Invitations: A list & B list ??

If I know the bride and groom well enough to be excited for their wedding and find out at last minute I was B-listed, then yes, I see it as rude and very gift grabby. My mom's adult 50 year old stepbrother did this to us and invited us a week before his wedding. We haven't spoken to him in years and he had an extravagant wedding planned (aka not a shotgun wedding or short engagement). Another relative told us he and his FW had been planning it for over a year and it was going to be the "party of the year" but a lot of his friends declined. We weren't even aware he was engaged - we all declined.

Edit - words

Even though OP has ghosted, I will give the benefit of the doubt and say maybe she asked about it because on the WW guest list tool there is a drop down for A list, B list and maybe even a C list? I can't remember

I don't see anything wrong with it. Unless you are super rich, you cant always invite everyone to everything. Do you, its your wedding. People need to relax. I've been B listed to a friends sister's wedding, didn't go only because it conflicted with my schedule (was like 2 days notice). If it didn't I would have gone and I am sure it would have been super fun (they throw excellent parties).

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Seemed fitting...

I have been B-listed. I went from having positive/neutral feelings about the person to strongly negative feelings. She is someone I went to high school with. I haven't seen her in years. I would have had no problem not being invited to her wedding. But to get a last-minute invite that was obviously designed to round up as many gifts as possible from those unworthy of a "real" invitation? Nope!

Just because YOU feel it isn't offensive to B-list guests, doesn't mean your guests feel that way. It's rude. It looks gift grabby, and it looks like you got desperate to fill seats. Since they "Just aren't priority" as someone put it.

Then don't bring a gift? Lol

Yikes, B lists are kinda rude

Girl, do it! But it depends on the relationship you have with your friends. Honestly, anyone who's been involved in wedding planning knows how hard the numbers game is. Some people have less of a problem and have a small 70 person ceremony but FH and I are both from cultures where extended family invites are a must. Many of our family are OOT or out of the country so those invites went out first. However we're pretty certain that at least 40% of those can't make it. So when they officially decline we're going to invite our local guests. We've actually said this up front to several people (like our church friends) and they definitely understand. They are important to us and we see them every week but they know they cannot trump family. Now I know of some friends that would be offended by this, but they're just not getting invited unfortunately. Really depends on how you live your life- FH is a social butterfly and many people are ecstatic to see him get married but once again they are not family. Some have even asked to come to the ceremony alone. I've been B-listed and because I understand the dynamics of wedding planning, I had no problem with it. But again, you gotta know your crowd.

Wow! I didn't think everyone was so against the B list. The only way to do a b list and not hurt any feelings is to be sure the people on the list never find out there was a b list in the first place. The only people on our b list are our friends from work, and people from the a list don't know them so they wouldn't say anything.. if we had a bigger budget we would have one huge A list but unfortunately that's not the case. .also didn't mean to offend by saying gals. I know there must be guys on here too! Guess I'll figure it out.

Also the a list goes out earlier than usual and the b list goes out when the a list normally would. So B people don't realize it's late..

Not that your A listers would realize what was possibly happening when they got their invitations earlier than what is normal. I know I'd wonder if it meant you were trying to B list.

What happens when not enough people from your A list decline to be able to invite everyone on your B list and you're stuck trying to decide which people from a given social circle gets a late invite and which people don't? Won't they realize you only invited half of that friend group at some point?

Also, can you really guarantee your A listers and B listers won't accidentally give it away that they received their invitations at different times? What if at the reception a server is trying to figure out who to serve the chicken dish to at a given table and one of your A listers mentions to the server that she RSVP'd 3 months ago and can't remember, and a B lister at the next table overhears the comment? The B lister obviously didn't receive his invite early enough to RSVP and choose a meal 3 months early, and might realize there's something off about that. Or what if an A lister dies something tacky when she receives her invitation and posts about receiving it on social media and tags you and FS in it? Can you guarantee that none of your B listers will see that?

@ShayInLove, that's what we are doing. Sending invites out earlier and going from there. We have a STRICT budget of only 100 people because we are trying to save money to buy a house. I've told some people about them not being on the initial invite list and why and they were completely ok with it. Most NORMAL adults would understand. Weddings are expensive!!!!

I totally agree with @Unaware. I think the major issue with b-listing is the intent behind it. If you're trying to put butts in seats to meet a minimum, or you just want shit tons of gifts, then, yeah, that's hella rude.

Both FH and I come from big families and have to invite friends of our parents as we're accepting some help from them financially. After all of the family and family friend invites, were left with like 20 spots for our friends. I have way more friends I want to invite than that, but I can't afford to. This is a predicament I know a lot of people are in. It's not a matter of friends not being "important enough" to invite, it's a matter of really wanting those people there but not being able to afford all of them. I've already talked to some friends about this and they're understanding.

That's the only time I'd say to even consider it. Any other way is rude.

All of you can type it as many ways as you want to make it seem chill, but B listing is rude AF, your guests WILL likely find out about each other, and they WILL talk shit about you.

You can't write in an invite, "hi sorry, I know how this LOOKS, but we have only the purest intentions and would truly love if you would join us sans gift." You can't write that. You can't convey it. So when they find out about it they'll feel like the only reason they're there is so that you can squeeze a few more pennies out of your guests. Don't do it!

So @Shayinlove what you're saying is, as long as they don't find out it's ok to B-list? That makes absolutely no sense. You even admitted B-listing hurts feelings, so why even do it?

I have almost 250 on my guest list and limited friends to only those who I thought would want to come, specifically because I don't want to come across as gift grabby. But I would love to invite every single person who would want to attend, if I knew who all was in that group. Since people who used to be close friends but at now more like Facebook acquaintances aren't going to send me a message saying they want to attend (because they realize that would be rude), then if I am following etiquette and so are they, there is no way for me to find out who wants to be there.

If half my guests end up declining I would love to just post an open invite on Facebook because I love celebrating with old friends and would want then to come if they can even if they don't give any sort of gift. So ..... I don't really have an answer but wanted to point out that there are sometimes other factors at play. I personally would not be offended by a late invite.

@OP, it's still rude. Even if you think people won't find out. What if they do? Won't you be embarrassed? I'd be mortified. Don't plan on how to hide it just don't do it.

@theHam.... no. Most NORMAL adults host the wedding they can afford and invite everyone they can afford to host, not play VIP/nonVIP invite games. Life is expensive. Grow up.

Grow up? Lmao. Riiiiight. Notice no where did I say anything negative about a person on this post...but YOU did and I'm the one who needs to grow up?! Lmao. Good luck in life