Is it normal to get married in court and then have a ceremony and reception a few months later?

You can have a vow renewal in NJ. I'm not sure why that would be easier though.

ETA: I phrased it poorly. I meant that you can repeat your vows and have a ceremony but not technically get married again. I didn't mean put "vow renewal" on the invitations.

No, I doubt you could have a second legal ceremony. I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to get someone to do a symbolic ceremony. IMO, seems like a bit of a sham to the guests when you have a ceremony and you’re already married.

This is more and more common these days, I think. General consensus on this board is that it is fine as long as you are honest about it with your guests. Some might say you should call it a vow renewal, not a wedding, but I'm of the UO that you can call it whatever you want.

Your officiant just won't sign your marriage license since that part is already done. Whether or not they still do the ceremony for you would be a individual choice on their part, I'd think.

My sister got married in court and had a reception a few months later, but not another ceremony. You may be able to find someone to do a ceremony for you but it would not be official if you are already married.

No legitimate officiant will marry you in NJ if you are already legally married in Maryland. At most, they would renew your vows. There's nothing wrong with what you have planned as long as you are honest with your family. One poster on here, a former mother of the bride, can fill you in on how hurt parents are when their children plan something like this and lie about it. Many, many guests also get pissed when they find out that it's not a real wedding, but a re-creation and celebration. Again, honesty is best.

I agree with @Goingtothechapel. No officiant will "marry" you in NJ if you are already married. They, would be able to prepare a vow renewal or celebration of marriage. I'm not sure why you would think it's easier to do a courthouse wedding if you are doing another wedding in NJ. Please be honest with your guests if you do go this route.

I remember seeing your thread the other day about marriage licenses. You could get married ahead of time in MD, but then the ceremony you have in NJ would be a vow renewal.

DH and I got married in DE and, at the time, we were living in AZ. It wasn't that difficult to get our marriage license in DE. We just made sure we were both in town for the wedding enough days in advance to go to the county clerk's office to apply and get a license that would be valid by the time of the wedding. In DE, there's a 1 day waiting period between when you apply and the first day the license can be used. NJ's waiting period may be different, so you'll want to call the office in the county where you plan to marry. If we managed it from the opposite side of the country, you can handle getting a license two states away.

Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice. We just want to see what all of our options are. We both have very different schedules with work so we wanted to just see

I would skip the "ceremony" since you will already be married. It's definitely fine to have a "celebration of marriage" reception.

I live in MD but got legally married in FL. Why do you think it'll be easier to get married in MD? Its really not that big of a deal to get married out of state...

It's because we are limited to how many days we can take off from our jobs to travel to nj to get everything

Are you planning to drive to NJ to do any wedding planning tasks? Meet with vendors? Do menu or cake tastings? If NJ marriage licenses really are valid for 6 months, I'd figure out which tasks that you need to do in person can be done within 6 months of your wedding date (*ahem, tastings*) and go get your license during that same trip.

H & I eloped at the courthouse last December, and our vow renewal is next week. You can definitely have another ceremony. The civil ceremony at the courthouse was lovely, but it was very impersonal. We're excited about the ceremony that our officiant wrote. She greatly reduced her price as well since she will not have to file any paperwork, she essentially shows up and reads the ceremony for 20 minutes, and then leaves.

For starters, the saga that Going to the Chapel recounted was nothing like what you're planning to do. The couple got married 'in secret", were sloppy enough to post it on social media, and her parents (who were paying for a fairly giant blowout) found out. Then she was arrogant, entitled and thoughtless to them. In every way, it was a shit show. I felt bad for her mother, and it all could have been avoided.

But back to you. We do this all the time, partly because NJ has a three day waiting period and requires a witness for the application. This alone doesn't work for many people, and many times couples get married early for various reasons; health insurance, visa issues, deployment, family illness.

This is always a giant can of worms when it's brought up here, usually by people who can maneuver the normal path of getting their license and then getting married. There is little sympathy for those planning weddings that don't fit into that mold and the phrase 'lying to your guests' comes up a lot. Which I think is bullshit honestly.

Some of this is semantics; technically, no, we can't legally marry you again (although if you're fixated on a legal license, NJ does have a 'remarriage license"....we have done that exactly once.) We can perform a magnificent, funny, inspiring, non-boring ceremony that will delight your friends and family and then present you instead of pronounce you. You can say vows to each other, exchange rings....you just can't be 'pronounced'. In an 'off-premise' ceremony, most people have no idea what needs to be said anyway.

Six people here will tell you that your guests REALLY care that the legal license is signed that day, that they will search public records to find out whether you were married before or not.

I've never seen this, and in all the weddings I've done (in excess of 1600) only one family member has ever asked me if the couple was legally married that day.

This is my advice. Tell your parents what you're planning to do if getting married first is what seems like the way you're going to go. If they are vehemently opposed, don't do it.

Call the town in NJ where you're going to get married and explain your situation. Some towns will let you apply as long as six months ahead of time. If you're out of the state, you need to get your license in the exact town where you'll be married.

Then work it out. If you're coming here to visit your venue, do it then; presumably, there is someone here who can be your witness. The you can pick up the license when you come back here to get married.

If that won't work, get married there (ideally close to your wedding here), let your officiant know, and create a fabulous wedding together.

A NJ license is NOT valid for six months. After it is picked up an signed off, it's good for 30 days.

You go to the exact town, with a witness, and then a minimum of three days later, you pick it up. Once you do, it's good for a month.

@Who? The filing the paperwork is not the time intensive part It's the writing and editing that leads up to the 'showing up for 20 minute' part. Sheesh....

Everything Celia said. Calling it a vow renewal so soon after is just weird to me. I did what you were planning. Got legally married in a courthouse in a very unceremonious fashion and then had my ceremony and reception a month later. It wasn't a secret about the courthouse and everything about the day of the ceremony and reception is no different than anyone else's wedding.

I know plenty of people who have done that, including myself. My husband is deployed for at least another 7/8 months and we wanted some legalities out of the way. We told our family and close friends. My husband and I went to the courthouse in VA since there was no waiting time and no need for a witness. Our celebration will be next year, hence the October date. Our venue and all our vendors know we are legally married as well. A few people I know who had destination weddings went to the courthouse prior since it's hard to transfer an out of country license to the US (their words, not mine). Also some of my friends did it for other reasons, so do what works best for you.

I've known MANY people who did this...if you do a destination wedding in Mexico, for example, you have to do this, but people still have a wedding ceremony. In some cases, I had friends who did various ceremonies in different countries when they were from different places. No, it's not official at the ceremony, but no one really cares because the point is you expressing your commitment in front of friends/family. For what it's worth, I live in MD and am getting married in NC and we're going to go down there a month before to get the license. It's only good for 45 days, I think. So, I hear you...it's annoying to fit that in with everything else! So I don't fault you for trying!!!

@Celia, just repeating what the officiant explained to me! I specifically asked why it was so much cheaper.

In NJ, you can apply for a marriage license ahead of time - I went in October for my January wedding. You do need to bring yourself, your FS, and a witness.

Once you pick it up, you have 30 days that it is valid, so it must be picked up within 30 days of the wedding. I picked mine up end of December. For the pick up, anyone was able to pick it up - I was told my mom or sister could go as long as they had ID. I would double check this with the township that is processing the marriage license, but then you technically would only have to travel up once if you had a parent or close relative pick it up for your prior to the wedding.

It really isn't that difficult and also isn't worth planning two events and doing a vow renewal. Maryland is close enough to NJ. Just make sure the date you travel up the office is open.

ETA: To answer JSARGE, the 72 waiting period is from when you drop it off. So I dropped it off October 10, I had to wait until after October 13 to pick it up and once I did it was good for 30 days.