i need help/advice

You are correct, cancer does suck, I m so sorry your family is going through this. Going through life's happiest and saddest moments simultaneously is so hard and can be very confusing. It's ok to feel all the emotions.

If you want you can still have a small ceremony in November where you recite vows to each other even though the legal ceremony has already taken place. A friend of mine did this when her dad was dying, she quickly had a legal ceremony in her parents front yard (I think it was planned in less than 2 weeks) and then months later had the larger wedding that ceremony was a beautiful non religious ceremony held at the venue. They didn't change the wording on the invites, I m not even sure if all the guest even knew they were already legally married. The ceremony her dad attended was beautiful it was siblings of the bride and groom, parents, and grandparents, the best man , and moh (me) and then anyone the dad wanted to see one last time. Maybe there were 30 people if that, her wedding dress was not ready yet so she bought a beautiful short white dress from a dept store, she had her bridal hair and make up trials the morning of the legal ceremony, afterwards she had her dad favorite foods delivered from a local restaurant, the best man's wife dabbled in photography and took the most beautiful photos, a local bakery donated desserts. It was simple and oh so emotional. Absolutely one of the most beautiful events I have ever witnessed, there was just so much love and support in that front yard. Her dad passed away just a few days after the legal ceremony but he had been so happy that day and those pictures are something she cherishes. The larger wedding was also lovely and still so special.

If you decide not to have a second ceremony I would sent out a wedding announcement with a photo from the ceremony and say we hope you can join us for the reception on November __ . Then closer to November I would send out the invite with all the details and you can say something like You are cordially invited to the wedding reception of ____________ or something similar. You do what feels right for you and your partner in this moment. Sending you the biggest of hugs.

Ugh, my heart.

My Poppa raised me and my two younger sisters alone. My mother left.

Needless to say, he is my world. He has had cancer now for eleven years and he is such a fighter, even baffling his oncologists. This time around, the cancer is not operable. On Mother's day, he told me his is coughing up blood, on occasion. My wedding date is June 24th. I've always pictured myself walking down the aisle alone, no clue why. Just maybe that BOTH of my parents are OLDER parents. I always had the oldest parents throughout schooling. lol. When I got engaged, I wanted to take my good old time with the process, and I surely did. I have always wanted to "NOT RUSH" through an engagement. I have been beyond excited to have him here to walk me down the aisle, as I said previously I had always thought, my whole life- that I would not get that opportunity. Though I wouldn't change his age (lol) or mine (lol) or even the long engagement we have had, for the world, I would change his health. And the timing right now. His spirit is one of the strongest and most beautiful I've ever seen or known. His intelligence a rarity of a bygone era and his open mindedness unusual, even in today's overly accepting world. All that credit now being given, I want to say I feel for you and your family and your fiancé right now, truly. It is not fun to have so many emotions from good to bad, happy to sad- the anticipation of good or bad- all at once. I have to say "not fun" but seriously, there is NO Other word I can come up with to describe it. Maybe heartbreaking? Draining? I don't know. I am sorry you are ALL going through all of that right now.

I can only tell you what my own plan is for advice in the matter.

So my fiancé and I sat down on Mother's Day evening and I informed him of what my dad told me. (My dad is one of his best friends, of all time mind you so... there was quite a bit of tears involved. ) We both know that what my dad is currently have happen to him is not good, but not the end either. He is active and eats well. His mind is still sharp (though at 83, there are times where repeating, or forgetfulness is happening more and more). I see my father just about every single day, as I am his caretaker in the senses of he doesn't drive and I have been the "main man" by his side since the FIRST day he found out he had colon cancer so many years ago. SO, I remain that "Main Man" GLADLY. I work my whole life around Poppa and his care, whatever he needs. My WHOLE life. I said to my fiancé, "Do you remember what I said two years ago when it came to my dad and his health in regard to the wedding?" He nodded and just said, "And I am still all for that, but let's be as positive as we can be, ok?"

My plan WAS and STILL IS this:
IF I see my dad's health declining rapidly before my wedding date, I am going to my grandmother's church and telling them of the situation. They will oblige, I do know that and allow a ceremony on short notice. I don't care if it costs money, it will be paid. I don't care if it is on a Tuesday evening or a Thursday. I will make up a quick floral bouquet, a boutonniere for my dad and for himself (If not purchase these things on Amazon)- Throw my nephew into his ring bearer suit, have my sister throw on her gown. I will throw on MY wedding gown or quickly purchase another and we will have our wedding ceremony local at the church and then all go either to someone's home afterwards or a restaurant. Whatever my DAD is feeling up to. EVERYONE ELSE IS IRRELEVANT. Including ME and my FIANCE! I am content with anything as long as his arm is looped through mine, and his hand upon my own as I walk down the aisle. I also do know of people who do photography on the side. I know their character and they would move oceans if need be to be there and capture the love and the smiles and the memories. And, if NOT- my photographer for the wedding would be willing to come long distance and do so. More money, maybe- maybe not. Only then do I NOT care about the expense. Some things in life take more priority. Ya know? Make sure hun, that if you have to or do move up the ceremony to have your future father in law be there, get the photos and get the videos IN ABUNDANCE. Tell one and all to bring disposable camera's if need be. Just don't forget to capture those memories!!

As for the wedding itself... I do know they close down entirely for weekday weddings and actually my gut tells me they would gladly accommodate the issue by doing so for us. They are extremely kind at our venue, though we have to keep in mind as well it is a business too. I could also try that (though not my original plan) HOWEVER, we are getting married two hours away from our hometown and if Poppa was too ill, like hell if I'd allow him to make that drive. SO- IF (and I'm saying we WILL NOT... be still my heart...) we have to adjust quickly I will keep the wedding at it's location, as is. We do NOT plan on letting anyone else know we are already hitched in advance, because if this all happened, I don't care. And honestly neither does my fiancé. It is then about my father. And OUR LOVE for HIM. His parents would attend last minute, no doubt. Maybe a few very close family friends, his grandparents too. The entire guest list? I would let them know later, if even at the wedding ceremony itself on the actual wedding date.

IF you have time before hand, you may opt to print out something and then send off to your guests either before the rushed ceremony, or even after if you are still keeping the actual wedding date! My advice on the wording is simple: Just make it from the heart. Forget the correct wording or how To's. They don't apply in situations like this. I don't care what anyone says! You are not disinviting; you are moving quickly for the love of someone else. There is and will always be a huge difference there. And love, generally, most people will understand, and most won't take offense to attending "A Celebration of Our Vows" as opposed to actually witnessing the vows themselves. You could still make the ceremony sentimental and meaningful. You can opt out of the typical vows and write your own, or have your officiant do that work, considering the situation at hand.

It's never easy to gauge time in situations like these. Or easy, and easy is an understatement.

Maybe to help you get an idea, start by contacting your venue/ caterers and explain the situation at hand right now. Tell them you are not UNBOOKING or CANCELLING but you are naturally trying to get a jest of what could be done if necessary. Also let them know that you are waiting more test results and will keep in contact with them when those results are in.

I"ve seen many topics here on Wedding Wire, this one... touched home in a major way. I send you and yours love, understanding, and strength. Please remember to: Say what you need to say.

I will be thinking of you from out here in wedding wire land. Sending you all the good vibes possible. Hang in there and focus on him. For the love. Keep smiles on your faces as much as you can! It helps!!

Best wishes to you sweetheart.

-Lara.

Well said, and beautifully expressed. Sounds like a lovely idea to me, if bittersweet. I am so sorry about the circumstances. My Dad died fairly young (64) of lung cancer; I was already married and my son, and also my brother's daughter, the only grandkids, were about 6. I adored him and 30 years later, I still miss him, and my Mom and my brother who joined him in Heaven within the past 15 years.