If they pay they say??

Oh, well then, good to know that my advice wasn't necessary because I gave my take on it. That comment just confirmed my thought of you coming across as spoiled.

Sorry Hun....if they're paying it is NOT your wedding anymore it's theirs. They are the hosts and have complete ownership because. Even if they weren't paying they would still have lots of opinions and objection but you would be able to ignore it if you were hosting. You can't take the money and say no to their ideas

I guess I am lucky here. My parents are gifting FH and I a chunk of money we need. All my mom requested was: we get the good photographer (we had been looking at 2 - 1 she liked that was $1000 more than anpther she didn't like), she and my dad get to come to the ceremony, and we serve meat at the reception (FH and I are vegetarian). And those were requests, she didn't denand anything. My parents also invited 4 couples to our wedding.

Honestly, in this day and age, with most couples both working and living out of their parents house? Why shouldn't you pay for your own wedding? However big of little it is.

Since they are paying for everything, you'll need to compromise with them on things. I would recommend finding out now how similar or different your visions are for the wedding. If what they want is so different from what you want, then you should politely decline their offer to pay and let them know that you and your FH will pay for your own wedding so that you can have things the way you'd like them.

My parents are paying for the majority of our wedding and I guess we have very unusual family dynamics because they just gave us a budget and are letting us do what we want. I have asked for my mother's opinion on most things because it is her money and I want her to be involved, but whenever I give options for things, I only give options that I would be ok with. So I don't ask "what kind of invitations do you want?" I ask "Which of these three invitations do you like best?" However, we are very similar and everything that she has picked is the one I would have wanted anyway.

Im so surprised with how many people agree with they pay, they say! No. Their willingness to help pay for YOUR day should not be conditional.

My parents are giving me a few thousand & putting it in an account I created for them to deposit into.

They get no say. They want to invite some people? Tell me. You have suggestions? Let me know. But its YOUR day, YOUR way.

Yeah I agree with Melissa. there's a difference between "gifting" you money for the wedding and paying for the wedding themselves. And I'm going to have to agree with the PP, if you do want a final say, you should contribute. IMO, paying at least a chunk for your wedding can give you a clear understanding on exactly how working with vendors, making decisions based on your finances, and having more responsibility with wedding planning financially. Definitely not trying to bring down people whose parents are paying for the entire wedding, but I'm really glad that I'm contributing a huge chunk for the wedding, because I'm more careful and aware of where each dollar is going.

It's not YOUR day! I hate that attitude! First of all, and very obviously, it's also my FH's day. It's our wedding, yes, but it's the day my parents "lose their baby," and it's the day my FFIL sees the first of his children marry. Weddings are a big deal for parents too!

I completely disagree with this. Whether your parents are offering to pay or not, it is STILL your day. If what you want for your wedding is reasonably within the budget that they are offering you, then there should be no reason for anyone to object simply because they have a different taste or vision. If I were a parent who was paying for my child's wedding, I would be doing so as a gift to make sure that they have the wedding they HE OR SHE wants, regardless of what I would personally prefer... because at the end of the day the thing that would make me most happy is knowing that they are happy with every detail. Hang in there and don't let any of the negative feedback get you down. Just sit down and explain yourself and your vision to your parents and I am sure everything will fall into place.

As long as this is a matter of style, and not of cost (i.e. the things you want won't cost them any extra money), then to my mind, it's up to you and FH. A gift is a gift, and paying for a wedding is a gift. You don't give someone $100 for their birthday and then tell them what they can spend it on.

That being said, if the parents are totally unwilling to let you have a say in your wedding, I agree with others who've said you'll need to contribute in order to have a rationale for sticking to your guns. It's unfortunate if it has to come to that, but if you have to, you have to.

ETA grammar correction

MauiWowie, I respectfully have to disagree with some of what you said. Yes, it's both the bride and groom's day. Yes, it's a big deal for the parents. But it's not about them - that's the whole point. A wedding is about two people joining their lives. Those two people are the bride and groom. The parents have had their day that was about them. They should step out of the way and let you have yours.

Once you invite guests to a reception, it becomes about a lot more.

I don't agree with the "you should just pay if you want it" line. Some parents actually refuse to let their son/daughter pay for their wedding. As its tradition, the bride's (or bride and groom's) parents pay for the wedding.

With that said, I'm very thankful my parents paid for our wedding, we did buy the wine though...and weren't accepting money to be paid back for it....

My parents also did not enforce what they wanted on us. Yes, there were a few of their friends invited, but I had least met all of them. There were no "work friends" that I never met before invited..my parents let DH and I pick our guests as well.. it was mainly family in the end anyway. I guess some would say we were lucky.

It is NOT "YOUR DAY" when someone else is funding the entire thing with THEIR money. Nothing about it is yours. You are the guest of honor, but your are not the host and you do not make the decisions unless the person with the money allows it. If you want control, and you aren't getting it, then stop relying on the bank of mommy and daddy. Act like an adult and pay for your own wedding.

The entitled attitude of some women is astounding.

C.C. it sounds like they are gifting you the money. If you have offered to pay and they are insisting so you have money in your account to start your new life, it sounds like they want to help you out and give you what you want. But I don't know them, so as PPs have said, just sit down and talk about your ideas.

My parents are divorced and are both giving money for the wedding. It works for us because I live in Texas while they are in NJ. I have to plan most by myself. I keep them in the loop but they aren't making big decisions. Now, my dad did request a mariachi band and I straight up told him no.. but we have a good relationship so its okay. My mom also had input on the guest list which was okay with me, but again, you just have to have those conversations with your parents.

I'm not trying to insult or embarrass you, C.C. However, the word is spelled "grateful", not "greatful". Just consider it something you learned on the path of life.

As far as your wedding is concerned, ask yourself a question: What would your wedding look like if you and your FH funded the entire affair yourselves? What would it look like if your parents funded it? Which vision appeals to you more? If the wedding your parents are willing to fund appeals to you more, then you'll have to accept the fact that this is their affair; you and you FH are the guests of honor, but the details have been planned and paid for by your parents.

It's just life. If you want your wedding, your way -- well, you'll have to pay for it. If you have a benefactor willing to pick up the tab, it's going to be their way. It's a choice only you can make (and honestly, weddings are weddings -- none of them are that unique or different; take it from someone who has been to tons of them. If your parents are willing to pick up the tab, I'd say thanks). But remember, you can't take someone's money and pretend there are no strings attached -- even if those strings are made out of ivory silk.

I think you have to pick your battles

Do you really want to spend your wedding day with people you don't know? no matter how fab the day is?

It is a matter of control. If it doesn't bother you, then be prepared for the next 'suggestion'. If it does, pay for it yourself.

@ amytherese? Every time I've seen a Mariachi band? The guest flat out love it. And a little goes a long way, lol