So my wedding is March 31st of this year and from the beginning of the wedding planning process my FMIL knew who our officiant would be. This whole wedding planning has been kind of backwards and somewhat regretful, with my parents graciously paying for the majority of the wedding yet accommodating his side of the family by having it in SC where most of his family lives. I know this doesn't relate to what I'm asking, but has anyone felt like they want to just start over the whole wedding planning? I feel like I've lost myself and I know the most important thing is marrying the love of my life, but I cannot seem to get over all of this regret. Anyways, FMIL told me the officiant is the pastor at the church she attends and is a family friend of 20 years of so (even though fiancé is really not familiar with him). I really had no issue with the whole thing being that he supposedly is a pastor at a "nondenominational" church. I was raised Catholic, but I would consider myself more spiritual than religious. Fiancé was raised Southern Baptist and is somewhat religious but really didn't care either way. However, he thinks I'm being silly about such a small detail and kind of hinted to me that he agrees with the vows.
I feel like vows are very important! I am getting married in a ballroom and not a church, so the religious significance of the ceremony was not a huge deal to me. I recently met the pastor and his wife for the first time (yes, 2 months prior to the wedding) and he said we can change the vows however we like, BUT he will not leave out the word "obey" on my end. He even said he has never done a ceremony where people just write their own vows. He said it is simply biblical and started going on about how the man is the head of the household and his wife started talking about how I don't want to be the reason my fiancé cannot stand in front of God on "good terms" on judgement day. She didn't say it in a rude way at all and they were overall very sweet people but I was like "woah, what did I get myself into?". It is partially my fault being I should have asked these questions sooner (how was I to know?), but I really didn't think about it...my mother and father even told me that most vows don't even have that part anymore. My mom was very taken back by the whole thing and agreed with me. He made it seem like he wouldn't marry us if I wasn't okay with it and asked me how I felt. I lied to them and told them I was fine...I couldn't get out the words because I was with my FMIL and my fiancé (my fault again). Do I go and retract everything even after them meeting with us, buying us lunch and pretending like I was okay with it? Is the word really that big of a deal? I understand I could simply just tell them "no thanks" and I understand that it is his right. The word just rubs me the wrong way for some reason and I'm about to pretend like everything is okay and either not say it at all the day of or have my fiancé say it too without informing the pastor. Neither of these would be okay I imagine. I want to know why I feel like everything has been out of my control this whole time and why I feel like my wedding isn't truly my wedding but my FMILs.
My question is not "Are they wrong" but more so "Should I just get over it and let him marry us?"
