If they pay they say??

I don't agree with this saying at all. Just because they OFFERED to pay for your wedding, doesn't mean they get a say in it. I know my family and FH's family would never make any requests even if they put $$ into our wedding budget, because they know its OUR wedding. Just my opinion.

Others have already pointed out that some parents gift money to their children, other pay for the wedding directly. Yes, it would be nice if all parents just handed over cash with no expectations, but no parent is obligated to do that. Some choose to host the wedding instead, and it's still a generous thing to do. When parents choose to host, they get to do so in the manner of their choosing. Simple as that.

I think the main thing being forgotten by some posters is that your mother especially had already displayed to you that in her mind if she is paying she has a say. Is that always the case, no, but that's the situation you're in.

I know you said that you've offered to pay for things multiple times and they've said no. If there's something you think you or FH will look back on and regret not doing because your parents told you not to pay for it you need to seriously consider "manning" up and communicating with them why that aspect is so important to you and therefore you will be paying for it to have it.

Personally my parents r paying for a majority of my wedding. And I love it! I'm getting what I want and there fitting the bill! I don't mind if they invite there friends there proud of me and they want everyone to no. So if u have a good relationship with ur parents then that's great do it! And idk about u but I can't afford a 40000 wedding. I'm planning on saving the money we get from our wedding and put it as a down payment on a house. I'm grateful my parents r paying there saving me roughly 40000

Becoming a Mrs -- really? Just because they offered to pay for the wedding -- PAY FOR THE WEDDING, A MASSIVE CONTRIBUTION -- it doesn't mean they get a say in it? LOL...just LOL. Of course they do. The couple has the right to politely decline the offer, but if they accept it -- well, guess what? Welcome to human nature. Those people writing the checks? They have more than an opinion, they have the deciding vote. If the couple can't deal with that, they should pay for it themselves. As the old saying goes, nobody rides for free.

Seriously...the absolute, tasteless, raw entitlement you're espousing is nothing less than crass.

My FH's mom is paying for majority and she let's us make decisions. She gives suggestions and that's about it.