I'd liketo ask my friends to contribute to my wedding day

If they are your friends, you should be more concerned with them having a good time at your celebration. Asking them to work during your party instead of a gift is rude. If they offer their services, it would be different. But I can’t imagine directing asking my friends to do that; I’d just pony up the 50-100 for someone to bartend during cocktail hour.

The only one I would consider is a friend doing my hair, but you still should pay and tip her unless she offers a different arrangement.

Yes. It’s rude. You’re asking, no...expecting, your friends to work, presumably for free. You don’t ‘assign’ gifts. That is incredibly entitled thinking. Gifts are never expected, but rather graciously received should someone decide to offer one. Your friends don’t have any responsibility to save you money. Have the wedding you can afford without exploiting other people.

View Quoted Comment

Thanks for the advice!
I definitely want my guests to have a great time but I know if it was me (and I have actually worked two friend's weddings as a waitperson, done hair and make up for another and had a great time with all our other friends as well.. I'd never dream of asking for money to help out) I wouldn't mind in the slightest just offering an hour or so before, during or the next day to help with anything that needed doing. I obviously feel odd about asking them that's why I'm questioning it on the forum to get some feedback.
I understand everyone is different, and I appreciate the comment

This is joke right?! Yes it’s rude to ask your friends to do these things.

You're wanting to ask for gifts? That's so very rude!

I can afford the wedding planned thankyou ladies. I just actually thought it might be a nice idea to allow my friends the opportunity to contribute to the wedding. Obviously anything they do offer would be wonderful, I'm just considering it being an option for my wedding. Similar to a pot luck wedding style aka bring a table or some crates to add to the decorations, instead of food. Maybe it just because we're all so close like family I know they wouldn't be as offended as you make out

View Quoted Comment

No hun, as my friends I'm asking if they'd like to contribute to my wedding. As I worked two of my friends weddings, what's wrong with asking them to return the favour?

This is the same thing as asking for money. Services=money. Time=money. You’re asking for their time and service for free. Gifts aren’t mandatory so this can’t be instead of a gift.

View Quoted Comment

I agree, I still bought my girl friend's wedding gifts as well as working their wedding receptions for free.

View Quoted Comment

Whats the point of a wedding registry then? Aren't you "assigning" gifts?

I feel they won't be able to fully enjoy the day if they bartend for a hour or take photos for a hour. Thing's that happen during the ceremony and reception I wouldn't ask a friend to do. Asking a friends to do your hair might add to that friends day because it's not talking away from those two events.

View Quoted Comment The point of a registry is so that IF someone wants to get you something, they don’t get you something you already own.

View Quoted Comment

That's a good point, thanks for the helpful comment. Maybe setting up before hand is a better idea than anything during the reception. Super feedback thankyou!!

If they offer, it’s fine. But highly recommend you get a contract. What if your hairdresser/photographer/friend get sick/in an accident/family emergency/etc and can’t make your wedding at the last minute. You won’t be able to find a replacement. With a professional, they’re legally obligated to have a backup ready.

But yes, I think it’s rude to ask them to “take photos as a gift,” “tend the bar for an hour as a gift,” “do my hair as a gift.” It’s really nice that you worked your friends weddings but not everyone wants to be invited to a wedding just so they can be asked to work it. You’re asking them to give their time and services for free. If I were a photographer, a hairdresser, or a random friend who wanted to work the bar and you approached me by saying, “hey, so my wedding is coming up. I’m wondering if you will do my hair/take photos for an hour/tend the bar for an hour as a gift,” I would decline and our friendship would likely be over.

This isn't a totally rude concept if you pay them their full going rate plus a generous tip for being excluded from relaxing and enjoying the event and having to work for you.

I think when it comes to these things it’s better to let them attend as a guest hat to work for free. If they offer that is a little different but I wouldn’t ever ask them.

View Quoted Comment

The first part is very helpful thankyou, especially as everyone is so busy these days with kids and life and all. Something could happen and I'd have to find a replacement.

The second part? I may not have been very clear in the original post, (its my first one and I didn't realise how seriously everyone takes this forum! Goodness) I would only discuss privately with good friends (who would probably be in my bridal party if i were having one) about if they wanted to help at all on the day. Leaving up to them what they would offer as help. The one hour thing was merely an example. I posted to get feedback and its all pretty negative so far so I guess I'll have a re think about how to get my friends involved in the day... I feel like this forum is American cos in Australia we're all pretty casual about this sorta stuff

View Quoted Comment

Goodness! I'll be sure to charge my bestfriends premium and ask for a tip next time they ask me to help out at their special event

My cousin is doing my hair for me, but that's because she's a hairdresser and we'll be paying her for her services. Our photographer and videographer are actually friends of ours from years ago who both have their own companies and who approached us about offering their services and we are paying them as well. However, I don't think it's appropriate to ask people to volunteer their talents as your wedding present.. that comes across as presumptuous.

If your friend is a hair dresser I don’t see anything with with ASKING her .. but st that point in time, treat her as a hair dresser.. pay her, her normal rate she would charge for a bride... as for the rest I would say no. I was a bartender and if one of my friends asked me to bar tend their wedding but also was suppose to be there as a guest I wouldn’t.