I feel like a wedding would be pointless

If it's something you feel that you can live iwth not having, then elope or hit up the courthouse. No sense in making you stressed/frustrated over something you don't want to do

I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling that way Lori. Its definitely not an easy thing.

Consider going to a place and having a ceremony somewhere special to you as a couple. Get a photographer for an hour or two and do more of a fashion shoot so that you will remember your day. I have a close friend that felt the same way you did and ended up going to the courthouse. No she feels like she cheated her self. So at least do something special that you will be happy about 10 or 20 years from now.

Why not do a small, simple wedding? Skip the big shabang. Get a restaurant meeting room, have a simple ceremony followed by a luncheon. No huge reception, DJ. No need for elaborate decor, or a huge dress, or a massive venue with massive bills.

Still get a photographer- but you'll only need them for about an hour or two. You can buy a pretty white dress at a department store. Fire an officiant to come to the restaurant. Then, have a luncheon with a limited menu for your few guests. Simple, and wont' cost you an arm and a leg. Cut the guest list to people you are close to- like immediate family and the friends you can't live without.

I had 29 people at our wedding- and it was great! I got time to talk to every single guest for several minutes!

Well thats the problem, we originally wanted to elope but my mom talked us into having a wedding and now she has paid a lot of money for wedding planners and my dress and a few other things so I can't really just cancel the wedding now I know we shouldn't have rushed into the planning so much

Just have something small at home in your mom's backyard, a church hall or something, or cancel the whole thing all together and elope but you have to make sure you refund your mom for whatever she spent money on. Good luck

If YOU do not want a wedding. By all means, don't have one. The wedding is really about the people you care about witnessing and celebrating your marriage. So you could do something really small and intimate.

Aside: Oh what I wouldn't do to be having a 40-50 person wedding!!!!

Also since your wedding day is some ways off, it will feel like people don't care all that much. But once you get to the 3 - 6 month mark, interest increases tremendously!

Aside: If one more person says "Your wedding is coming up are you excited?" I might strangle them. Apparently because I am getting married, they have NOTHING else to take to me about! Auuugghh!!

Ok, sorry about that. That turned into a rant. But the bottom line is do what will make YOU and your FH happy!

She has paid alot so far- but how much more does she have to pay? What about talking to her about cutting the expenses and getting what you really want?

She has paid alot so far- but how much more does she have to pay? What about talking to her about cutting the expenses and getting what you really want?

I know when I was first engaged, I was very confused about what type of wedding to have. Both of us, like you, do not have an extremely wide circle of friends, and our families live all over the country (and most are elderly to boot!). We decided on "simple," but what did that really mean? We moved in together in May 2010 (we had originally planned on a May 2011 wedding), and my mother asked us, "Why don't you two just get married now?" I looked at my (now) husband, he looked at me, and we both said, "Why not?" It was important to me to have a wedding of some sort, so I selected July 31, 2010 as the earliest date I could pull a wedding together.

Our venue was the private room of a restaurant. My dress was an off the rack sample from David's Bridal. Our was made by my mother's friend. Decorations were DIY. Our guest list numbered 30. Total cost, including rings, was $3,000. Your wedding doesn't have to be big and splashy. Your engagement needn't be long. Do what YOU two want!

I guess its not that I don't want a wedding, because I do. And I also have a very specific taste (which is why we still don't have a venue). I guess what I really want is for me to be able to feel like its ok for me to have an expensive wedding. I wish his family would be more involved and I wish we had more close family members and friends to share things with. I think its hard for me because I have conflicting ideas of what I want. I feel like if we eloped, I would regret not having a wedding, and I feel like if we go ahead with the wedding, I will regret spending the money.

Apparently my mind just can't get my thoughts together in order for me to feel comfortable with a decision. And my fiance isn't much help, as he always just says its whatever I want lol.

Lori, you have over a year to continue planning your wedding. As you get closer you will typically become more an more excited.

What all has your mom paid for? Can any of it be returned or changed? At this point I think you really need to figure out what you want and what you will be happy with now and 10 years down the road. If your mom is willing to help - let her. She wants to give you a nice wedding - let her. Maybe cut back on the guest list and rearrange the plans you have so far. But before everything you have to figure out what you truly want.

Maybe you could switch gears and do something small, elegant, and pretty that would incorporate whatever has been arranged already so you won't lose a lot of money in the process.

Expensive doesn't always translate to perfect; your wedding needs to be what you want it to be.

You don't have to have an expensive wedding Lori, Meghan B's suggestion was a very good one! What is your taste if I may ask? maybe we can suggest some places?

I don't have very many friends either. Just one, really - and he was my bride's man or something. DH only has one close friend and he was his best man. The rest of our guests were our immediate family. So, in total we only had about 20 people. We had some additional people there as vendors and we made them feel special for all that they were doing for us. I had the location I always dreamed about - the beach! You can have a wedding without spending a fortune and it will still be very intimate. You'll definitely remember it. Just keep looking and remember weddings don't have to be elaborate shindigs for 150+ people.

Jen L. - I'm not really sure how to describe my taste lol most places that we have visited I have turned down because of the carpet lol. Yes, the carpet. I don't like patterns. I want something really neutral, including wall color, so that we would be able to decorate without it looking clashy. The outside of the building would have to look nice too, which has proven to be very difficult to find where I live. Also, a lot of places we have went to see say that they fit 50, 100, sometimes even 150 people and yet I feel like those places would be WAYY to crowded for 50 people.

If it were an option, I would love to just do it in my mom's backyard, but we are having a winter wedding so it can't be outside (especially the reception) and her house isn't big enough to have a reception.

Lori...I completely understand about the carpet! We turned down a ton of venues because of it. I found my venue looking at Weddings in Houston online, does your town/state have something like that? I could "visit" hundreds of venues without leaving my home. (We currently live in Dallas...and our trips home are limited on time). I know The Knot has a Texas publication. I would check some of those out.

Lori - i hear ya when it comes to asking FH for wedding opinions. The one I hate the most is "I want what you want." UGH so frustrating! I don't ask you for your opinion unless I really want it! LOL. Makes no sense!

I second the person who said something about going to a nice restaurant. A lot of places offer private rooms for dinner. And the decor is usually updated or at least maintained. Some places we visited were so outdated that I was shocked when the person told us that 5 brides already put down deposits.

Good luck! And make sure you talk to your mom and let her know your feelings. She might surprise you with some good options.

I just had a wedding of 100 people and let me be COMPLETELY honest. If I could, I would of just done a small wedding/after party type ... you end up spending so much extra money and it's such a waste. And we still had to pay for the 8 people who RSVP'd YES and didn't show up ( nor had the respect to apologize or aknowledge to fact for NOT showing up) And we would've just had a MOH and BM--- such a waste of money on dinner rehearsal, gifts etc. Please please take some of my advice!! I wish someone had warned me before hand. lol. Save yourself the headaches and the money! Look into catering at a hall or something like that ... as long as you have good food and entertainment all the glitz and glamour doesn't matter!! Good luck

Im so sorry you are feeling this way and yes I think most of us have crossed this same bridge. My advice - plan a destination wedding. Mexico is super cheap and you have a long time to save. This way you guys get the joy of a small ceremony, a honeymoon and the only people that will show are those that are close and really care. Win-Win situation!!

If I had known a year ago - we so would have done this

Turn your honeymoon in to your wedidng.. Pick a destination and anyone who wants to come can.. then do your honeymoon.. that way you are only really spending the money on the vacation.. and maybe 1000 on the ceremony.