Invite dead ex-gf's parents???

If he feels like he wants to invite them you should be able to invite your ex, he has no reason to be threatened by that. You guys will be married when he sees you and it will only be for a minute or two since you will be so busy talking to other guests. Don't make the issue big with him just calmly talk to him and explain your feelings about this.

It would be kinda weird, especially if it is a small wedding. My initial reaction was that it's not that fair that he could invite people from his past that he associated with his past romance and then you can't invite someone who you were romantically involved with in the past. That doesn't seem fair. Does he feel like they are more like his parents? ... I could understand his view more if your ex still has feelings for you or is not involved in a current relationship. I think if you are not having a small wedding, you would not really be interacting with the parents so much anyway. I'm sure they would be happy for you both and not envisioning something else.

As far as my ex coming to the wedding, I think the issue is that my FH thinks "dude" is still hung up on me. Dude hasn't had a gf since we broke up, almost 3 years ago; but what FH doesn't get is that Dude was a Winter Olympics hopeful and didn't have time for a gf, hence the reason we broke up and he doesn't get involved with anyone. My honey is just a bit paranoid, and jealous of "twinkle toes", as he calls Dude (he's a figure skater lol)

Maybe you could invite dude and seat him at the singles table in the corner somewhere......that is funny, "twinkle toes".

Have you asked him why it's so important to have them there? Maybe he feels the need to have them see him happy since they were close at one time. If that's the biggest problem in the wedding planning, I would compromise and keep it moving.

HE double L NO! There are no places at a wedding for Ex gf's or Ex bf's or their families. Why would anyone want their Ex's family at their wedding. I personally know I can't stand most of my ex's or their families.

Wow i disagree with everybody. i mean this chic is dead. so theres no chance what so ever that he can leave you for her. right? and so what if he wants his parents to come invite them. just invite your ex too. just tell him to deal with it. if it means that much to him make him happy im sure your doing most if not all the planning and you are filling out the invites so do him the favor invite the parents and let your ex/friends slip through the pile. i mean if your friends with the ex then im sure he knows something about the wedding and that would be rude not to invite him. for the record ive got 3 exes comin to my wedding and one is my best guy friend... fh has 2 exes comin and i have no problem with it. thats just me hope i wasnt too harsh you asked...

I'm sorta in between: If he's not letting you invite your ex-bf, then he doesn't get the ex's parents. Both shouldn't be there, but since both are friends, both sets can come. It's only fair.

but the dead ex's parents, that's just creepy

I think it would actually be cruel to invite them at this point. Seeing the man whom they thought was going to be marrying their daughter at the altar marrying someone else will certainly remind them of all they have lost. It may somehow be making him feel better to invite them, but think about their feelings. How would he feel if he were in their place? That said, planning (and being married) is also about picking your battles. So if he's adamant then you may have to let this one go, even if that means letting go of the if-he-gets-then-I-get expectation. Also you do have some time before you have to finalize your guest list, as you are a year and a half away, so perhaps you can let the issue sit for a while and revisit it later when the initial shock and emotions have settled somewhat.

I have to agree with Nashea...

But, would have to agree with everyone else on some of it. I think that K's parents should be invited. I just think that if you put yourself in that situation you would feel the same way he does. Obviously her parents mean something to him if he wants them there that badly..and maybe he feels like if they are there a part of K will be there too. You know?

On the flip side..I do think that your ex should be invited as well. I'm really good friends with my ex and he will be invited to the reception (the wedding is just family). FH isn't too excited about it..but I explained it that there is a reason I am marrying him and I'm doing so that day..My ex isn't going to be anything but a friend there. He means the world to me and it would crush me if he couldn't be there..It would make me feel like FH didn't trust me with him..which is definitely NOT the case..

Just sit down and calmly talk about it..

Good luck!

It's not about a competition or an insecurity. Sometimes you just need to draw lines. And there is clearly a double standard here.

So I talked to FH about this last night, while he was half asleep (teehee!), and he explained that even though they're not in as much contact as he would like, they're still like his "adoptive" parents. He really feels like he should invite them and share this event with them. I agreed, and said that if he feels so strongly about it, then we shoudl invite them; then the ball is in their court and they decide whether or not it'll be too hard for them to come or if they'll decide to join us

Then I brought up the "twinkle toes" issue... told him that "twinkle toes" knows about it because we've talked about the engagement and the wedding, and that it would be rude for me to be talking to him baout this and not invite hi... and, lo and behold! FH "fell asleep". I guess I can only fight one battle at a time... and then win the friggin' war! LOL

Thank you all for your advice. I'll keep y'all updated.

I don't mean to sound rude but I truly feel that this has everything to do with insecurity and it really suprises me to see how many people are truly insecure.

If you throw out the words "ex gf" out of this conversation this wouldn't even be an argument. The girl is dead. You are marrying the guy. Do you really feel threatened by the parents? And as for weliz..... If the parents don't wanna see the guy marry someone else then they just dont come, that simple. I'm sorry if I insulted anyone.

B O-I wouldn't call it insecurity. I know the girl is dead. I had no problem with FH inviting her when she was alive. She was a really cool girl. My issue is: I don't know her parents, never have met them. Our wedding is small and we're only inviting close family. To me, they're not FH and his mom are the only ones that know K's parents. So, it'd be weird to invite them if they don't know anyone. When they found out about our engagement, K's mom called to congratulate us and said "Oh, that was supposed to be my baby. I know you'll be happy with this OTHER girl tho. But it was su pposed to be K. You two would have been so great together, we had so many plans for y'all..." I'm sorry lady, whatever. She just rubs me the wrong way. I thought it was rude for her to say that to me on the phone. I just don't want her drama at my wedding, and I don't want to feel like, if they go, that we'll have to be mingling them with people for them not to be uncomfortable because they don't know anyone

Oh HAIL no! That adds a whole other dimension to this thing! What kind of backhanded congrats on your engagement bull isht is that!? Why in the world do you invite someone to your wedding who wanted you to marry someone else. Their invitation would get "lost".

FH has a friend from childhood who was badmouthing me to his brother and saying she doesn't think I'm right for him. Ok you're entitled to your opinion but we want people at our wedding who are happy for us and support our union. I noticed her name was not on his guest list. I don't know if it's oversight or intentional but I DO know that I'm not bringing it up.

No, do not invite them. It would be too awkward.

Ok danyallen i take back what i said. im sorry i didnt know that part of the story and since you put it that way i wouldnt invite them either. sorry if i seemed rude or harsh earlier. but if their being that way and your havin a small wedding give that invite to some one that actuallys wants to be there to support THE BOTH of you.

I agree wahat mostly every one is saying NO NI NI

. that would be to awkard.

LOL Ladylee... you're hilarious! I know, I may just have to think about it hard... or just give an ultimatum.

I'll let y'all know how it goes tonite.

@LadyLee - LOL You took the words right out of my mouth!!!!

I wouldn't invite ANYONE to my wedding who won't have the happiness of my fh & me in mind. My religion believes that a wedding ceremony is sacred & I'll be damned if I'll have someone shooting me the evil eye on this most sacred of days.

If the wife wasn't so "this should have been K" I would say invite them. I have two sets of adoptive parents and I'm inviting both of them. But they wouldn't be there if any emotion other than love was on their minds...