonds and other investment vehicles. There are even registries for couples who are saving for a down payments on houses or automobiles. One Caveat: If you want monetary gifts, let your family & friends tell others. Don't initiate discussion about your desire for funds or imply that money matters most to you.

Cash & Checks: Cash gifts are perfectly acceptable "if" the guest feels comforatable w/ the idea. (Although cash gifts are traditional in some areas and ethinic groups, some people just don't like to give money, and that's their prerogative.) If asked, a couple might say, "We're saving for a dining room furniture, so if you like the idea of givina a check as a gift, that's how we will use it. Whatever you decide would be terrifi

So that's what the book says is "proper" for monetary gift requests but we all know that every area & family has their own way of modifying etiquette.

As for your wishing well - You can look at it a couple of different ways - that it's a cute card box for those guests that chose to bring the gift with them or want to write a cute little word of advice or like the highly debated money dance where guests drop some cash in it on top of the gift they already gave. Kinda like double dipping. But if that is acceptable in your circle then go for it.

I also googled the etiquette on the Gift Table in general (Emily Post has no mention in my book) and the etiquette is all over the place - some are horrified saying it shows an expectation of a gift which is rude and others say it's perfectly accecptable to have it in a far off corner so your "thoughtless" guests have a place to put the gift or card that should have been sent prior to the wedding.

Hope you found something I wrote helpful

Oh I have something else to say sorry LOL. I'm 42 and have been to tons of weddings and I've found myself asking is this "tacky" or "rude" or "inconsiderate" during the wedding planning process. Believe it or not I actually call my Mom or my FMIL to ask them even though neither are contributing to the wedding financially to ask them for advice. I call them because I consider them a wonderful resource that I can draw from to ensure our family's traditions and our personal "etiquettes" are correct.

I've offered this advice before and I usually get beat up over it - brides saying My Mom isn't paying so therefore she has no say. But if you can see the advice for what it is - that your Mom & FMIL are huge vats of experience, regardless of whose paying. :-) But that's me assuming your mom/fmil are not fruitcakes LOL. I'm lucky both of mine are wonderful people

We did two different registries.. Some people have a hard time just handing over cash not knowing exactly what it is going for. We live in two different homes and will be combining into one. I did a Bed Bath and Beyond registry for the upgrades we wanted when combining homes.. We also did a registry on www.honeyfund.com, which is a very popular site. You create a registry explaining what you are looking at in the future. Us, for example are hoping to take a Hawaiian Cruise for our honeymoon, so I broke down our entire trip and excursions in registry form, explaining everything and broke the costs down into increments.. I've gotten so many compliments on the site so far, saying it's nice to know where the money is going. However, everybody has a different opinion on what is acceptable and what isn't.. Good luck and don't stress.. After all, it is YOUR wedding to do what you choose to do!!

Well I am in the same boat as you future Mrs Wright...my fh and I have been living together for about 7 years and we don't need knick knacks from a registry, we need money for a house....I am just hoping that people will take hint that I have absolutely NO registry ....so no, i dont think that it is "tacky" I just think you have to be very careful as to how you get the point across