Inconsiderate Bride---don't be one!

^ That attitude right there is kind of what's inconsiderate, right? The "the important ones will find a way to be there" attitude.

My wedding is on a Monday at 3:30pm. For the people in my business, Mondays are our day off. The easiest way to make sure our friends can come is to plan for a Monday. Of course, we have family and friends with other jobs. Most are traveling from far away so they would have to take time off anyways. Others are taking the day off of work. If someone couldn't come because of that, then that's fine. But in my world, having a Saturday wedding would guarantee half of our guests couldn't come so that's the choice we made.

I get it's an inconvenience to some, but I don't think it's inconsiderate. People consider a million factors when deciding when to have their wedding and then choose.

Yes, exactly right ... if I am important enough ... you can make it ... if not.. that's fine. I wouldn't rant about it that's for sure. lol

My wedding is on a Friday at 5...it's a holiday weekend though so most people there will have that day off observed as Independence Day. Our venue won't let us go past midnight so we're starting a little earlier than I'd prefer. I expect people will miss the ceremony but turn up during cocktail hour, which is fine by me. The 200 guest minimum on Saturday had me like o_O

Moss, why would you even invite anyone you didn't think would find you important enough? By your logic, you've lost all the "haters" or whatever, but if you did that in the first place and only invited those important to you, and then found out that for whatever reason the way it was planned made it difficult for those people to get there, you would just assume they don't care?

It's a two way street, and you won't look both ways.

I don't like the rationale of the friday wedding to "save money" because that effectively pushes the cost off to your guests.

"Anyone in your life of importance would make it no matter what day of the week it is."

See, this isn't really fair. Someone may love you to the ends of the earth and rank you in their Top 8 and whatever. But if you have a wedding on a day where it would mean they would risk getting fired from their job, or would have to travel and doing so would create financial hardship, or whatever, then no matter how important you are to them, it just doesn't make sense for them to go. If THEY were important to YOU then you would have planned a wedding that they would have been able to attend.

I also think the "don't like then don't go" argument is kind of iffy as well. It's one thing if they're not that close to you, but if it's a really close friend or family member, deciding between being pretty seriously inconvenienced or missing out on their important day is difficult. I totally agree with Maltese that people should at least consider the logistics required to attend the wedding when you're planning. That goes for a lot of things--time, place, accessibility of the venue.

Our wedding is on a Friday evening at 5. We are having the cocktail hour start immediately after (6:30) and the reception itself will start at 7:30. We picked a Friday not so much for the cost, but we wanted to get married on the 25th (we started dating on a 25th, got engaged on a 25th... seemed like we should get married on one as well). The only other 25ths on weekends were April (which we already had another obligation) and July (which is my birthday... I did not have a problem with this but everyone convinced me this was not a good idea), so that left September, which happened to be a Friday.

Anyhow, I don't find any of those times to be inconsiderate. I am not going to be upset or anything if people RSVP yes and do not show up to the church - things happen, there is traffic, people are working, etc. I feel like 7:30 should work for everybody who would like to come to the reception. If I have learned anything through this wedding planning process, it is that things do not always go as planned! People have different schedules. We sent out save the dates 7 months in advance, but most people knew about the timing and day beforehand. Hopefully, if they needed to take off, they were able to do so, but if they can't, that's okay too.

The Halloween theme in September is interesting... I have never been to a themed wedding. Good luck with that!

@lori- love the top 8 myspace reference.

Ugh, totally second guessing my Friday 4:30 wedding. I feel like I can't win! We chose to avoid Saturday because Catholic ceremony + evening reception = huge gap time on a Saturday. So we went with Friday. Our church says the latest we can start on Friday night is 5 PM. We decided on 4:30 because the venue is about 20 minutes away, and we wanted people to get to the reception venue just about 6:00 when cocktail hour starts. I guess from everyone's logic, 4:30 isn't much worse than 5, because people still may have to leave work early. I think the most important part for me though is that we absolutely do not EXPECT people to leave early if they don't want to. We understand that a lot of people may show up for just the reception, and that's okay.

Blerg. I just want everyone to be happy, but it doesn't seem like there's any way around people thinking we're "inconsiderate."

This thread is still alive?

@Princess Conseuela - I think weddings, like with most things in life, are not going to please everyone! Do what works best for you and the majority of guests. I understand about the Catholic Church issue - the church I grew up in won't even entertain Friday weddings, and the only acceptable Saturday time is 2. I feel like for some guests, that would be MORE inconvenient - trying to figure out what to do for 2-3 hours in between!

Gotta weigh the pros and cons of each and decide what will work best for most... and then, just have the best day!!

At my venue they schedule the start times about an hour and a half before sunset. If we had chosen the Friday of our weekend, we would have been forced into a 4pm start time. It's really only negotiable within a half hour since their main ceremony site is outdoors.

Granted we are considerate people and didn't do this, which is how we ended up on Valentine's Day..

I think people are forgetting that many people have different work hours. It will work for some to have it on a Friday at 4pm, and it won't work so easily for others. Its about THEM, not each individual person they are inviting. And probably their reasoning for having the RSVP so early was to encourage those that actually want to go to make arrangements with work (if necessary) as early as possible to make sure they can make it.

My wedding is at 5pm on a Friday. No one complained to me about the time, they actually told me they planned on taking a half day or the day off. We also have a 95% RSVP yes. If you don't want to attend a Friday wedding then don't go!

"Anyone in your life of importance would make it no matter what day of the week it is." Yes, I stand by those words. If you truly are important most people can and will make the extra effort to attend, regardless of the day. How many times in life have we had to rearrange our schedules, or take days off for certain reasons. I understand if people live far away, that is a totally different conversation. For most, they will make the effort. Well, those that matter will mind if they miss it but those who don't mind missing, don't really matter. For instance, how many people on your guest list are guests invited out of obligation? A family member who you don't usually see, a distant neighbor, a childhood friend or even a parents friend? If those people don't attend, does it really matter? I understand that money is often a concern for guests, that is why we have asked for "love and best wishes only"... meaning...no gift. Sorry, this is just how I see it, end of story.

Call me a kid, I love a reason to leave work early

Still want to know what costume you would have worn.

Hahah any Halloween costumes I have are kind of slutty, so I don't think I'd be able to attend the hallo wedding :p

Hey, I work every single weekend and have for the past 30 years or so.....so I never get to go to anything.

We've done weddings every night of the week, including Mondays because there are plenty of people who work other schedules than M-F.....like chefs, nurses, DJ's.....

Moss makes a very good point about guest lists; how many of those people do you REALLY want there? How many are REALLY part of your life in a significant way? If you're honest, I bet the list would be a lot smaller than it is now.

Saying no is the universe's ticket to freedom. And it's everyone's prerogative, in either the asking or the answering.

I don't think it's inconsiderate to invite people to a party whenever or wherever it may be. What about a noon weeding at the courthouse? Weddings on holidays? What about destination weddings, which have the additional cost for flight and hotel? If the time is not appropriate for you, why does that make the bride/groom rude? I understand venting that you may need to change some things, but if you find it rude, and a conflict with your work, you probably should send regrets.