Invitations: A list & B list ??

No.

No.

No.

Chivy is sending invites to OOT guests early because they will need to jump on flights, hotels, car rentals, a few extra days off work, etc.

That is different from B-listing.

B-listing is rude.

"Hi, so you weren't important enough to be invited when I sent out the first round of invites....but now a lot of people have RSVP'd no and I need to hit the minimum for my venue and oooh, presents!!!"

ETA - Nevermind, disagree 100% with Chivy. If they're local and in town, that has to mean you see them often and still don't feel like they deserve to be there in the first round. If they were that important to you...

No Sarah, she's b-listing. When her OOT guests decline she's inviting in town guests that otherwise wouldn't have been invited. She said she doesn't have shame about it, so no need to defend her.

Talk about wedding shamming... We have a B-list. Its people that we have on our list that just aren't priority. People don't talk. They don't care. However these are our people that we really only invited to shut certain people up. We made it known to those certain people that the B-listers are B-listed so they don't go boasting about the wedding to the B-lists. I think this is just a part of weddings. We are sending out our B-list when we hear back that a few people aren't coming.

Stpaul we decided we wanted something small. Agreed on a number, then divided in in half. Got.

@Chivy you never have shame in your game even when it's beyond rude. I wouldn't expect anything less.

B-listing is rude. If the guest isn't "important" enough to be invited initially, just don't invite them at all. They will think you are rude if you b-list but I'm guessing that's not a concern of yours given how you've planned your wedding.

Sorry RealLindsay! - definitely would not defend that ever. Haha. I didn't read her last comment before I posted. I edited my post for clarification.

Edit - @Krista - "Its people that we have on our list that just aren't priority." You should put that on their B-List wedding invite. People do talk. People do care.

So if you decided you wanted something small, why pad the guest list with b-list people you didn't actually want there in the first place?

No, Vicki, it's not. We are all adults. It would be foolish to think we are all equal when it comes to invites to someone's wedding. A small one at that. If by chance anyone invited feels it's rude (they wouldn't even know) they are MORE than welcome to decline. It must be really nice to live in this fantasy wedding land but I don't and IDAGF.

"We have a B-list. Its people that we have on our list that just aren't priority."

SO JUST DON'T INVITE THEM!

Unaware, I literally would not care. Because I'm an adult and don't get my feelings hurt over small things.

The A list is the wedding guest list and the B list is rude. You can invite exactly as many people as your venue/budget can fit all at once, you send invites all at once, declines are simply fewer plates to pay for, and guests that should be missed, not replaced with the next best "not good enough to be invited first" person to fill the chair and card box.

@Chivy lol I don't live in a wedding fantasy land, I live in a place where proper hosting, and not being rude to my guests, is a thing.

You really should visit sometime.

Have any of you been B-Listed before?

So I'm not for or against a B-list. I've been B-listed twice and honestly didn't give a shit and had a great time.

My serious question is, if there is a minimum that must be met and it has to be per person and not added on apps or drinks, would it be rude to B-list then? Example: caterer has minimum 130 guests at contract signing. People can be added but not taken away. You sign the contract, you must have that many people because you're paying for them either way... thoughts?

If "people don't talk" and "don't care" then why did you need to tell people not to boast about their invites in front of people who are getting B-listed?

To OP: keep it simple. Have one guest list! Invite those you want to and can afford to invite! I know it's hard to keep it to a certain number but people's feelings will definitely be hurt if they feel they weren't good enough to get invited the first time and only got invited because space opened up. I know because I've been there.

Chivy - DH and I have been B-listed before. We got a Facebook invite two days before the wedding and we could see that the event had been created a whole month earlier and that several other guests had also started posting well wishes and declines in the comments a month prior to the date on which be received our invite. We didn't have to talk to any other guests to figure out we had been B-listed. It was crystal clear.

Considering OP has not commented, I'm going to presume she understands this is beyond rude.

I didn't know there was such a thing, but reading this thread it seems kind of rude to me! :/

@jillian - we had a minimum of 100 people. We thought we would have about 120 but ended up at 94 I think. We owed the venue extra for things like certain decor and other rentals so they just subtracted 6 meals basically from what we owed them. I've seen on here other people say their venue allowed them to do that as well which is nice!

Blue, did you go to the wedding?